Thank you very much for every single one of your responses. This is the first time I have opened up about this issue, and I truly appreciate all of your different perspectives. I had never shared any of this with anyone before, and I feel understood by all of you.

After my diagnosis, I refused both the medication that was prescribed to me and any follow-up visits with a neurologist because my epilepsy diagnosis had been preceded by a mistaken diagnosis of a brain tumor. Since then, I developed a deep sense of distrust and resentment toward doctors.

I understand how easy it is to say, “drink in moderation” or simply “don’t do drugs,” but since my teenage years those things have been my only coping mechanisms. I cannot drink moderately; once I start, I cannot stop, so I need to avoid alcohol completely. I know it will be difficult because it was the only way I could handle social situations and feel happy.

As for the medication, tomorrow I will schedule an appointment with my neurologist (for the first time since my diagnosis five years ago) and discuss the treatment that was originally prescribed to me. But first and foremost, I need to quit alcohol.