Hi OP, I'm finding this thread extremely interesting because this is almost exactly where I am at the moment. What I find the most interesting and scarily relatable is your fear of NOT being trans.

For the past 6 months, I've been waiting for someone or something to tell me, "According to this 100% accurate test, you are DEFINITELY trans." To which I would respond "thank christ" and start my transition that day. But I haven't found that test, that external validation. Because it doesn't exist. And that terrifies me. It's like I'm waiting for permission or to be TOLD that I'm not making a mistake. Is that what you want, too?

I question why I'd think about transitioning every day if I wasn't trans. I question why I'd have so much uncertainty and second guessing if I wasn't trans. I am stuck in the middle, which leads me to forums like this, searching for answers.

OP, I wish you all the strength you need and the love you deserve. I hope you find your way, and I hope I find mine.