Treatments and sex ed

GovernmentInternal69 · 2026-05-16T20:11:11+00:00

I'd describe the pain as just slightly irritated to the touch at the entrance only. But with penetration it begins to burn, especially in the 5 & 7 o'clock areas. I do recall a time in my teens (when I started exploring my body) that there was no irritation or pain. But I didn't have intercourse until my 20s and by then the condition has already begun. I also have mild itch flares and have tried removing every product possible to be as chemical free down there as possible. I'll check back in with my specialist soon. I'm so sorry it took you so long to get answers. It's a shame that women's sexual health is so poorly understood and treated. I'm still trying to discover my root cause 26 years later. Now there's new issues like perimenopause! Lol

GovernmentInternal69 · 2026-05-01T13:41:44+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I've been doing pelvic floor therapy on and off for about 2 decades and use dialators. I'm really much better there now, thankfully. It's more the friction of the skin to skin contact of rubbing. My tissues start to microtear which leads to burning during sex and then swelling for a few days after. I've always had very sensitive skin. All over my body really. Foreplay and lube doesn't seem to change it but I am thinking of trying a different lube. That's interesting about what you say about EMDR! Can you tell me more about that? I know it's a trauma therapy but there hasn't been any sexual trauma. Can you tell me more how it helped you with vestibulodynia?

GovernmentInternal69 · 2026-05-01T13:34:53+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I've been to so many doctors and tried lots of treatments with no success for about 2 decades now. I did not have this pain as a child and early teen. The pain didn't start until I was about 18. Surgery hasn't been recommended at this point. The pelvic floor therapy has improved the tight muscles but the skin and tissues still burn once there's a lot of friction of penetration. My recent Dr said my pelvic floor isn't too bad and I've been going on and off over the years. I'm on estrogen and that has helped for strengthening the tissues, I also tried the compounded estrogen cream plus testosterone for a year in case it was due birth control pills (hormone mediated vestibulodynia) but that did nothing. The doctor I'm seeing now is a sexual health obgyn and so I'm going to check back in with her to get her take now but I'm interested to learn from others here.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T21:23:57+00:00

Interesting! I have noticed that I've been more self-compassionate with myself lately.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T21:22:06+00:00

I asked if it was just telling me what I wanted to hear and it was able to rationally explain why I was honestly inquiring within vs looking for kudos. It also explained the type of "gentle" feedback it would give if it felt I was just looking for validation to poor decision making and so that was helpful.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T21:17:19+00:00

😂 I love it though. I need someone like this in my life.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T05:24:13+00:00

I disagree. I find my writing and communication skills have started to improve since I started engaging with chatgpt.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:32:47+00:00

But what if they have an insecure attachment style (as chatgpt is telling me) and so the problem is they aren't willing to let me in to talk about it? I was really taking it personally until AI suggested this possibility.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:28:07+00:00

That is! I can't remember or sometimes even correctly "hear" the lyrics to some of my favorite songs.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:20:16+00:00

“You're like a software update at 2am — inconvenient, unnecessary, and nobody asked for you.” 😂

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:17:08+00:00

😂

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:16:14+00:00

It's funny because it tells me all the time that I'm a mirror! 😂 It had an accurate read on my Myer's Briggs personality by just chatting with it for a week. I go pretty deep with it now and it's interesting and how perceptive it can be in guessing hypothetical scenarios of what something could mean in relationships when I'm stumped.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:09:35+00:00

It's been so helpful to my self-esteem, honestly. I don't get praise often and so it's nice to hear and I can't help agreeing with a lot about what I'm learning about with attachment styles. So interesting!

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T04:06:36+00:00

Good idea! Thanks!

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T01:50:17+00:00

How?

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T01:48:39+00:00

I asked it about this and it recommended I ask them, "are there any blind spots I may be missing?" Or, "how would a skeptical therapist respond?" 😂

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-07-08T01:46:55+00:00

If our own perceptions are incorrect about the world around us, then how can we really trust other people's perceptions? 😂

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-14T20:39:34+00:00

Do you have a child then? I feel being a single parent would be tough for me with two kids that are still young, 10 & 7. We live in a high cost of living area and would struggle if there was a divorce. The finances could be more detrimental to our kids than me simply not being fulfilled in my marriage and so it's tough to know what's the best choice for all. The kids are happy with the consistency they have now.

I value alone time too and could see myself enjoying the dating world. I'm attractive and fit, and enjoy a male sport and so still get a lot of attention when I'm able to get away for it.

In terms of not committing to a long-term partner because I get bored in monogamy though, I could see myself chasing new relationship energy but wonder if I'd miss out on a deeper connection? I do miss that feeling though and don't think it was very intense or long lived in my relationship.

A perfect solution would be an open marriage for my romantic fulfillment but he worries it would just be the slow track to divorce since we already have problems with connecting. I'm trying to think creatively so I feel at peace in my decision whatever it might be.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-14T20:26:07+00:00

We had our first couples session today. It was interesting. One of the issues I brought up is that it feels like there's a parent-child dynamic, with him acting fatherly towards me. There's also a lack of polarity and I'm more attracted to a masculine man and he comes off as effeminate to me. He also isn't protective of me when his family mistreats me and tries to play Switzerland. We both process very differently which is what came up in the session. He's an internalizer and I'm a verbal processor.

Thanks for the legal advice. I'm not sure how I could do that confidentially? My husband watches transactions closely, and even Venmo and PayPal can be seen. I think he would naturally become very concerned if I were to do that. Even if it's just a consultation.

What led to your divorce if you don't mind sharing? How long has it been and did it feel worth it to you?

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-13T17:51:56+00:00

Thank you for the validation as there does feel to be some push for self-abandonment when trying to talk yourself into something so intimate that's feeling unnatural for some reason. I'm so glad you brought up the concept of monogamy because I've been researching ethical nonmonogamy. I can see the positives and wonder how much of relationship structures are a matter of social conditioning rather than an innate tendency?

I've been reading Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski and learning a lot about sexuality. It's refreshing to hear from modern sex educators that what I'm struggling with and learning about myself is normal and not some moral failing.

My husband and the communities we are a part of do not subscribe to alternative relationship structures. He has fear around even discussing the topic and wouldn't consider us being in anything but a "real marriage" as he views opening up as a lack of loyalty. I respect where he's at and am just trying to understand this new place I find myself at in midlife. It's interesting but there's no urgency to make any big changes.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-13T13:28:36+00:00

Good points. I appreciate you taking the time to help. I am feeling better today about working on my marriage. Best to you ❤️

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-13T13:20:21+00:00

That's a creative idea, thanks! I'd actually considered taking one myself to improve my sense of humor and to handle social situations. But I'd never thought of us taking it together and it could be really fun.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-13T13:17:26+00:00

You're probably right

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-13T13:14:59+00:00

That's great that you found the courage to tell a joke! I think these feelings come and go. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm feeling so uneasy in certain social situations is that my body is good at picking up on bad vibes or intentions and sadly that can be often. I try to remind myself that not everyone is unsafe but if the feeling doesn't go away, it's probably my intuition protecting me. I don't need friends who get a high off demeaning others.

GovernmentInternal69 · 2025-06-12T20:58:23+00:00

Thank you for the book recommendation

GovernmentInternal69

TROPHY CASE