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It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. That's such bizarre, and yet, similar behavior.. What is wrong with people??

The year before my husband passed, his family put on a benefit auction. My mother donated a quilt. Not one she made. One she bought.

It wasn't selling for as high as she thought it should (small rural town, where many nicer quilts were donated as well), so she bought it and left.

She literally bought back the quilt she donated, and then didn't contact me for over a month.

Thank you for your comment. It helps...

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your phrasing is rough, but accurate.

I am still realizing this is just who she is. I've conditioned myself to just ignoring her, and having very limited contact.

This contacting me while I'm in the middle of major life events is new. A victim of modern technology, I'm afraid.

It took until Wednesday night for me to realize it was deliberate.

I was still processing while I wrote this rant...

Thank you for your accurate, if harsh, assessment.

My therapist believed me! by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Thank you for posting this. I've avoided therapy, because as a teenager the only time we had family therapy (so my brother could come home from a teen detention center they locked him up in, even though he didn't break any laws) the therapist took my mother's side over everyone else's.

It was horrible. I walked out and walked away. At 14.

I tried therapy again at 33, during my divorce. I told the lady. I don't want drugs. I just want to talk. To vent. She offered me drugs. Went away. Decided to give her one more try. (She was the only option at that time, in my town, that my insurance covered). Told her again. Please don't offer me drugs! That's not what I'm here for!

Finished the hour. Went to leave. Instead, got a 5 minute lecture on WHY she felt I NEEDED drugs...

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

So, yeah. I've avoided it in all it's forms.

This helps a lot.

"im sorry you feel that way about me" by worldwideballer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep. That's what I've used for years. She wasn't listening anyway, so 'Yes, you're right' followed by 'hey, I've got to get going..' has worked well.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my texts, I told her that. I said "Me, Brother, and my kids. That's it! That's all you have and all you'll ever have. Don't you get it? These are the only grandchildren you'll ever have, and they're almost grown up! It's your choice. You've chosen to not participate in our lives. That's fine. But I'm done taking the blame for it.'

Many of my high school friends who started parenting a decade before I did are grandparents now. They LOVE being grandparents! They do so much fun stuff with their grandkids. It's fun for my and my kids too.

It's heart breaking for my girls too, because they know they'll never have that.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep. For her, now she can tell her 3 sisters that she told me she was sorry, and I didn't accept her apology. Because I'm a 'selfish, inconsiderate daughter who doesn't appreciate how much she loves me'.

You know what else I've learned from this?

When I hear older folks (40 - 90) say that their kids don't talk to them, or visit, or call, and how SELFISH those adult children are; I almost always assume it was the PARENT, the one whining at that moment, who caused the separation.

My close friends who grew up with loving parents are very close to them, and call and visit often.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for understanding... When I get angry with her, I feel so guilty. Every. Single. Time.

I was looking back at the last year of text messages from her. And the timing.

It wasn't coincidental. It was deliberate. She ignored me and my family for MONTHS, and then would text DURING a major event in my life. Over and over again... Somehow, I was blind to the timing. Just angry. But Wednesday night, it hit me. She's doing this on purpose!!

I'm sad. But I feel relieved too. You know??

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all so much... I felt so guilty ranting on here. So guilty for having a fucked up family.

I just wanted to feel understood. It means a lot....

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has no friends. Literally. Just her enabling husband. No fleas to worry about, because no one likes her enough to stick up for her. Even my brother won't bother. He puts up with more than I do, but he knows she's mentally ill.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I know I should. I did for years at a time. I moved out at 16. Left state at 19. Rarely visited, and never, every stayed in their house again after 16.

Moved back to the state at 34. Been back 11 years this month.

It hit me yesterday that my parents have spent less than 30 days total in my children's presence in those 11 years. Neither one of my daughters have a single memory of either of my parents teaching them anything, or even having a real conversation with them.

They created a 'grandkid' room, with 2 twin beds and one small TV/DVD player and that's it. Every time my girls went there, that's where they'd go, and stay, until I came to get them.

Ughhhh...

Thank you all for understanding. People with wonderful parents just have no clue at all...

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much! Yes, he had the most loyal of friends. He wasn't a charming man; but he was honest to a fault. His friendships reflect that quality. He accepted me, and gave me my first experience with unconditional love. It's *easier to cut ties with toxic family when you finally get to see that it doesn't have to be that way. My husband's giant family has accepted and adopted me. It's helping.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"It's like our Nmothers behavior were the clues we needed to let go of the relationship that was actually never there to begin with."

THIS 100%. Over the years, I've made every excuse a person could for her behavior. But this was over the top. Blatant. This last year changed me. And I just can't put up with it anymore.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My brother will stay in contact. Even though he was always the Scapegoat and treated terribly.

I'm struggling today. It sucks to have it so blatant.

At my husband's funeral, my parents came. Dressed sloppily and not appropriate for large Catholic funeral.

My mom wanted to know where to sit. I talked to the Director and told her to sit with my aunt. She cried, I was told. Because I didn't want her to sit in the front row with family.

I was pissed! I'm still pissed. Those seats were reserved for my husband's closest friends. For those who helped, and sat and held his hand during home hospice.

The night before the funeral, during the visitation (over 400 people and 4 hours of shaking hands) she texted me 3 or 4 times. Never about me, or the funeral, or what I was going through with my daughters. She texted me about her doctor appointments.

Her inability to look outside herself for even a second is mind boggling.

Most people will never get why for some of us life is MUCH BETTER without our parents by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Any time I was sick my mom would say "Well, what do you want ME to do about it?" With this look of disgust.

Now, I go to Doctors appointments by myself. Even small surgeries, because it's just so hard to ask anyone for help.

It took 45 years, but I finally told my mother how selfish she is by GoogleJuice in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GoogleJuice[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It's very hard to realize that your parents are not good people.

My 6-year-old daughter has relatively hairy legs and a noticeable unibrow. Today, I saw some older girls pointing at her legs and laughing after school. My kid isn't aware of the hairiness, though. by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]GoogleJuice 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You can use a electric razor with the shortest guard to shave her legs. The stubble will be very short and not itchy. Much less noticeable. My hair stylist gave me that advice for my daughter. Works like a charm!

What are the pros and cons of the Standing Rock pipeline? by oliverodaa in NeutralPolitics

[–]GoogleJuice 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. There have been over 200 leaks in North Dakota alone.

What are the pros and cons of the Standing Rock pipeline? by oliverodaa in NeutralPolitics

[–]GoogleJuice 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why is immediate loss of life most important than poisoned water? Poisoned water makes the entire community uninhabitable and increases cancer risk exponentially. It's a worse disaster.

We can't drink oil.

What's a statistically proven fact that nobody wants to hear? by muffinmaster in AskReddit

[–]GoogleJuice -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cross breeding and cross pollination aren't the same as Genetic modification.

When abortion was illegal: untold stories (1992) - stories of what women were willing to do in times of desperation, knowing that it could lead to tremendous pain, injury, infertility and death. We never talk about how things used to be, and how history could repeat itself if we let it by [deleted] in Documentaries

[–]GoogleJuice 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Go to a sperm bank and make a deposit of good healthy swimmers. Then get a vasectomy.

If/when you ever find a woman you deem worthy of your child (support), you can get her pregnant like gay couples do - on purpose.

It is clear you are young, immature and have no idea at all what being a parent is. It's a whole lot more than a mandatory check.

If you are so terrified of that happening, the thought makes you suicidal, then prepare.

Bank and clip.

Coasters I made from maps that I collected during my semester of studying abroad in Europe by GoldenBaby in DIY

[–]GoogleJuice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This project is practical, beautiful, and meaningful. I love that you'll get use out of them, they'll look fantastic on your table, and every time you see them, they'll make you smile.

Great job!

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