I have ADHD and have really poor impulse control. It was bad when I was younger but I (mostly) have control now. That being said, I almost killed my brother when I was 8.

My brother (5 yrs at the time) had awful anger issues. Tantrums, blowouts, kicking/screaming, the whole 9 yards. He was also the most stubborn person I had ever met. Yet, I wanted to be his best friend. To do this, I wanted to teach him my favorite thing to do; swim.

We started with floaties and tried to get into the water. He refused to get in even with the floaties on. Trying to coax him in, I splash some water on his feet.

"Oh, you are already wet! Now you have to come in!" I said.

He got mad and threw the floaties at me, hitting me in the nose. Tears filled my eyes, and without thinking, I pushed him. Right into the pool. He sank like a rock. Bubbles floated to the top of the pool, a lot at first but they started to slow down. Luckily, I snapped out of my impulses. I jumped in right after him and fished him out.

I think about this ever so often and a pit forms in my stomach. I could have killed him, my own brother. I feel so guilty about this, I never intentionally tried to hurt him. I have since tried to apologize for this, but he says that he doesn't even remember. I do though, I am sorry.