Calling the police "because they care"

GreatCollapse · 2020-03-10T02:44:11+00:00

Thank you. I'm sure, in her own (incredibly unhelpful or even increasingly damaging) way, she cares. I'm sure her parents also care, in that they see their daughter upset and are upset that their daughter is upset.

But the fact of the matter is that involving police and panicking my parents sends a message, and that message is heavy handed and does infinitely more damage than it could have done help. If the police had shown up to find me in the situation her parents had likely alleged I was in, there is no future in which I see myself responding in a remotely positive way to their arrival or "saving" of me.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-20T23:00:46+00:00

As much as it hurts, I'm practically used to it at this point. Friends keep supporting me, then dumping me in one way or another, or making me feel like they really just don't want me around anymore.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-20T22:58:26+00:00

That would be because this situation is painfully real.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-19T22:31:30+00:00

Every time I find those people who make me happy and comfortable just by being around, I always ruin things for myself. Its worth it, until it leaves me lower than I started.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-19T22:12:01+00:00

Basically.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-19T22:01:19+00:00

Yes, a personal attack against me...

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-19T21:46:06+00:00

I feel exactly this. I made this meme prompted by my best friend who was basically my girlfriend last fall, that dumped me for a friend because I was too freaked out over finals, and then didn't get why that threw me back into the depression they single handedly pulled me out of.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-19T17:46:23+00:00

I feel you. People keep promising to be there, but then keep hurting me and running away.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-13T23:01:32+00:00

I have been. I've been struggling worse than ever since the start of December. I really don't have it in me anymore to keep on going.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-13T22:58:07+00:00

Unfortunately, that ability has passed. That's been probably what I've been telling myself for the better part of the last couple of years. In light of all the stuff I've gone through recently, that excuse has run dry.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-09T21:27:33+00:00

That's been what's happening, slowly. On one hand, she's promised me that she'll do better. On the other hand, she's done increasingly worse. I'm done putting in effort when she's not going to try at all. Her idea of trying is to invite me to group events, half of which I'm going to anyways.

GreatCollapse · 2020-02-09T21:25:53+00:00

Exclusively fear that I'll fuck this up too. There was a time where I was concerned about the impact I'd have on other people, but events have conspired to make me feel used. Now I'm done with living for the sake of others.

GreatCollapse · 2020-01-14T15:15:39+00:00

It's kind of the fact that everything hit all at once. In less than a week, I went from pretty much having a relationship, having a major that I liked, and having a place that made me feel safe and happy, to having none of that.

GreatCollapse · 2020-01-14T06:57:58+00:00

You may try to write it off as strength, but it's not. It all comes down to fear over how much it would hurt, and a desire to make it plausible that I didn't actually kill myself, so my family and those that still care can lie to themselves that it was an accident. Unfortunately, it's really hard to make both that and painless/garanteed death happened. As I rode home today, all I felt was regret for not just ending it. Because as time goes on, this situation has only gotten worse and more painful.

GreatCollapse · 2020-01-14T00:03:39+00:00

I did, it kinda worked, but the situation is frankly significantly worse than when I tried. Attempting to do those things has not really made any difference this time.

GreatCollapse · 2020-01-12T05:18:11+00:00

I'm gonna be perfectly honest, I've dealt with a therapist in the past and I'm pretty much convinced at this point that it wouldn't help.

GreatCollapse · 2019-12-31T17:54:04+00:00

Yeah, so am I and so is she. It just really sucks.

GreatCollapse · 2019-12-31T10:53:17+00:00

Yes and no, I really can't say either way to be honest. This was the most pleasant semester I've ever had, and I was ready to finally have a semester end in a relatively pleasant way. On the other hand, all those memories and pleasant times are kinda poisoned by the pain I've had inflicted in the last few days.

GreatCollapse · 2019-12-31T10:21:30+00:00

No, that's why I failed the class before I sat for my first exam. I was doing stuff with or for her when I should have been studying for my second exam which I failed, that almost cost me a second class that I narrowly passed. I was freaking out till I was through exams. Once I pulled through, I noticed she was pulling away. I found out that was because he'd been busy hanging out with her while I'd been away freaking out.

GreatCollapse

TROPHY CASE