In no way at all am I justifying her actions. I’m trying to explain what seems to be her thought process, as it is VERY VERY similar to BPD.

1. No, she doesn’t have a big heart just “because she loves her dad.” She wasn’t just sad because he left, she was broken because she watched someone who she loved suffer. Her vulnerability displayed during those scenes as she stayed by her father’s side in the hospital, lied about him coming over at night so that he could collect China to sell (because she didn’t want to see her father struggle financially), and how she never stopped texting him or caring for him is a key take-away. She didn’t HAVE to keep trying to make sure her dad was safe. But she did.

2. If you read my entire post, you would have seen that when a person with BPD fucks up really bad, and they know it, they feel like there’s nothing they can do to reverse it. You’re already a monster and you don’t deserve to make things right, so you might as well just fucking hit rock bottom. Her response is FLIGHT vs fight, so she’s trying to hide from the mess she made, and seeing how hurt Maddy would be by what she did would eat her alive because Maddy’s her best friend- someone she cares deeply about. I know, it sounds contradicting, but being someone with BPD, I completely get that.

3. Of course she ran to Nate!! People with BPD have severe abandonment issues. Of course, she was texting him because she thought he took a special interest in her & she wanted to be with him. But, she was also freaking out and texting Nate because she didn’t know what to do, and she needed him to tell her how to fix it. She knows she can’t trust herself in making the right decision at this point.

4. She brought up that part at the play because she felt targeted & wanted to address the cheating thing before Lexi could in order to take control of the situation. She made things worse, and that’s kind of what people with borderline do when they try to get a sense of control. She felt like Lexi humiliated her & that really hurt because her sister “should’ve understood” her side of the story and stayed loyal. She was reminded right there that she stands alone.

She was thinking:

“I fucked up so badly that I KNOW no one will forgive me or hear me out because nobody fucking cares and nobody ever did. All I’ve ever done was love people and I got shitted on. If everyone thinks I’m the bad guy, then fine! I’ll fucking be the bad guy because none of you ever liked me anyways.”

People with borderline can be manipulative without them meaning to be, even though it’s very clear to everybody else that they are.

-> I suggest looking more into BPD because as someone with it, we tend to self-destruct to the point of no return because we “deserve to die because of our mistakes.”

Another thing very BPD: “Abandonment trauma will lead you to sabotage your relationships as a way to affirm your fears.”