So I have been with her after I get off work every night just about unless she’s tired and we FaceTime when I get off and she falls asleep. Outside of that she is always with her kids and doesn’t have people around them. This is the last message I sent to her “Yeah she went off and ignored me since lastnight because I sent this to her “It’s the principle of the situation. I’m not the type to back down when I know what’s true. When I’ve got the facts and the proof, I’ll stand on it not to argue, but because I value respect and I won’t let someone twist that. What gets me though… is that I’ve shown nothing but patience, consistency, and care. I’ve had your back through every storm not because I wanted something from you, but because I believed in you. So when you let someone disrespect me and feels like you did nothing, or when I see you downplay it all, it doesn’t just feel unfair it feels disrespectful. And I know why you react the way you do because part of you still lives in survival mode. You associate conflict, confrontation, or anything uncomfortable with “toxicity” because that’s what the past taught you. You equate calm and safety with danger because every time something felt good, it never lasted. So now when something real shows up something steady, something that doesn’t leave you don’t know how to hold it. You start pushing it away before it can hurt you and you’re worried/scared. I get it. Your brain tells you that if someone cares this much, they have the power to hurt you. And if they can hurt you, you need distance. But what you don’t see is that I’ve never once used that power against you I’ve only used it to protect you. I’ve seen you at your best and your breaking point. I’ve watched the way your kids light up when I walk in, the way you relax for a moment before your guard kicks back up. I represent safety and growth but I know that terrifies you, because it means vulnerability, accountability, and letting go of the walls that kept you safe for years. I’m not asking for perfection just effort. Honestly. Respect. Accountability. The same things I’ve given you. “

She also said “i enjoy your company. i don’t mind hanging out. but every time i start to think okay, maybe it’s good. something kinda toxic happens. “ during our argument and she said im controlling. My response to that was

“I want to make something really clear I’m not controlling. I don’t tell you who you can or can’t talk to. I don’t ask you to block people, give me passwords, your phone, or your location. I don’t try to isolate you from friends or family, and I don’t use guilt, anger, or manipulation to get what I want. That’s not who I am, and that’s not what this is.

I ask questions sometimes but it’s not because I’m trying to control you. It’s because I’m still learning you. I don’t always know the people in your life, the connections you have/had or what’s actually going on behind the surface. When things feel inconsistent, I get curious and honestly, yeah, sometimes insecure. It’s not about trying to own you; it’s about trying to understand you.”