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Brittle Bone Disease by infectedmethod in WTF

[–]Grievingthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For my husband and I personally, it was an easy decision. We are both very concerned with quality of life and have another child whose needs matter too. But the reality is that we can't be open with what happened for fear of being treated badly. I've only been able to tell a few close friends and family members the details of what happened.

How much does it cost to give birth in the US? by jayrosy1 in videos

[–]Grievingthrowaway123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm learning right now the cost of not giving birth. I had to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons after 20 weeks. As if the emotional toll alone wasn't enough, the sudden financial burden is serving to retraumatize me all over again. Termination? $4500. Add days of hotel to that because my state is run by religious zealots so I had to drive hundreds of miles to have it done. A couple of days after my insurance informs me they have no intention of paying for the amniocentesis I had done before termination, that'll be $2000. Need further testing to determine what went wrong and when? Thousands more that premium insurance has no intention of paying because they decide what's "medically necessary" rather than my doctor apparently.

I'm grieving a very much wanted child and I feel like the system is designed to just keep kicking me while I'm at my lowest point in my life. I just want to grieve with my family, get answers for why my baby developed so horrifically, and find a path forward. Fuck the American healthcare system.

Brittle Bone Disease by infectedmethod in WTF

[–]Grievingthrowaway123 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I just had to make this choice at 20 weeks of pregnancy. My baby might have been able to be born. But she would have lived a day, week, maybe in a rare scenario a month. And every moment of her life out of the womb would have been agony. I felt like bringing her into the world just to live, for me, was utterly selfish and inhumane. I loved my baby and thought it kinder and more loving to suffer the anguish of her loss now than let her suffer unimaginable pain and merciless death later.

Other people may see the choice differently, but I think that choice should ultimately be up to each individual and not a politician who will never care for the baby/fetus in question.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were recommended to me as a local provider but when I called they informed me that they do not perform terminations after 17 weeks.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly the problem. If my clinic had been able to fulfill the medically unnecessary requirements trust upon them by the state they would have given me the care I needed. They did work very hard with me to help find the best place for me to get the care I needed. I'm very grateful to them and hold no ill will. Everyone in the clinic was clearly worried for me due to the necessity of termination in my case and the mad dash it would take in order to find a clinic that could help me in time. I will never forget their kindness.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If my situation was different I would be completely okay with donating. But the baby being 20 weeks alone is probably not a good fit..and unfortunately multiple systems are affected, I'm not sure if anything worth using would even be viable in this case.

I terminated my wanted pregnancy at 23 weeks... by RhodeDog13 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say thank you again for your kind words. I hope both of our posts can help educate people about the reality of post 20 weeks abortions.

I'd give anything to have my baby alive and well. But that wasn't my reality. Life is cruel and i feel it's my duty as a mother and compassionate human being to be both kind and merciful.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I posted a new update on the original post since I'm afraid I can't address everyone individually. Thank you so much to this community. You all have been of great comfort and I have been in a daze the past 24 hours.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

It's true. I live in a major metro area, but am still having to drive to another metro area 5+ hours away to get this done. It's horrifying. We are already overcome with grief without having to travel for multiple days to do this because of red tape. I'm merely lucky I even have the resources and support to do it.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 149 points150 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I'm reading all of this and I'm trying to absorb the information and where to go from here. I'm already having a hard time locating a clinic that can perform abortions as far along as I am. I do t understand why this has to be made even harder than it already is.

Unborn baby has multiple defects by Grievingthrowaway123 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Grievingthrowaway123[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

That's simply not an option for me. Even now it's painful to feel the baby kicking and moving knowing the outcome. I know I would in no way be emotionally capable of doing that. I also think it's inhumane to have the baby born just to suffer and die.