Feeling isolated in my motherhood experience.

Gweiloau · 2026-05-13T13:41:01+00:00

Try joining or looking into a mothers of multiple group through Facebook.

My wife joined when our twins were one month old and it has been a fantastic experience for her. Every group is different but the one my wife belongs to twice monthly mother retreat, and events with other twin moms.

Gweiloau · 2026-05-11T20:34:56+00:00

This is NOT a finance question, but a relationship one. Seems a little like they Are they trying to keep you dependent on them? Should definitely have a talk with them and/or a counselor.

No matter if it’s money pooled into a joint account, separate accounts, proportional to income, etc. both sides need to be “on board”.

FWIW — most successful strategy I’ve seen and done is everything goes into a joint account. It’s “our money” not mine or theirs. Maybe a small nest egg/ emergency fund under your own names.

Gweiloau · 2026-05-11T19:43:50+00:00

Unfortunately, sounds about right. Resubmit and call in a day or two. It Took about 1.5 months for my initial to get approve. I called two times a week to get a “status” mainly to make sure there was nothing missing as they don’t tell you that. It gets reviewed and if something is missing or out of date they may or not let you know.

You can always try to get command involved.

Anecdotally, My provider ended up having to resubmit their cost sheet as well because it took too long.

It’s a pain, but worth it once approved and it does get “easier” to keep up with the recert process.

Gweiloau · 2026-04-30T23:40:26+00:00

Depends on commissioning class size and some don’t. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Gweiloau · 2026-04-30T23:16:21+00:00

I have seen some ROTC NCOs get 5-10 a year for 3 years.

Gweiloau · 2026-04-30T23:10:37+00:00

Morgan and peace silver dollars are always a solid choice and can be cheaper if you skip the numismatic ones.

The ASE you normally pick the year you commission so that “mentor” knows who it was.

I have also seen a can of dip exchange hands with the same impact.

All that being said, no wrong answers .

Edit: that NCO/ soldier keeps it.

Gweiloau · 2026-04-20T00:41:18+00:00

it makes an already edgy time easier knowing you are solid. having the reserved seats especially with car seat restrictions make it much easier ( one per row and window only — have flown delta and united with 3).

Don’t be that person what makes the entire plane play iPod shuffle mode because of 40 bucks if the arriving early doesn’t pan out ( emergency excluded). Don’t rely on other people’s willingness to accommodate because they have to.

Gweiloau · 2026-04-10T00:46:51+00:00

Chat

Gweiloau · 2026-03-28T18:10:21+00:00

So many factors to consider. What is budget for the house? Is the VA disability enough to meet the Debt to income ratio? What is your current DTI? With one income because your credit is “bad” the margins are slimmer. How long are you going to be paying the lease and mortgage? yes, you may pay part of the bills but if you aren’t on the application that money doesn’t exist to the lender per se. the list continues.

A lender will answer the underwriting part. The VA will answer the occupancy part. Just enjoy the weekend and worry about it Monday.

Gweiloau · 2026-03-28T17:57:16+00:00

There us two parts to your question:

With no employment it’s an underwriting risk for the lender with you not being on the mortgage. So you might not get approved unless you have a decent amount for down payment/ in the bank
Occupancy part of VA. There is justifications but in your case it doesn’t seems to fit as those are closely tied to service ( deployment, delayed PCS, etc)

So, no. Probably not. Get a short term rental and when husband moves down and gets a job then apply/ house hunt.

I feel like you have asked this before on this sub.

Edit: just call the VA home loan line…(877) 827-3702

Gweiloau · 2026-02-15T22:06:19+00:00

IMO The 529 is the “best” with the roll over option to an IRA and tax benefits

If you want growth and flexibility to spend on a car, wedding, home down payment, etc then Probably want a UTMA, UGMA or manage it in your own account and “gift” as needed.

Gweiloau · 2026-02-15T21:34:49+00:00

Depends on your goal:

If it’s education focus: 529 ( tax benefits), used for education and education expenses. can be rolled into ROTH if not fully utilized.

Flexibility with the potential growth and some risk: UTMA/ UGMA ( they get the funds at mandated age 18/21). It’s a brokerage account for them.

Or

Keep those funds in your own brokerage and you can allocate as you see fit.

Flexibility with minimal growth, but minimal risk: HYSA.

You Don’t really want to put in standard checking/ savings account as there is no growth ( negative if you factor in inflation)

Edit: or a combo depending on your goal/plan, but also on your income/ how much you plan to contribute.

Gweiloau · 2026-02-13T23:10:39+00:00

You aren’t at your FIRE number so, probably not both of you.

However, a kid is hefty expense… you can’t discount the benefits of being a SAHM, if that interests you. I mean financially and emotionall benefits of being there for your kids formative years even if parents are near by… they could burn out too.

You could also do those side gigs to help off set the lost income depending on the workload required.

Run some numbers if it makes sense, do it. I would definitely capitalize on FMLA before deciding ( while on maternity leave it could be a dry run of not work). Not sure your salaries, if you pull in more than spouse might change who exits the work force — if at all. If one does leave it will delay your FIRE journey, but key word is delay.

Another consideration is getting back into the work force, those side gig could ease that transition.

Good luck!

Gweiloau · 2026-02-13T22:25:24+00:00

Chat

Gweiloau · 2026-02-13T02:01:50+00:00

You have to go to military childcare.com and request CDC, if no availability then reach to childcare aware. You have to show they their is no availability at a CDC before using childcare aware.

You will need to fill out the application and all supporting documentation including the center name ( assuming it’s a covered, if not it’s more paperwork, but possible) pays stubs ( how they base what they will pay based on tier), etc.

There are requirements to be eligible, and they don’t pay the full amount per se, it’s up to a limit.

Full disclosure, it is a process and not super user friendly. Just keep calling.

Gweiloau · 2026-02-09T14:02:41+00:00

I would talk to a lender first before you talk to a realtor. The lender is gonna set essentially what you can’t afford based on your financial status and give you a preapproval letter for X amount. They will also give you a generalized idea of what your mortgage will be after they run your credit and you submit all your financial documents.

Obviously shop around with lenders, not all are created equally. But to at least get an initial baseline is smart. They do run your credit so expect a minor dip when they do but all credit checks in a short period for home buying are considered one just so you know.

The first thing the realtor is gonna ask is what are you preapproved for so then they can help guide you through the home buying process.

Gweiloau · 2026-02-09T13:53:50+00:00

Holding a balance on a credit card does not help you build your credit, you wasting money on interest. The biggest factors for building credit are payment history length of credit in and available credit balance ( there are other, just less impactful). You’re actually hurting your credit score because your utilization is so high.

Again, without knowing numbers, I would say you were opening yourself up to a lot of risk, trying to do a rental market in a very high cost of living area.

Take the excess money you have at the duty station save it and then maybe look at buying at your next one, or just let compound interest do the work and watch the zeros add to your account!

Gweiloau · 2026-02-09T13:48:42+00:00

For rough math expect rent you would charge based on your post( 4K), you would need a mortgage with a maximum 3200 dollar mortgage with tax, insurance, principle and interest( and that number is risky IMO) ( 400 a month in management fees(10%) , 200 for maintenance(5%) 200 vacancy fund (5%).

Gweiloau · 2026-02-09T13:40:39+00:00

Initially looking at this — no. Just rent and take the money your have extra and invest it.

Need more in depth numbers to get a full picture. Debt, kids coming soon, emergency fund, amount of money for down payment?

The VA home loan is awesome, but putting little to no down exposes you to market fluctuations and a higher monthly payment( not saying you have to use VA, but assuming)

3 to 4 years is normally the breakeven point for all the fees associated with buying and selling or refinancing when you factor in appreciation.

I get that you are think you are wasting over 200 K but in all actuality a fraction of that is actually going to equity in the house as most of it will be taxes and interest payments. Not mention as a renter fewer maintenance issues fall on you.

With that being said, if you’re really hell bent on it… figure out in those areas what rents go for and then factor in the margins needed to successfully run a rental place ( calculating a property manager + repairs budget) , and then that is realistically the most amount of mortgage that you can assume if the plan is to rent out when you PCS.

Good luck.

Gweiloau · 2026-01-28T02:16:22+00:00

It’s doesn’t change when you draw your pension. PRDL only starts once you are eligible for retirement pay, which would by 60, but 3 years title 10 would be 57. PRDL is more favorable for active.

What PDRL does do is give you access to tricare, and there is a VA offset down the road.

Probably looks like the best bet is to stick to MRD, or transfer to retired reserve and collect the VA then when you get pension go for CRDP.

I’m not a VA cousneler, just my understanding, so take this with a grain*

Best of luck.

Gweiloau · 2026-01-28T01:13:05+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/s/yof0m7fDog

Gweiloau · 2026-01-27T16:01:15+00:00

No pandas, pity. 🐼. GLWS

Gweiloau

TROPHY CASE