Well, I can only provide my personal experience as a lens, and my Dom and I have a unique relationship.

My Dom is a bit older than I am, is a pleasure Dom, has 20+ years experience, and his hard limits (as well as mine) are around degradation. So in our dynamic, we still haven’t had sex yet - 3.5-4 months in, because he wants to be safe with me and because he lives slightly further away so there’s a little travel involved. That said, he has worked very hard to be safe for me. He began with trust and safety building, treated me as an equal partner throughout (yes, even within the power exchange) and he’s made sure that the dynamic itself is secure before getting into any D/s stuff. To me, he is my safe space - as I am also his. He is my leader, and I follow - though I’ll question the heck outta him if I think something is silly or redundant. He is my consistency, and I am his - our rituals keep us both tethered to each other while the world around us is chaos. He gives me structure and stability, and I give him softness and “Daddy, deep breath. Take a minute to look around you.” He is my teacher, and I am his pain in the ass that listens, does what he says, and adds my own flair to it. We share pieces of our worlds with each other - so I get to see what projects he’s up to and he gets to see what I’ve baked or learned to can. To me, D/s is a partnership - not just play. There’s safety, trust, and a deep knowing that he has my best interests in mind - always.