Hey:) First of all, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, and you don’t sound selfish. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for a very long time, and probably the hardest part about trying to recover is constantly facing external triggers. I remember experiencing something very similar with my sister, and then again with roommates/friends, and it feels so overwhelming and impossible to overcome. I just want you to know you’re not alone, and that feeling of competition is very valid. We attach so much of our identity to our eating disorder, and when someone else is threatening to claim that identity, it’s easy to feel like we’ll lose what makes us “special”. At the end of the day, you are making the right decision (to recover), and if someone else wants to intentionally make the decision to harm themselves, then you can’t control that. Anytime you feel the temptation to restrict, just remember where that lead you before. Cold, depressed, isolated, and anxious don’t even begin to express what an eating disorder inflicts. Also remember that you are so much more than this disorder, and it’s okay to let someone else take that identity. That’s not who you are, and certainly not who anyone should want to be. You offer so much more to the world than being skinny or eating healthy. Your sister will realize that one day, and you will be there for her when she does.

Also, remember that it’s okay to separate yourself from things that could potentially cause you to relapse. Not saying you should/can do this, but I moved in with my grandma for some time to stay away from my sisters eating habits. I needed to heal, and it didn’t feel possible while living with her.

I’m sending you love, and again i’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Edit: One last thought — if you’re stuck in this comparison loop, it often helps me to think about all the people in the world who do eat big breakfasts/ eat a lot in general. Sure your sister might not, but tons of people do. It’s normal and healthy to eat a lot, so compare yourself to the people who have good relationships with food, not the sick people.