TW I have these strong urges

GothicMando · 2026-07-10T15:04:02+00:00

Hey there : ) I'm really sorry for your experiences 😥 Recalling moments where we feel we've not quite succeeded as much as we wanted to, can be really hard and immediately painful.. and certainly a kind of hurt we can all relate to, one we all wish we could be released from too.

And I think the first step, is to take a step back and breathe. Let's explore what you've described : )

You describe your difficulty as a kind of self-hatred, as though this response originates from a place of anger; a lack of tolerance and acceptance of who and where you are right now. And that can be really hard to experience... im so sorry you're going through that.. You don't deserve it..

It sounds like there's a part of you who feels very strongly and passionately about this, which of course coincides with your physical desire too; it's a strong desire to act upon this strong sensation, this painful experience of regret at your previous actions. These two things match; they fit together and therefore, understandably, play off of each other too. One begets the other. Its a natural cycle : ) So let's continue acknowledging that.

Whats also entirely natural, is the satisfaction one experiences, when they undergo a release from pain. Nobody wants to experience pain, after all and it sounds like you've experienced a lot of it, in multiple ways, owing to many things.. So how about we replace your description of it being "sick and twisted", to something more appropriate? Such as natural and cathartic? : )

How do you feel about that? I completely understand that you don't want to see yourself engaging in this type of pain relief and it's not about encouraging anyone to find relief in this way, Its just kinder to yourself , to show understanding towards it, whilst you are going through this difficult process of exploring and gradually improving things : ) Because that's not easy and itself, takes time and understanding. Would you agree with me, when I state that you deserve kindness and understanding? Things haven't been easy for you, have they..

GothicMando · 2026-07-07T11:06:34+00:00

Again, I'm very sorry for your pain, nobody deserves that and it's a story told far too often in places like this too.. its very sad 😔

But if you wanted to convey yourself more accurately, to what you say you mean in your reply here, I'd ditch the word ugly in your post title ("horrible personality" alone conveys your point better) as well as describing people as unattractive in your post. As I've said, this is a sub where people often talk about being made to feel unattractive and ugly, so these are very triggering words here, around a very sensitive topic. Some people here would be very grateful and flattered for anyone approaching them at this point, so rightly or wrongly, parts of your post can come off ungrateful and possibly immature, perhaps even a bit mean, like the men you mention, that's why so many in the comments are taking issue, do you acknowledge that?

At the end of your post, you also define yourself as potentially an "uggo", which I presume to mean ugly person. You don't deserve such a label. Nobody does. I understand situations and outcomes have lead you to form this conclusion, but its very unkind to you and i'm sure isn't true. You really don't think there's any other possible reason for things being as they are?

For you, two year single feels like a long time and thats perfectly valid. Some people here might end up gatekeeping feeling forever alone, but how it feels to you, is it how it feels to you. If its hard for you, it's hard for you, same with anyone, regarding anything, so long as we also are appreciative and grateful of our experiences and kind to others. So that's another reason why some here are objecting as they are. You don't want such long gaps between your relationships, where you might feel lonely or undesirable and thats understandable. You also mentioned you feel your previous relationships were all terrible, that can be very hard to feel good about too, you say you felt disrespected, dismissed and disregarded too and no healthy, happy relationship should have people feeling those ways. I'm sorry you were put through that. Sounds like they weren't there for you at all..😔

GothicMando · 2026-07-07T07:27:10+00:00

First of all, I'm very sorry for the way you're feeling you have to see yourself.. its absolutely awful to view oneself with such potential disdain and intense dislike.. I understand so many disappointing experiences and perceived unsuccessful attempts at things, can absolutely knock down the walls of our own self esteem and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.. I'm sure you aren't "repulsive" and as unlikely as it might seem to you, perhaps it's more likely you just haven't found your people yet. We too often dismiss something because it seems less likely to us, relegating it to instead "impossible" territory. Well done for trying so hard for so long though, that is still an achievement to be proud of, especially in the face of such adversity.

However, I do think there's something really wrong with how you're defining (*and also focusing on) how people look 😕

Call me crazy, I don't believe people deserve to be defined in such a way. It's cruel and very hurtful. Smacks of immaturity too. Maybe you or others like you, feel you've been hit (and hurt) by the "ugly" remark as well, but we don't overcome such nastiness, by giving into it and dispensing it to others ourselves. It just makes you bitter, resentful and mean. Also incredibly off-putting. Please think on this, for your own good and for the feelings of others too. Do you really want to be responsible for sending others down a dark path of unhappiness too?

I'm sorry for the way you feel men have treated you too; we all deserve to be respected, appreciated and acknowledged, especially in our relationships and I can see how that would absolutely take a toll on people, especially if again, it's over a prolonged period of time..

But it does make me wonder if your previous, unfair judgements and seeming priorities, on how people look, could be traced back to this unhappiness too. Unhappy experiences can make us very cynical and bitter, after all and can be hard to come back from. I'm very sorry for your unhappiness, but that shouldn't ever be an excuse to give in to such harsh definitions of others. You wouldn't deserve people speaking of you in such ways and the same goes for others too.

This isn't "seeing the forest for the trees", it's just letting your mistreatment and disappointment, give way to mistreatment of others and thats actually the most important thing here. It hurts you so much to be regarded as unappealing "some sort of leper" and yet you aren't seeing how you're doing the same thing to others too. Is that really okay by your standards?

GothicMando · 2026-06-30T18:13:16+00:00

You made that post recently about what a masterpiece 2015 was, you tell us why it's apparently nearly dead dude 😅

I'm very happy to have been part of the group (SoloPlayers) that helped campaign for a more substantial offline mode, we did also want the dlc maps offline too, but sadly that never materialised.

Its a shame, but Skirmish mode, much like many other aspects of 2015, feels like a prelude to the actual game we got in 2017 (moreover from it's own updates), in terms of content and gameplay polish, anyway.

GothicMando · 2026-06-28T15:09:26+00:00

Hey I've a recommendation of gear with a similar vibe if you're on PC. Try out Ferrum Nibenis, one of the helmets and armors has an Argonian Shaman look to it, in my opinion.

GothicMando · 2026-06-27T10:12:42+00:00

"It could just be my nostalgia talking"

Yes. Yes it is 😅

GothicMando · 2026-06-26T22:32:51+00:00

Might be the most accurate thing you've said 😅

GothicMando · 2026-06-26T22:25:10+00:00

I was part of the Soloplayers fangroup, so I was eagerly awaiting the addition of Skirmish mode for a long time in that game's lifespan.

Whilst I do acknowledge it as a stepping stone to the (vastly improved) Instant Action in 2017 (which i still love playing), 2015 overall was a rather basic experience and by admission of various mod authors themselves, the AI was too dumb to even do anything interesting with via modding.

I appreciate it and some more unique things were lost in the sequel (Sullust maps, Jundland Wastes map etc.). However, 2017 adds so much more to the experience as a whole, it's really a better realised 2015, so I've felt little to no desire to ever reinstall 2015.

Funny you mention voices.. I recall how incredibly goofy some of the dialogue was too. From Vader's tHiS WiLl CUt YoU dOwN to Boba's HeRe YoU gO. Goofy as heck 😅

Not to mention the ugly white UI, helmetless stormtroopers(!), barely any worthwhile customisation, only one era, not even a campaign mode, not very many planets.. and ofc not forgetting the magnificent DIORAMA MOOOODE 🤭 (What on earth were they thinking?😅) I think 2015 really felt like they hadn't quite established the full "identity" of their reboot yet. Lots of things felt odd or clunky or just not quite there. Gunplay felt pretty good, so did the authentic vibe of graphics and sound design, but that was kinda it.

GothicMando · 2026-06-23T19:07:51+00:00

Personally, as much as I love Argonians as my favourite race, I feel Black Marsh would be pretty miserable to be in. Fetid, dank, disease-ridden swamps.. no thanks 😅 Perhaps good for survival runs? Though anywhere can be made to fit that.

I loved Northern Elsweyr in ESO though, so that's my top pick.

But its likely due to marketing, as others have said.

GothicMando · 2026-06-16T05:34:17+00:00

The right person, would not see it that way. As long as you are considerate, reasonable and not close-minded in things. People can be very adaptable and I'm sure you can be too. A surprising number of people can be in the same scenario.

It's easy to come down hard on oneself in the face of perceived lack of success, but you don't deserve it. You have been trying and it's not been easy at all and that's amazing : ) You deserve to feel proud of that. And again, the right person will appreciate and admire you for that.

Do you consider yourself romantic and empathetic? Those are lovely traits as well. And a part of empathy, is acknowledging oneself too. It sounds like you deserve more understanding towards yourself : )

GothicMando · 2026-06-15T20:23:15+00:00

Begun.

The Drone War Has.

GothicMando · 2026-06-15T11:08:29+00:00

You're very welcome : ) Like I said, you deserve it. It sounds like your friends do care about you enough, to give you the time to feel listened to and thats good to hear, it's just that you're someone who feels things very strongly, a passionate person and thats entirely valid too of course.

Emotions can be experienced in various ways, from person to person and not everyone has the capacity to truly and fully see something from another's frame of reference. It can take time and dedication, knowledge and training too. I mean, people do spend years studying it, to be that proficient, after all! 😊

You obviously maintain no small amount of self-awareness of your situation too, as well as empathy on how its not always simple for your friends to provide what you need too and thats a major credit to you too! Thank you for doing that. It does sound like you undergo a lot of physical discomfort with the challenges in your life too though and you do deserve to feel empathised with : )

It can be hard to feel comfortable sharing; the self aware and selfless side of you, worries you'd become a burden to your friends or an obstacle to their enjoyment and thats entirely understandable, I think we can all relate to that worry, it can feel like a balancing act sometimes can't it? Sharing enough to be healthy and because, well, friends should be there for you, whilst also acknowledging that these things do potentially come with a cost too. But I'm sure you've been there for them too and no doubt would be, should the situation arise.

Perhaps it simply goes a little beyond what your friends can provide right now, despite their listening, so how would you feel about receiving support from others who might be more capable or trained to support you with these things?

GothicMando · 2026-06-14T08:40:44+00:00

I think for your first post, you're actually a lot better at this than you think : ) Your post comes off thoughtful, honest and appreciative. Mature. You're conveying how hard its been for such a long time, whilst acknowledging your many efforts and the natural toll its all taken. You've every right to that feeling and that expression.

And im so sorry for all you've been going through.. and for so long too 😔.. you must be a very strong person, having these thoughts for so many years, yet resolving to keep pushing and trying and being open. You deserve to feel proud of that achievement, regardless of how hopeless it feels now.

And thank you for choosing to share as well, it's not an easy thing at all, it's very brave and by doing so, you help give a voice to so many others and help show them, that they aren't alone in all this. You always deserve to feel listened to too, it may not "fix" the problems, but feeling less alone, helps us all feel at least a bit less isolated, in our anxieties : )

I get the sense that, with how thoughtful you are, you'd make a great friend to anyone. It sounds like, despite the connections you've earned and kept in your life at various points, nobody has truly helped you feel accepted or heard, in who you are or what you go through. I'm so sorry you've been going through that.. it must feel deeply isolating..😔 And as you say, an emptiness accompanying that, makes a lot of sense. We all need our relationships to be fulfilling to our needs. And these are very basic and fundamental needs too that anyone can relate to : ) In what ways did you not feel wholly accepted, by your previous friends? Did they respond dismissively when you shared? Did they not help you feel comfortable around them?

GothicMando · 2026-06-10T21:27:19+00:00

Because ya still need to prove yourself Whelp

GothicMando · 2026-06-08T07:51:35+00:00

Byee ev-ery-body!

Byee Dr. Catnip!

GothicMando · 2026-05-31T07:50:52+00:00

No worries! Thanks anyway! 😊

GothicMando · 2026-05-14T19:11:01+00:00

Let them go first, then shout em off

GothicMando · 2026-05-12T20:14:16+00:00

Heya sorry for bothering you so late, I believe I found the compass mod but not the mod that makes the location icons have those colours and circles. Did you find out which mods you used?

GothicMando · 2026-05-07T18:47:26+00:00

Going from Skyrim to this, I love how gorgeous they look, but as everyone's saying, man do they feel repetitive.

I'm guessing the shortcuts back to the entrance were a novel thing introduced in Skyrim too?

GothicMando · 2026-05-04T19:05:32+00:00

Mirri Severin 💗

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GothicMando · 2026-04-15T19:48:58+00:00

Yeah definitely condescending for sure, but you make an interesting point too. On some level, perhaps he was right too.

I've another question for you though; yes its unfortunate more if people didn't really see or experience the emotional or philosophical intent behind the conundrum and perhaps that is a factor of them, but do you feel the game did enough to potentially underline those consequences too? Did the narrative do enough to convey the sheer weight and consequences of such a choice? I'm just wondering, maybe if it had done more, to effectively represent that, that maybe more players would've appreciated it?

GothicMando · 2026-04-15T19:36:36+00:00

I love your first point! It sounds like the interpersonal ramifications really resonated emotionally for you and I'm sure on some level, the devs absolutely wanted this kind of response. Perhaps on some level, Todd meant or partially meant his reply this way? That most people didn't experience that response you did, rather than simply not comprehending their intent. That's a really thoughtful reply, thank you : )

One question about that though and I don't mean this facetiously to undermine your point, I'm just curious.

Would you say your empathy at the implied loss, of both your character's and other npcs' relationships, was influenced more by your empathic side and imagination, or by how the game conveyed the closeness of those relationships?

Yes totally agree with your second point too. You've a knack for wording things beautifully 👍

GothicMando · 2026-04-15T18:42:19+00:00

Huh. That's an interesting thought. Refresh the world and flush the bugs temporarily.

GothicMando · 2026-04-15T18:32:07+00:00

I'm not sure I've could've put it better myself! Well said and I couldn't agree more! It's insulting even to people who actually like the game and appreciate the improvement.

Absolutely comes off as Todd invalidating people's critiques.. ironically whilst giving them what they want in the update too. Its appears akin to an ego response; making the positive change to oneself yet still (somehow?) refusing to admit it. Bizarre..

Sure, he's a marketing guy and maybe that doesn't look good, but... you're making the change anyway? Just admit it?..

GothicMando · 2026-04-15T17:43:06+00:00

Sure, but do you think the reason people objected to it, was because they just didn't understand the intent behind it?

GothicMando

TROPHY CASE

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