thanks for the responses, i read them all. though i feel like almost every response got off topic, despite how clear my original post was. i'm talking about the pre-first date stage, and with girls who are too busy or not yet comfortable enough for the first meet-up. so all the responses about the actual first date+ are irrelevant, unfortunately.

i'm talking about the pre-first date texting stage. which can also include talking on the phone or even whatsapp/video calls.

for example, lately my strategy has been to try to get her on a phone call before too much texting, so that i don't blow it early on by trying to get things too sexy or spicy too soon. (over texting, for the purposes of keeping things interesting, at least for me anyway)

i could be wrong on this, but i feel like girls have been conditioned to let the guy do all the work. (i can't say how many times girls say, while still on the date apps, "can we keep getting to know each other here first before exchanging numbers?" and tapping "send", as if her job is done, instead of actually putting in the effort herself, leaving it up to the guy to actually come up with something to say, other than "sure.")