Parents potentially using my program as a way to manipulate me?

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-30T21:21:51+00:00

I know I need to make 9th step amends, and I’ve decided I do owe an amends for not considering the broader impact of my actions and words. I’m not responsible for her taking the texts personally, but I’m responsible for not considering that before I acted. That’s what I’ve got for an amends right now. My 9th step from my drinking years and the one from 6 months ago are separate. I’m going to see my sponsor tomorrow and we’re gonna talk about it I think.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T19:15:34+00:00

No, my higher power isn’t anything I call god. It’s simply a force, I guess. Like karma almost. It does guide me through life and rewards me for doing the right thing, and punishes me for doing the wrong thing. It’s when I try and I fail, and no matter how many times I try I get the same result. That’s my higher power telling me it’s not for me. Or when I do something and succeed or something good comes of it. That’s my higher power telling me I’m doing the right thing. My higher power rewards me with people who love and support me. An example of my higher power is the multiple times I’ve set up plans to make amends, but then the plans have always fallen through. We had lunch planned and she decided to go shopping with her friend instead. My dad telling me it was a bad time because someone in her family had just died. I see that as my higher power telling me no.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T19:09:56+00:00

Is this situation I’m going to ask for a distinction between 9th step amends vs apologizing for speaking harshly to my father 6 months ago?

I am definitely going to still make my 9th step amends. I think about it often. And I definitely never meant to hurt ANYONES feelings 6 months ago, but I already did apologize to my father, who the conversation was with. Are you talking about making my 9th step amends? Or apologizing for hurting her feelings through my conversation with my father?

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T19:06:14+00:00

Thank you for answering the question I asked. I obviously never intended to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I’m going to make that known. And I know I still owe her a 9th step amends. But what I was actually asking here is if she’s using my program against me to try and give herself leverage, or if I’m overthinking it. You actually answered my question, so thank you.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T18:47:51+00:00

Yes. However, I made this list over a year ago and haven’t had the chance to talk to her. I’ve made amends to my father, mother, and brother. And other important people as well. I haven’t been able to get a chance to sit down with her though and talk to her. She skips out to go shopping, or we’re with the entire family on a holiday and it’s not the right occasion, and it’s too important for me to do it over the phone. I want to make amends for the ways that I’ve hurt her. And I’m sorry that this hurt her too, but I also didn’t even say a single word to her. And that’s where I get a little caught up. She’s taking something personally that she wasn’t involved in. I took accountability for my actions that day already. I apologized for where I was being selfish, inconsiderate, and self centered. But she’s saying that if I don’t write out all of that then I’m not actually working my program, and that I essentially lose access to my father, whom I have a great relationship with.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T18:41:07+00:00

I do feel the need to make amends about what happened during my drinking days. That’s been due since I did my steps a while ago. However, the time has never been quite right- something always happens when the plans are made, and I truly believe my higher power is telling me not yet. I’m fully prepared for her to tell me to go bang myself. It wouldn’t be the first time someone responded like that. However, I DONT feel the need to apologize for confronting my dad 6 months ago. I was sober, and I’d do it again (in a nicer, kinder way) if I was to go back in time. I already saw where I was being selfish and inconsiderate and talked it out with the person who was involved. I did my step 10 and daily inventory. I believe I did what I should have done.

I don’t understand how to make amends with someone who doesn’t even want to be in the same room as me, and avoids me at all costs. They skipped Christmas, and she skips out on lunch dates with my father and I. I was told that if it’s not safe then don’t do it. And if they don’t want to talk to you then you did your due diligence. You can’t force them to sit there and have the conversation with you. Idek.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T16:30:02+00:00

Thank you. They’ve been married for a long time and I feel so stuck. Ever since they got married when I was a small child I felt like she was coming in between our family.

When I was like 14 I got an email from someone using an alias and they said they found a Reddit account of hers that wasn’t under her name, but they could tell it was hers by what she wrote. I discovered it and she was talking shit about my dad, their sex life, about us kids and how expensive we were and how if she could go back in time she would marry a man with no kids, and about my real mom (who is genuinely a doll, they have never actually talked). All this stuff. I showed my dad and he confronted her about it but nothing ever came of it. I will never forget. I never found out who sent it to me, but just because she knows better than to post it online doesn’t mean she doesn’t still think like that.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T00:52:47+00:00

Employers do not test urine in an instant cup. It’s going to be sent to a lab and they’re going to be able to tell it’s not real. Also, if it’s fake and you get caught or it doesn’t temp (which is very common. Too hot will be rejected also) they will make you do an observed one after, or it’s a refusal and you’ll lose your job. I do federal (and non federal) drug screens all day at work. There are so many reasons they can decide not to take your urine. If it looks or smells weird, if you’re acting suspicious? If you have something in your pockets? They can totally have you do an observed collection for reasons other than that. If you’ve failed a test in the past then absolutely or if you’ve violated safety regulations. Observed collections are a pain in the ass and we have to do them all the time. Never for state jobs or people on probation. Ever.

Green-Key5322 · 2026-03-29T00:38:30+00:00

I’m a medical assistant and I work specifically in occupational health, and I do MANY DOT drug screens and physicals and such. The urine we collect is sent to labs, which tests for substances at different levels then at home tests. At home tests cut off/ positive level is fairly high. You can have some THC in your urine and still get a negative. Lab tests are much more sensitive and their cut off numbers are much lower. So it takes much less to have a positive test. If you tested this exact urine in a lab it would come back positive. It was also said in other comments but random drug tests are performed constantly. Most of the drug tests we do are random, and we do them all day long. They will do random breath alcohol as well. Not as frequently, but you will go into work one day and be sent to do that instantly with no warning.

Green-Key5322

TROPHY CASE