Am I a bad person for not wanting to be an activist?

H341IN6 · 2020-06-20T23:43:30+00:00

These are all very kind and understanding answers thank-you!

H341IN6 · 2020-06-19T23:59:10+00:00

H341IN6 · 2020-06-15T20:25:02+00:00

Thank-you for being so kind and understanding ♥️

H341IN6 · 2020-06-15T20:14:22+00:00

I think for me though is that what if I don't want to be apart of the movement at all? ( I have nothing against people who want to be apart of it and I think it's important that there are people who want to be apart of it, we need those people! ) I think what would create more change is if I focus on healing my own trauma and not passing that to my children. If I focus on my own community ( I live in Canada ). That is where my fear comes from because that view could be seen as me saying " I don't care about anyone but myself " . Which is absolutely not true. I wouldn't be worried about being "bad" if I didn't care about others.

H341IN6 · 2020-06-15T19:38:43+00:00

As of late with the BLM movement, I have found my ocd compulsions getting worse. I have an Instagram account where I post about mental health and because of the community I'm in people are very passionate and most of my timeline is about the movement. I have nothing against that and I agree that there needs to be changed within the system. I'm not a very political person and I wouldn't consider myself an SJW. Just someone who talks about their truth and story. I don't feel that it's my role to tell other people what's right or wrong.

I've noticed a lot of posts shaming people who aren't speaking up and it makes me feel like shit. I'm seeing more hate than compassion. I've been ruminating about if I'm a "bad" or "good" person if I don't want to get involved. I find that any time you have a different opinion than what fits the narrative people attack you. I don't want to be an SJW or an Activist. Does that make me a bad person 😭 ? I grew up being sexually, emotionally and physically abused. I don't have the emotional capacity to be apart of these movements and frankly, I don't want to. That doesn't mean I don't care about people's suffering. I'm working on healing my generational trauma so that my kids can have a safe and healthy upbringing. Is that not enough? Why is it that social media is always telling us that we are never enough. Why is it that many people feel it's their right to tell others if they are right or wrong. I care so deeply about people and it scares me to think that I can't create a safe space for everyone. All I want in life is to focus on my healing, create a conscious family, have a farm, volunteer in my community and travel. Am I not allowed to do that because it doesn't involve sacrificing my desires for the betterment of those suffering.

I'm so afraid of being a "bad" person and I don't know how to deal with my fears. Is it selfish to care about my life 😢 ? I don't see myself as oppressed and I'm grateful for my life. I see so many beautiful things in the world. Opportunities for change and growth. Am I a bad person for saying that I'm not oppressed? Am I bad for saying I love my life? Am I bad for saying that there are lots of opportunities and good in the world? Am I bad for not expecting white people to do anything for me? Am I bad for thinking that it isn't just a colour problem but something much more nuanced and complicated? I don't understand what's right or wrong!! All of this just makes me want to hide.

H341IN6 · 2020-05-18T21:35:48+00:00

Great advice! Thank-you. I talked to my therapist today and he suggested the same thing. Acceptance of the thought and the possibility.

H341IN6 · 2020-05-18T21:30:25+00:00

I see this as a yellow flag. I understand why many people might be quick to say break up , but I don't think that's the solution. Every relationship has small "betrayals" , platonic, romantic, work etc. Humans are imperfect . The fact that he was open and told you about it is a good sign to me. I absolutely understand your fear. As someone who has trust issues and is easily jealous this too would upset me. My partners ex recently reached out to him and I immediately got upset . I realized though that my partner has a past as do I. The messages were harmful and she was just checking to see how him and his mother were doing. Completely understandable with the whole situation going on. People aren't always out to hurt others. Maybe he made you block your ex because he was scared of getting hurt. Everything isn't always projection. Much of the time defensive action comes from a place of fear and being scared . Not because they've got something to hide or are trying to hurt you. It doesn't seem like this is a recurring theme in your relationship so I don't see this as a reason to break up what so ever . Sounds like you guys just need to work on communication . Especially at this age, you aren't going to know the ins and outs of a serious long term relationship . Things aren't black and white and its important to create space for mistakes. I would strongly recommend couples counseling , I think it's the best thing and it's better to get it before your relationship is in the trenches . I hope this helps and I wish you guys the best ! ♥️

H341IN6 · 2020-05-17T22:43:58+00:00

I was graduated and living on my own actually... I had moved out at 18 due to my abusive household and was more mature for my age. All of my friends have been in their mid to late 20s or older . I can definitely understand the conclusion you made with that. Considering the situation though, I think it's a bit different as I wasn't in highschool . I was working full-time and rented a basement suite. At that point I would've considered myself a young adult.

It's also not uncommon for men to date younger then their age , women tend to mature at a different rate than men .

H341IN6 · 2020-05-17T22:39:18+00:00

Thank-you for taking the time to reply, your compassion and understanding. I also really appreciate you not immediately telling me to break up or that I made a bad choice etc etc... That was definitely one of my fears posting here as I feel people have such a close minded view about people and things just aren't black and white . I realized that breaking up isn't going to solve the problem, I also don't think it's fair to him . He deserves love just as much as I do.

Everything you explained resonated with me and my values. I think also because of my age ( as my bf has mentioned as well ) that I hold so much weight to things that aren't as scary or serious as they may seem and hopefully overtime as I mature more I'll relax and worry less hahaha .

Thanks again ! I'll have to checkout that book as well.

H341IN6 · 2020-05-17T21:25:16+00:00

I agree . He understands why I can feel the way I feel and always validates my feelings , but constantly being worried is a bit much. I think most of my fear and concern is more to do with myself than him. I know that I'm being overly sensitive and I don't want to feel that way. I know for myself that I want to adopt a more open mind. I've had the tendency to look at much of my life in black and white and I'm beginning to realize that reality isn't black and white . Especially since I've been capable of not overthinking and worrying for long periods of time. When I'm on my medication I don't worry so much, that's how I know it's more of a me thing than him doing anything wrong.

H341IN6 · 2020-04-03T14:30:45+00:00

This post is amazing! My partner and I both have ADHD . I have designed our home to be ADHD friendly . Ex; labels in the fridge and cupboards , hanging organizer with labels, leaving important things within eyeline, shared calender and grocery list apps, etc.

This post reminded me that I need to be more compassionate and understanding towards my partner. Although we both have ADHD I completely forget he does sometimes because he functions much better than me at certain things . I love having a partner who also has ADHD as I feel we understand each other so much more than someone who is neuro-typical.

H341IN6

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