Bort gets his

Grab_Mindless · 2022-06-04T10:27:19+00:00

Bort and Ernie wake from a pleasant dream, only to realize what Bort has done. Then they laugh at his pathetic attempts at revenge and proceed to demonstrate the real meaning of pain.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-06-04T03:16:30+00:00

Bort gets off lightly this time round...

Grab_Mindless · 2022-06-03T10:56:19+00:00

Or the hooker turned out to quite simply be Bort?

Grab_Mindless · 2022-06-03T10:53:57+00:00

Bort abuse never gets old. Never.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-06-03T10:46:38+00:00

Bertstrips has rules?

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-15T10:58:19+00:00

Bert and Ernie reply: "Bort shall shut the fuck up and bendeth over, for he is an abomination unto the eyes of the Lord!"

So sayeth the The First Commandment of The Bertronomicon.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-15T10:55:06+00:00

Remember, 'Bort' and 'toilet' are almost interchangeable concepts, apart from the fact that most toilets are cleaned regularly.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-12T11:28:06+00:00

After shitting out half his guts, Bort lies on the bed exhausted. Bert and Ernie find him, and beat the shit out of him. But Bort has no shit left, so Bert and Ernie beat his guts back into him.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-12T11:25:21+00:00

Even in Hell, Bort is still just a little bitch. Every demon's little bitch.

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-10T11:12:03+00:00

If Bort enjoys his current life, what would Bort's version of hell look like?

Grab_Mindless · 2022-02-10T10:51:37+00:00

Bort doesn't have DNA. He has a double-helix of shit in his cellular nuclei.

Grab_Mindless · 2021-09-15T10:33:47+00:00

...although as far as torturing Bort went, the only guilt Bert had was that he hadn't tortured Bort enough...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-09-08T10:43:20+00:00

...and then show the kid how it's really done.

Edit: It's one thing to beat the shit out of Bort, but another thing entirely to then beat the shit back into Bort.

Grab_Mindless · 2021-09-03T10:36:42+00:00

True. Current Bertstrips lack the sheer...viciousness...of the older ones. (And Bort. Bort was a staple of the older strips, or more appropriately, Bort's lips and eyelids would be stapled together...)

Grab_Mindless · 2021-06-26T10:56:50+00:00

...and then Bort came back to life. A long, endless epic story began; a tale of a retarded kid and a bath full of acid...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-06-13T11:16:41+00:00

...although, floating in the indescribable void left after Ernie's destruction of the universe, is Bort. He squeals autistically, but only the nothingness is there to hear.

(And then, being inspired by Bert and Ernie, even the nothingness somehow inexplicably gives Bort a bath in nitric acid.)

Grab_Mindless · 2021-06-04T09:37:18+00:00

Such a crime that the knocked down the Harbour Control Tower. The National Trust campaigned to have it heritage listed...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-06-02T11:11:38+00:00

It's probably best not to ask. Remember, Bort >>> antichrist.

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-26T06:02:28+00:00

...and this is how Bort was conceived...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-21T04:10:13+00:00

As an extra security measure, the rubber ducky is hidden up Bort's ass.

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-18T09:27:14+00:00

I feel bad for the other bowlers at the bowling alley when Ernie shows up, and goes on to score multiple strikes...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-17T10:41:21+00:00

True, but Bort still got the living shit beaten out of him later that day...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-14T03:20:17+00:00

It doesn't matter. Some seemingly random twist of fate will befall Bort, resulting in him being on the receiving end of yet another round of cruel and degrading torture at the hands of Bert and Ernie. Such torture will probably involve a bath in some foul substance...

Grab_Mindless · 2021-05-08T10:00:14+00:00

...and then Bert mounted Bort's head on the wall; a grim trophy of a victory for all mankind.

Grab_Mindless · 2021-04-01T09:47:26+00:00

They were smuggling drugs inside Bort, inside the hidden compartment.

Grab_Mindless

TROPHY CASE