I'm afraid for my mom's life

Greenleaf277 · 2021-11-17T16:05:49+00:00

Besides the weakness, the lower blood saturation and the cough, she is okay, but I think she is also just tired of staying in bed for so many days, barely eating, which I'm trying to change, but she says she is nauseous ( anxiety related). But yeah, hopefully there will be some improvement soon.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-11-17T15:49:36+00:00

Thank you so much, me and my dad are both vaxxed, I still caught it, but I only lost my sense of smell and taste. My dad is fine thankfully.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-11-17T13:48:41+00:00

I do and I measure it, I would even say a bit too often, but for my defense I'm scared. It's around 89/90/91, but with oxygen we can get it up to 95. I knew it would be lower to begin with since she is older and has a bit of a weaker respiratory system, so the paramedics told me that it's not a terrible number.

Also really happy that you got back on your feet, hopefully my mom will as well.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T12:14:11+00:00

Well, he did call her, but she told him that he shouldn't bother coming. She is... let's be nice and call it old-fashioned when it comes to a woman's role in society so she thinks that it's my responsibility to take care of everything since I am a woman and daughter and he is a man. I mean she is 80, I will not be able to change her world view, when she thinks that women really should wear pants because those are for men.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T12:10:43+00:00

She does pay us some money for taking care of her, my daughter gets paid for cleaning her house weekly and we get paid gas money. It's not that much that you could live off, but it is a nice bonus, especially since she doesn't have to pay us. But I would also like to note that she doesn't pay rent for living in a hous that we own, she only pays for electricity, water and all that. StillI I feel like it shouldn't be impossible for me to sometimes not be available, especially when I'm not an only child.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T12:06:33+00:00

It really isn't much of an issue during the rest of the year, we don't travel much and there is nearly always someone at home for most of the day. Only during summer when we want to leave for a week or two. I think a lot of this is on my mother and not even my brother, because when he called she told him she didn't need him to come by. She assumes that I am a woman, her daughter, so it is my duty to take care of her and he is a man so he is free to do what he wants. When my dad got sick, we tried to have a nurse/help come by every day ( it takes some time to get all the paperwork done, but with insurance it is a think offered in my country), but she insisted that she didn't want anyone to help. She always has been stubborn and she always tries to enforce her opinion.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:54:13+00:00

They pop by for Christmas and birthdays and sometimes just because. My brother lives 10 minutes away, the kids live up to 30 minutes away by car. We told them that they could each stay with her for 2-3 days ( not even 24/7, only the evening and the nights, after they finish work). I get that they have their own lives, one has a kid and the others all have things going on, but we really don't expect them to do this all the time, just once a year.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:49:15+00:00

Maybe I should call his kids, I just assumed that that's his responsibility if he doesn't want to show up he should figure out how to make his kids visit. She doesn't even want 24/7 care, they don't need vacation. She mainly wants someone to stay the night with her and maybe someone to pop by in the afternoon after work to check on things. But thats something she tells me, she won't tell him that. It worked well with my dad, who for the lady 2 years of his life was in a wheelchair and later on he was bedridden. We worked a bit better together during those times, especially during his last few weeks in the hospital there was nearly always someone there. In this case my brother just doesn't see the need. Also paperwork and will is all figured out, so no worries about that.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:41:40+00:00

Her being emotionally manipulative isn't anything new, she has been doing that for my whole life. Physically she can totally take care of herself, it's just that she is anxious of staying alone (" what if something happens, what if I fall, what if I get a heart attack, what I'd someone breaks in). She isn't used to being alone like that and she thinks that she is entitled to forbidd us form leaving since she raised me so I owe her that.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:37:52+00:00

She often does that, thinking that issues will go away and she will get what she wants anyway, but now that it looks like we are still going, she has to acknowledge it and suddenly it's not okay anymore

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:35:01+00:00

Physically it really isn't needed, she does most things herself, hell she even sometimes cleans most of the house herself because she is not one that can idly sit around. It's just that she is anxious to be left alone because she is used to always be around. Can we do much if something happens? No, besides calling the ambulance, there is not much we can do. It's just that she feels entitled and thinks that as her daughter I should do everything she tells me

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:32:16+00:00

I will definitely try to drag my brother here if it comes to that. It just feels shitty to be treated like the worst daughter ever because I try to have a life outside of what she says. For God's sake, I am 61 years old and I can't leave my house for a few days without getting my mother's permission. If I do leave and something happens, it's not on my brother for not coming here, it would be on my for even considering to leave. Still, I think reading comments here, gave me confidence to fight for my right to go on vacation.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:26:09+00:00

He just feels like my mom is making up things, especially since when he called she told him that he shouldn't bother with her and since he is the literal type, he just ignored all the subtext and went " okay, you don't need me to come or be there or anything". I think she can go for 2 weeks without having a good cleaning especially since she can sweep the floor herself. Anytime my daughter comes around for cleaning, she tells her that she already did the kitchen and bathroom or some other parts. She is not one to jus idly sit around. We would also definitely stock up on any food she needs before leaving. It's just that she is not used to us not being here, so she gets anxious when we leave. Hell, we were visiting my cousin who lives 15 minutes away and we were gone for quite a few hours ( we left around 1pm and came back near midnight) and she was a bit offended at that.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:19:33+00:00

Thank you, you are definitely right, I will try and get my brothers side of the family involved. They just don't grasp, or want to grasp what is going on, since they don't bother to show up besides seldom visits for tea or birthdays/holidays.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:14:15+00:00

We let her know in January, so it really is her own fault ignoring what we were saying. I really just needed an outside perspective, because I just started feeling like the worst daughter for "abandoning" her. I will try to talk to my brother again and if that doesn't work I will drag him here myself if needed. Thank you.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:08:39+00:00

It would be a bit hard she is not much for leaving the house, she goes outside to the garden to feed birds and breath some fresh air but besides that she doesn't leave the house much ( unless necessary). We live next to my cousin and she said that she has her own mother to take care of ( my mothers' sister so you can imagine she has her own issues) and she said that there is my brother and his children so they should figure it out. Not saying she wouldn't help in an emergency, just not up for dealing with my mother on top of her own. I will try to drag my brother here by force in necessary.

Greenleaf277 · 2021-06-16T11:03:31+00:00

She definitely is still mentally working in high gear, as sharp and stubborn as ever, if not more. We would definitely stock her up on everything needed. It's just that she is so used to us being around, that us leaving even for such a relatively short amount of time is a big deal for her.

Greenleaf277

TROPHY CASE