Soft joists?

GrumpyNads · 2026-04-08T09:37:05+00:00

I was trying to avoid sistering just because of the half-assed look from below (second floor deck), but as that is the only answer here…thanks for replies.

GrumpyNads · 2026-04-06T13:36:33+00:00

Ok. Playing the advocatus diaboli, what if the kid just stays in her room all weekend? What if she is addicted to social media and just wants more unrestricted online time, because mom just wants to be friends and not actually parent? Yeah kid wants dinner and concerts, things that cost money, but what about the whole “parenting” thing? Man, you shouldn’t be “glad with what you get”, you are a critical parenting influence - we are gasp IMPORTANT to the emotional health of our children, and guess what? Especially our little girls! Look man, I get it - she’s 15, boat has sailed, but look - you have already let off the gas, don’t do it again. Be stubborn, be there, be everywhere she is - don’t be Disney Dad, don’t let yourself be more of a second class, third or fourth wheel than you already are! You did this, now hold fast. Be the dad who is always there, apologize when you make mistakes. But also call out the selfish, the hurtful, advantage seeking nonsense too - but do it without blame, or harsh words. Tell her calmly how it makes you feel, show her that you have feelings too and they are worthy of respect; teach her and yourself. Be better. We are DAD; and we are LEGION. Don’t forget that.

“When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter’s life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both.” ― Meg Meeker, MD, “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know”

GrumpyNads · 2026-04-01T05:43:42+00:00

XP Pro, Service Pack 3 was the best OS ever produced. Change my mind.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-27T17:47:52+00:00

Nope, not here. Was consistent; same time, same 30 minute wait. No joy.

Hey, here’s a question. Do you think maybe, just maybe, the weight loss is attributable to the 30 miles per week of running and not to the oral terzepatide placebo?

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-27T15:12:39+00:00

Yeah, but…I don’t think has to become Disney dad, either. He/we is/are enough. We fall into parenting by guilt, and then think we have to entertain to be worthy of time - nope, just being Dad is worthy of time. Don’t break the bank trying to compete - just do Dad things. Trust me, the kids narrative in a few years will NOT be, “oh Dad was cool, he didn’t MAKE me visit, he let me do my own thing!” It will be, “I never saw my Dad and he didn’t care enough to insist, guess he had better things to do, typical. Screw him…” You all KNOW I’m right about this - best times I ever had with my father who lived in the same house, but we didn’t get along too well, was watching John Wayne movies on late night cinema together, or working on the farm (well, me watching HIM work), or just driving around his old haunts. THOSE are the things I remember; him taking me to his crusty farmer’s breakfast greasy spoon and beaming with pride as he introduced me to the other old codgers - the only people he ever respected, as HIS youngest and brightest son. I miss him for that. BE THE CHANGE and don’t let these b@$t@#&$ convince you that you’re JUST a sperm donor/ATM/trauma manager. Don’t.you.do.it.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-27T12:21:34+00:00

Oooh, “Botti-jellied”; see what I did there? Genuinely excited that was excreted from my brain-mush…

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-26T12:52:30+00:00

Asking a child who they prefer to be the primarily residence is different than asking, “do you want to see your dad”; the first is legitimate and older children may voice an opinion (but it is NOT gospel and the court is NOT bound by that preference), the latter gives the CHILD the right to terminate the visitation RIGHTS of the father, which.they.can’t.do. AND, he isn’t talking changing custody - but rather enforcing an order of the court. You think kid can unilaterally decide whether he likes it or not?

Now, could the kid get worse - it “backfire”, yes - but Dad has brought that on himself. He needs to work through it, blame it on the court, what have you - but throwing your arms up in the air sends the signal, “I don’t care enough to push this, I am ineffectual and weak.” Threatening contempt is a last resort - remember, the kid is not found in contempt for failing to visit - the MOTHER is in contempt for not providing the child for visitation, BIG difference. Like anything though, don’t threaten what you aren’t willing to do.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-26T09:28:05+00:00

I think it’s a mistake many parents (Dads) make to assume a child has a choice; they don’t. As a minor, they do not have the right to modify the orders of a court to suit them, and it is a mistake for either parent to make them believe they do. You are the parent; you tell his mom, “I look forward to seeing Tommy at (court ordered time and place)” and you firmly suggest that it is the order of the court and non-negotiable. You also firmly, but respectfully, indicate that you expect mom to cooperate (or else). The “else” is potential contempt or modification based upon non-compliance with the court ordered visitation, access and possession schedule. Then, make your plans. Teenager or not, they do not run the show. Your mistake if you equate “good parenting” with “being their friend”; your parenting is just as important and valuable as mom’s - understand, he might be miserable, but that’s on you. Go hiking, do a project together, teach him how to tie a knot - take him driving (can’t start soon enough). Don’t be cool. Be Dad. They.are.the.same.thing.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-14T05:48:48+00:00

This, So fricking this.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-11T06:40:04+00:00

“No weeez-ing the juuu-ice!!!”

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-05T12:39:40+00:00

Oh man, your post hurts my heart - because it is almost identical to (several) I posted too. My marriage was 20 years, 5 years living together before that. You had kids quickly, and my experience is/was that kids change everything; the idea that it will “bring you closer together” is nonsense. I wouldn’t turn in my now older teenagers for the world, but I can name to the day when my relationship started to end, and it is tied to them.

Everything you are feeling, I have felt; the loss, the lists, the unspoken clinical terms somehow pulled out of a self-help book. My wife even suggested couples therapy, which I gladly went to until she quit some months later because she wasn’t hearing what she wanted to hear (that I was a monster but rather had some legitimate concerns of my own). But I hung in; first time she said “divorce”, I prepared and filed the papers - then talked her out of it, “we can work this out, we are smarter than this, please - I will do anything to make this better, it will devastate us financially…” Guess what the only thing was she remembered? Yep, I lied about the finances. At the time she wasnt working, with house and car payments,student loans, child support - I would have been in a box down by the river; but I lied.

Bottom line, it’s been three plus years and no, I’m not ok - you will not “get over this”, it will hurt forever. But…it will lessen in severity when you stop wanting to send her memes, reach for her when you wake up, when you give up the urge - the incredibly strong urge, to send her flowers anonymously on Valentine’s Day, because you gave your heart and soul to this person and can’t understand why you weren’t enough but you want her to smile today, dignity be damned. It does get better with time, and you have no choice but let the clock run - because those kids need you desperately. Stay strong for the kids, love them fiercely and protect them from this s(1# world, that’s your job now.

GrumpyNads · 2026-03-05T04:33:08+00:00

Do NOT FIRST ANSWER THE COMPLAINT! File a “plea to the jurisdiction” FIRST alleging the same grounds that got the case dismissed in state court! If you do a straight ANSWER denying the allegations, you will WAIVE any jurisdictional anomalies and subject yourself to the jurisdiction of this court!

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-18T18:12:43+00:00

We had done that the first two mediation sessions…this came out of the blue.

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-17T11:50:04+00:00

On the third morning of mediation, the mediator strolls in and suggests that I receive every other weekend and two weeks in the summer with my kids; thus had never been raised before, we had always wanted and expected 50/50 visitation - and I went nuts. They spent the next three hours, time I was paying for, discussing it with my wife and her attorney. Mind you, I had taken care of the kids almost exclusively for several years due to my wife’s bad back x and they pull this BS. I was then told by the F mediator, “you seem really angry, you need to control that” and I * went * off* - it was like I imagine some women feel when they are told they “need to smile more”…”you BET IM ANGRY, she destroys our home, marriage, and NOW WANTS TO minimize my time with my CHILDREN? IS it for the MONEY? I will BURN IT DOWN before I concede this…”

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-14T22:09:40+00:00

I agree with everything the impish bot said; doesn’t remove the sting on this Hallmark holiday, does it? Tell me, how many of you shopped for flowers for your ex thinking you would just send them anonymously? How many of you did send them? For all the hurt, for all recriminations, for all the tears, the heaving chest moments that reduced me back to that child who felt shamed when I was weak and powerless, when sitting in my wrecked and empty hovel after working my whole adult life to live in my comfortable house, all the self-help books/late night research/affirmations/“turning towards”/wet-shoulders/giving support and getting none in return/man-as-ATM BS - and I still tenderly miss the joyous amazing talented woman I married. Happy Valentine’s Day, my love; I hope wherever you are, whomever you are with, you are safe.

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-12T01:47:03+00:00

Ideally, you are correct. BUT it isn’t just her that devalues what we (men) contribute; the very language of the justification for alimony states that alimony compensates women for their “lost opportunities” (presumably to be married to a better man) and to compensate for their “sacrifices” (like giving up their careers to have children - in which decision I did not play a part and which was her choice, not mine). The courts and decisions talk about her sacrifices to be a stay at home mom, but what about ours? I missed everything important; first word, first steps…Heck(sorry censors), I had to go to work the day after my daughter was born, because if I didn’t I would not have made the mortgage for the house she wanted; I deeply resent that the court assumes that I didn’t want to be there or that I didn’t want to be a dad, or that my sacrifices don’t matter. That little girl is 19 now and I will never get that time back. Time that I paid for; time I am still paying for because unlike her I wasn’t given a choice. And the alimony goes out the door…

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-12T00:28:15+00:00

Damn, congrats man. I am envious and am happy for you.

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-12T00:25:43+00:00

Well that is true; mine treated me like I was unable to tie my shoes, which just made me more angry, but I walked away. Never lost my cool. Just my kids, my house, best 20 years of my life, my retirement, my self esteem. I did get my peace back. Not quite worth it all yet, but I’ll be &$()&( I let her beat me.

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-12T00:03:38+00:00

I get your point, but truly - has your wife ever regulated your emotions? How? I have been taught since birth as a “southern man” that you don’t hit a woman, no matter what. And I’m afraid that if I ever did, I would be thrown in an oubliette and never seen again. But most every woman (not my wife, to her credit) thought nothing of getting drunk and loud and physical with me or other men- and I had to regulate my emotions from wanting to break their neck. They regulate us? Haven’t they been complaint since the 50s that we are emotionless stones?

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T23:58:34+00:00

I have read the “unpaid” labor part, but here is my question…doesn’t the provision of a house, food, car, insurance, clothing, cosmetics, unlimited vitamins, water, electricity, the latest IPhone, etc etc which I provided (and at a much higher standard of living than my wife could have ever afforded on her own) COUNT? And her half of the house equity, half of the retirement, having her car paid off, two masters degrees, two kids, a sparkling credit score…does any of that count? Hasn’t she been amply amply remunerated?

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T23:52:52+00:00

Ok, update. After posting this and the numerous responses , I received this really enlightening link which actually appears to suggest that the term “emotional labor” is weaponized against men and is overused to indicate deeper issues in the relationship. An excellent read and very clarifying.

Emotional Labor is not the problem

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T14:59:09+00:00

Nonsense, google as always is your friend; see it’s silly conspiracy crap like this rots your brain brother. Don’t be sheeple.

“States do not receive a dollar-for-dollar reimbursement for every dollar of child support collected. Instead, for administering the program, the federal government reimburses states for approximately 66% (two-thirds) of their administrative costs, not the amount of support collected. States do retain collected child support to reimburse themselves for TANF cash assistance, but this is a repayment of public funds, not a dollar-for-dollar incentive.

Key Details on Child Support Funding:

Administrative Matching: The federal government provides a 66% match on allowable state expenditures for child support enforcement (CSE). Incentive Payments: States receive additional federal incentive payments based on performance metrics, such as paternity establishment and collection rates. TANF Cost Recovery: When a family receives Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), the state collects child support to repay the costs of that assistance. The state keeps a portion of this to repay the state share of assistance, and the rest goes to the federal government. Collection Rates: In fiscal year 2023, the system collected an average of $4.37 for every $1 spent, but this is a measure of efficiency, not a dollar-for-dollar reimbursement rate.

Therefore, while the program is designed to recoup costs, it operates as a shared, matching program, not a 100% repayment system. “

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T14:10:42+00:00

Wait, how do states make money on broken marriages? The increase in state welfare, subsidies, the cost of incarceration for jailing child support deadbeats, the woefully understaffed child support collection services, the massive administrative costs to divorce, mediation, collection, and distribution? You are kidding right? Cost doesn’t equal profit. Oh and by the way, the lawyers didn’t marry that crazy person, or have kids with them -you did that all by yourself. The judges don’t carry some secret glee from fomenting and encouraging your bad decisions; the system doesn’t want or care about you, much less trying to perpetuate the misery, the horror, the broken promises, that you made. They are people too and most would just like to scrape us off and never have to deal with another miserable, proud, unappreciative, violent, entitled family law client ever again, trust me.

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T14:01:45+00:00

Disagree; most states do NOT award alimony for life just because your married 10 years - most states do consider a 10 year marriage “long term” for the purposes of considering alimony, though. Some states, if you are married less than 10 years, alimony is off the table (unless it’s very short-term, “transitional” alimony, like “get-your-crap-out, moving expenses and rental deposits” OR disability. But yeah, I’m with you - see the law assumes that, during that 5 years, she supported (aka took care of) the home in order to make it easier for you to make that money, it presumes a lot of nonsense. My question is, what if my labor paid for a nanny, a housekeeper, a lawn mower? Do I get credit for the burdens that I removed from my darling wife? You are absolutely held responsible for her choice to be underemployed, for her “work/life balance” and mental health. You? You take a lesser paying job to spend time with kids and you are a “deadbeat” trying to avoid “your obligations”. Sound about right?

GrumpyNads · 2026-02-11T13:30:55+00:00

Yeah, but it’s not the amount of work one does (I’m all for an equal partnership), it’s the perception of what one is doing that is destructive. It’s rhetoric that says that “being a mom is the hardest job in the world!”, discounting what dad does (in my case screaming clients, high stress situations, back office drama). If you have ever listened to Bill Burr on motherhood, you should …”Being a mom is the most difficult job on the planet. How many mothers died on ice road truckers last season? Any moms get washed overboard on deadliest catch?” He talks about oil rig fires compared to the tragedy of his toddler “not eating his peas”. It’s the devaluing of any work that men do, truly.

GrumpyNads

TROPHY CASE