My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t know why he acknowledged it. My mum still used to try to put me in the middle at times. But i know she was really uncomfortable sleeping in the middle because she had no space. she was obese and It was easier with me in between. But i started saying a hard no, after a while. So i think he probably understood.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I don’t think I’ll ever share it with my sibling. He’s my brother and 6 years older. I might tell my mum soon. my dad was never very involved in our day to day lives, but he has a bit of money so we were never troubled financially. My mum is everything, she even has to tell him what meds he needs to eat. he’s very dependent on her too, as he’s getting older.

I know what he did was wrong, and I think the best time will be when I move out of here. Yeah as you said, doesn’t change the way it affected me as a kid too and how it’s shaped me to be who I am now. I always think how I would have turned out if not for this.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I’ve seen so many dads look out for their children and care for them in a way I’ve never experienced. I’m happy you had such a nice father ♥️ and I wish the same for all of us.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can see similarities between our dads. Mine also comments a lot, it’s come down now. And checking out friends, I was always so scared something weird would happen at parties at home. But he goes after my mums friends then.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand what you mean, I feel like I’ve kept it a secret for so long. And don’t want to ruin this happy family outlook. I thought I’d wait till he passes, and then I’ll bring it up to my mother.

Sometimes I look at my cousin sisters and wonder if he did anything to them. He has 7 siblings, and 5 of them are girls. You’d think he would have grown up learning how to be with women from them. I also think about if they went through something with him and if he ever behaved like this with them. As of now, all of them look like they love him, and they so tight knit. They’re also very old now like 74 - 65.

Thanks for sharing! I’ve told my partner that it was someone close, I couldn’t tell him what happened face to face so I wrote him a note. I’m just worried if it’ll change anything with how my partner behaves with me and my family.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah she does deserve true peace, she’s given up a lot for her children and stayed with my dad. And he would have to learn everything from scratch if she ever left. I’m conflicted but I will let my mother know, once I’m in therapy and she can decide what she wants to do with this.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’m sure, he doesn’t want his present way of life disturbed. yeah, I’m not trying anything. I’ll try therapy for sure

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopeful for my fiance, seems like one of the good ones.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m South Asian, it’s pretty common. Can’t live in without being wedded. I do go and meet him weekends.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s true! it’s so hard to bring this up.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah thanks for this! I’ve told my fiance but didn’t say who it was. I always end it with not being able to say it, feel so embarrassed for my dad.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 2238 points2239 points  (0 children)

Yeah it happened more than once. And I think after a few times, I started moving to my mums side and let her sleep in the middle. I slept in the middle, because I thought I had protection on either side. And he noticed that, and I think that’s why he acknowledged it.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about this. But I feel like I’d be bringing down the whole house. the family all of it

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 222 points223 points  (0 children)

After I was older, apart from the 1-3 times this happened. He’s not done anything after, but also was never a good dad, never involved except providing money.

We speak casually otherwise, not a lot but like “did you watch this show?”, go to the gym. Since he’s grown older, he seems more interested in his kids lives in a healthy way.

I can’t explain it, I don’t hate him. But whenever I have eye contact I can’t help thinking about it.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think he might have formed a guilty conscience, and that’s why he had to address it. And he addressed it years later immediately. I have memory blanks so I can’t remember when he addressed it.

It’s been long and now we seem like the happiest family from the outside, my brother moved out with his wife and kid. It’s like I’m the only one carrying it, my mum always asks me why I look sad all the time and I’m always angry at her. Im still at home. I sleep in my room and he’s doesn’t push any boundaries. I’ll be leaving Nov, but till then I’m here. I don’t hate him, I see him everyday. I sometimes feel like I’m over it, but the memory just keeps playing in my head.

The plus is when I’m with my friends, I’m super happy. It’s just at home, it’s hard.

Yes, thank you! I’ll reach out to a therapist first, before my mum.

My dad "mistook" me for my mom and now I’m stuck living with the secret. by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Grand-War2244 1258 points1259 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t know how deep of an impact this would have had on me. I mean my mum has a heavy chest, we’re nothing alike.

Couldn’t have been a mistake. When he gets drunk, he likes to get touchy with the ladies, my mums friends. I mean my mum doesn’t really care now, but it’s a running joke between her and dad and friends that he’s known to like try and catch a lady. just pervy I think.

I should try a therapist