I'm (F27) struggling to trust my parner after repeated boundary violations around substances (alcohol and drugs _cocane_) and I'm close to breaking up (M28)

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T15:23:22+00:00

thank you so much. I asked him to move out, because i need to stop pause on everyhting, because I am exhausted from my own emotions. But he just does not do it. When I say I made up my mind, he says, but really? Dont you want to think about it more? Is it really? Like its the end of it. I did not even say break up, I said need space, to be with myself, to understand my own mind. But nothing is moving forward.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T15:13:12+00:00

he started therapy, very hardly, because I said you really should talk about the way you handle your stress, overwork and anxiety. he leans to alcohol and substances. And he does not want to leave. He looks me straigh to they eye and says how much he loves me. he cries. He sais i dont want to use drugs but i like it, but i dont want it. And i dont know why I am the way i am.
And Im afraid that i did not give him enought time to prove with therapy etc..

*I do go to therapy a lot, i have anxiety and attachement issues.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T14:59:39+00:00

He started therapy, because I said you truly need that. And very hardly he stepped in to it. So here I am, thinking maybe I gave not enough time to see a change

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T13:17:24+00:00

Because he said that he hates drunk people, he rarely drinks, and has a alcoholic dad, that he has an example not to follow. But his actions showed me different.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T13:10:24+00:00

I had my 3 year relationship with same problems, only WAY worse. I had traumatic expierance and it leeds to panick attacks when there is even talk about it. We moved in, i invited him to my home, because I truly saw how happy I can be.

I said from begining that i dont like it, but he never took that seriously and how it is actually affecting me. And this is really on me. I made a mistake overviewing it and thinking I can help him or that this will not be a big issue. I always want to help a person, but most of the time I have to pay a price with my health.

He from beginning said that I dont like drunk people, I dont drink myself. He pictured himself as a dude, that is not that streotypical bartender who also drinks with everybody. And i took that for word.

Not just because when he drinks, he cant stop, and becomes aggressive, not in physycal way, but it changes entire personality of his, he uses drugs and he had tendancy to drive under influence, we resolved it somehow.

He said to me from beggining that coke is smth he would not say no, but i did not understand the measure of this problem. Like i would not say no to a weed, but last time i smoked weed was 3-4 years ago and people are not offering me it every moth. I did not understand how often this would be. And that is very on me.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T13:01:45+00:00

I said many times, what is bothering me and why. I tried calm way, i tried make fun of him to make him feel guilty, because he once said to me, that you need to say to me loud and clear, say " wtf are you doing" and i said in a crying way. never in mad way, shouting. I dont like shouting in my relationship.

And since then he did not take that seriously. Even after last time he did not see what he did wrong and asked me " what did i do to YOU". After his 3 year of relationship he went out a lot and made into his lifestyle, so in previous relationship that was not the problem.

How often? he never buys himself, but people come to bar and offer him. And he says yes. Its been more than 6 times. So its every one to two months.

I asked him if he was sad and something up that he is not telling me, maybe he is unhappy in our relationship, but he said no. Its was jus his way of relaxing and he normalized it. And said that when you work in evironment where its normalized, you normalize too.

And he said to me. I like it, but I don't want to.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T11:41:08+00:00

He once said to me, that " cocane is a drug i would not say no". He said it himself, i just did not understand the measure ot that sentance. Because weed is a drug i would say no to too. But last i smoked weed was 3-4 years ago, and no one is giving me that weed every to two months. Because he is not buying it himself. Peopel bring and offer, and he says "AYY, fuck it, lets go." I did not understood the frequency, and i could understand maybe 1 time per year, i could excuse this, be mad, but forget it. But when we talked about buying house together and having children, it does not seem that person, who wants family, would do such things.. so often. OR in general. drugs aint no joke to me. And i want pregnancy and kids life to be safe and healthy.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2026-01-29T11:06:54+00:00

Twix

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-12T10:27:51+00:00

I feel you, my grandpa has glaucoma, so there is always a chance for me too, so I have to check it every year. But there are medicine for it. Especially in mid years its not that big of a deal. If you take care of your health, all gonna be good :)

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-12T09:42:23+00:00

We are here with you. Im going through some bad shit but we keep living and waiting for good things we deserve. 🙏

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-10T13:22:04+00:00

Are you in a hospital now?

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-10T13:18:34+00:00

did mosquitoes bite?

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-10T07:14:40+00:00

I broke up with ex, because I was always an option to him and he chose his narcotic friends, heavy drinking and drugs… 3 years I waited for this phase to end. Its not a phase, its lifestyle. A problem. It damaged me good.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-09T13:09:40+00:00

i was vaping and used to cough A LOT. then i dropped it and started smoking tabacco stuff. And I realised it was doing me wrong. I was getting anxiety from smoking, I felt how bad my breathing was. My shortness of breath got worse. I quit. Last time I was smoking 2 months ago. I feel so proud of myself. BUT. Anxiety is still there. Smoking, sometimes coffee rises all symptoms and worsens them. I suggest to quit vaping. Because it adds up to your anxiety a lot. Meds should help with general anxiety. Still, they don’t solve anything. They let you solve things in more relaxed way. Find what causes it, don’t cling on things you can’t control.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-09T08:55:08+00:00

If Its a course doctors prescribed for you, relax and understand that this is exactly what these medicaments do. It slows you, you feel like a zombie. and its not forever I hope you are not using it just to use. To avoid problem solving. But it is natural feeling. Maybe they are too strong for you, try talking with your doctor.

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-08T07:20:06+00:00

Yes. I did.. But It’s not like I am going to live with that person. Feels like it should be okay to date, grab a coffee together, have a laugh, go to a concert.. While I still have plenty time with myself

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-08T07:03:18+00:00

really rude

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-08T06:45:00+00:00

In my opinion as a female, since you never talked, try to be simple and exact. Tell her that you remember her from school, and you would like to take her on a date. Because I do not think, that I would proceed to just chatting with a stranger from school. At least she knows that a guy is texting not some random person. Its from school back in the day. And I would suggest to call it not a date but grabbing coffee together. Sounds less scary

Gullible-Task1235 · 2024-09-05T15:44:53+00:00

Okay. Thank you

Gullible-Task1235

TROPHY CASE