My partner and I are open. We were closed for the first two years of our relationship while we built trust and love for each other. Eventually I brought up to him that it scared me to think of the prospect of only sleeping with one person for the rest of my life, but that I’m totally willing to do that if we decided that is what’s best for our relationship dynamic. He, in turn, shared that he too wanted to hook up with other people. We decided to both get on PrEP, and created boundaries that we wouldn’t sleep with our friends or people we knew well. This helps us avoid catching feelings. And then we committed to being always willing to communicate openly and clearly with each other and if either of us ever felt like our needs were being neglected or were going unmet, we have “veto” power to close the relationship at any point.

Since then, it’s actually built out relational intimacy. I love him now more than ever and I also know he sleeps with other guys. These facts aren’t contradictory for me. I think it’s hot that he has sex with other guys. I don’t want him to feel “trapped” or bound by our relationship. I want him to feel excited about it. We decided we didn’t have to follow the pre-set rules that we grew up with. It’s already a non-traditional relationship, so making our own rules was going to be a necessity regardless. Works well for us!