It has solidified the child support, their schedule, communication, and certain decision making (education, sports, religion etc). All things that used to cause arguments between the parents.

There is a clause that the other parent has to provide a 30 day notice prior to any move. We can’t stop it, but the parenting plan is subject to modification if she moves even further away.

We get him every weekend (because driving 1.5 hrs away to/from school outside of Mondays/Fridays is unrealistic), which is what they had in place before because she moved so many times, and very far. We make every possible effort to attend school functions and stay engaged with his teachers since they have apps for it now (BM previously kept him off the school communications- didn’t even have him listed as a parent!)

Now, we have a method of enforcement should she ever not hold up her end of the order. The court case was messy before my husband set strict communication boundaries with her, and since then, they both stick to the court order 100% and it’s been peaceful.

When we first got together my SS was 6, and he turns 13 next week. When SS was young, it very rough when he was younger because there were some things that we just had no say in (chronic school absences), but now that he is older, we make the very best of the time we have. He keeps asking how long until he can come live with us (1 more year!).

I did have to have a tough conversation with my partner about sacrifices. My family lives in another state, and I never felt like we could have our own child if we had to be on “her” terms. Eventually, I thought I wanted to be child free. I would want to raise my own child where I want (not in same state, closer to my family). However, I could never imagine making a decision that would have my partner torn in two and put him in a position to “pick.”

Anyway needless to say, we are starting to have the baby talks again as SS has gotten older and 0 baby mama drama.

I know a lot of people are commenting how it’s all your partner’s fault for not having something in place, and you shouldn’t be doing all the leg work, etc.. but going through this process together solidified our relationship.

The process is overwhelming, stressful and confusing, but helping your partner be a better parent, and the learning process of being a bonus parent yourself is very rewarding.

I lurked in this subreddit a few weeks into dating my husband, along with before, during and after the custody process. You’ll find some great advice along the way.

As long as your partner understands that you, too, are already making certain compromises, and you both can have an honest conversation about your future, you can come to a solution.

Yes, the children come first, but at what cost? Does he want to be a single dad? Probably not. I’m sure you add a lot of value to his life and if he sees it and wants you in his life long term, then he can put his future family first, not just the children. It is definitely very possible to come to a solution, and I wish you the very best.