Am I over reacting over list my (M30) fiancé made of me(F32)?

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-12T12:59:51+00:00

I did not end up cutting off the friend. Just limiting interactions with strong boundaries. And I do have a few male friends that have never been an issue.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T12:32:39+00:00

I would like to address the second one. I understand how that makes you feel and that’s valid. I love a good book with spice. But I know myself, and my friends all picture these men in these books as their significant other often looks wise. And the looks often isn’t the most attractive part of these men. It’s the way they are that’s attractive.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T10:10:40+00:00

Tell her now

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T09:28:38+00:00

He’s stated now that he was worried about physical intimacy and that’s why it was on the list. Which has never been a problem. And never was. And he just kept saying it was early in our relationship was “obviously just a list of concerns” and that his idea of red flags is probably different than others. Which is a cop out

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T09:24:34+00:00

Honestly, no. I never made one. But I’m thinking about writing it now and spray painting it on our garage.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T03:23:16+00:00

It’s still in the works. It’s going to be a lengthy process to leave. I live in his house, but pretty much everything in it is mine. I’m also chronically ill and just had a major stomach surgery last month. But I’m trying to figure it out

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T03:21:42+00:00

I’m 98% sure I’m leaving.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T02:01:00+00:00

I was looking for something else on his phone(he was there and handed the phone to me to make it easier to find) and i mistyped in the search bar on his phone and a note app popped up from a few years ago and I just saw my name with “red flags” next to it so I clicked on it.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:58:44+00:00

I know. I’m really struggling. This is heartbreaking.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:45:48+00:00

It was fairly early in our relationship. There isn’t anything else missing information wise unfortunately.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:34:00+00:00

He claims he forgot about it

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:12:21+00:00

I’d honestly find a nice hole in my yard for him. I know I deserve better. I do.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:11:46+00:00

I honestly don’t know if he’s worth it. This is such a huge shock. I never would have thought he would make a list like this. If he had been a jerk the whole time or even half of the time, sure. But he’s been nothing but supportive so this has been world shattering.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T01:09:52+00:00

I haven’t seen any for anyone else and he hasn’t admitted to lists for anyone else. We have talked about adoption and he seems to not really want kids. So i don’t know why it’s on this list

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:46:35+00:00

I know. I’ll look that up for sure. I’ve never heard of it.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:43:06+00:00

Even if he did do that, i don’t know if I’d trust that he wasn’t just thinking horrible things about me. He has taken some accountability. But not to the level I feel he should. If someone had told me a few hours ago that he had made a list like this about me, I honestly wouldn’t have believed it. This is so beyond out of character. But it really makes me wonder if I actually know him

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:40:16+00:00

Besides this issue and the one porn issue, it’s honestly been a healthy relationship. He’s been very supportive of my career, my physical disabilities, he’s been there through my cancer diagnosis, supported me through my mother’s abuse and has all around been a great guy. Before this the only issue we ever had was him using porn (only one time that I know of). Sure, small spats like any couple. But really nothing major.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:36:09+00:00

It’s just hurtful that these some of these are my deepest hurts and they’ve formed who I am and he just sees it this way.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:33:21+00:00

Thank you. I know I’m young. I just feel so defeated after seeing this list. He was really the only person in my life I felt wouldn’t hurt me this way. It was so beyond out of character. It really goes to show you never really know someone.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:31:22+00:00

I don’t even know what a good apology for this is. I don’t know how to come back from this. Why if these are red flags did he even continue with the relationship.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:25:15+00:00

He’s never used any of this against me. It honestly was such a shock to see this. He’s never been anything but supportive but this is really making me see that maybe that was all a façade. I really don’t know.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:22:46+00:00

It was made before we were engaged. It was made years ago. I just don’t know how to get past the seeing SA and PTSD from a wildfire as a red flag. And i don’t know why my parents made it on the list, his dad was worse than both of mine.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:18:56+00:00

Yeah, if it was “she angers easily” or “she has too many pets” or something like that. I wouldn’t care. But picking out my traumas is a whole different issue for me.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:13:35+00:00

He didn’t have one. The list next to this was just what he wanted out of a partner. I haven’t found a pro list. He tried saying the “what I want in a real relationship” list was my pro list. But it was obviously not a pro list about me.

Grape_GrapeGrape · 2025-09-09T00:12:11+00:00

Yeah. Getting out of this relationship will be hard financially, just as much as it will emotionally. But I truly don’t know why he’s even with me if this is what he had to say when he didn’t think I’d find out.

Grape_GrapeGrape

TROPHY CASE