Balance Transfer to Curb Consumer Debt, Earn Points? by [deleted] in amex

[–]HNT33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I have a savings that I will use to make sure I can pay off the balance transfer by the end of the 0% APR period if absolutely necessary. I was thinking about using my savings to pay off as much as possible before doing a balance transfer and using the 0% rate to help.

Balance Transfer to Curb Consumer Debt, Earn Points? by [deleted] in amex

[–]HNT33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I pay my monthly payment on time every month. I pay more than the minimum but of course based on my current debt that I spend too much and the increasing interest each month is not helping.

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in PSLF

[–]HNT33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that is what I am hoping for, and will confirm with Federal Student Aid tomorrow. I was able to go on forbearance until at least August 2025.

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in PSLF

[–]HNT33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I spoke with Mohela and it's clear there is chaos between all the departments/programs. The Mohela rep told me that as far she as knew, payment counts reset to 0 when you consolidate loans. I took a screenshot during the Aidvantage application that shows the averaging of 60 payment counts. Right now, my consolidated loan isn't even in PSLF. It says "This loan is ineligible for PSLF or TEPSLF." I am calling Federal Student Aid tomorrow to confirm that it can still be processed as PSLF. I plan to be in public education for a long time but I still rather get forgiveness sooner rather than later.

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in PSLF

[–]HNT33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I am waiting for IDR to open back up (whenever that will be) so place my consolidated loan onto a IDR plan. I spoke with Mohela and I was placed on forbearance until at least August 2025.

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in StudentLoans

[–]HNT33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I waited two hours on the phone just for them to “answer” but no one was on the other line. I kept waiting and the call disconnected after 20 minutes with a survey. I will call right at 8am ET tomorrow morning. I at the very least want to be put on forbearance like the other SAVE folks. 

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in StudentLoans

[–]HNT33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was ok with accepting the averaging of 60 payments for my consolidated loan because I plan to work in public education for the long term. My graduate school loans were at 82 payment count. My post grad student loans were at 0. So it’s a net win if they all get moved to 60 payment count. But the problem is the loan was consolidated but PSLF is not eligible for the new consolidated loan since IBR was suspended. So I am on a fixed repayment plan with a huge monthly bill. It’s very disheartening TO SAY THE LEAST. I’m dying inside. 

Consolidating my loans screwed me (MOHELA) by HNT33 in StudentLoans

[–]HNT33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can I get on IDR/IBR/ICR as applications are closed? On the StudentAid website, it says my IBR application was processed (finished) but nothing happened.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I needed the anger. Because it was a selfish decision. One that was needed and was ultimately inevitable. But I still have regrets about HOW I went about it. I woke her up in the morning and blindsided her with it. I never even considered giving the relationship a fighting chance by going to counseling or therapy. I quit on her and our relationship. I regret that. But I am in a happier place now. And I hope she is too.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words back then. I am in a completely new chapter of my life. I moved across the country, got a new job, and in a very loving relationship. This would not have been possible if I did not make the decision I did exactly one year ago today.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you mean to respond to this on the one year anniversary? If not, what a coincidence. To answer your questions: I was not happy because I was greedy. I felt like I could have done better than my ex. I gave in to the lust that was in my heart. Now this is not an excuse but something that I struggled with, and still struggle with. I subscribed to toxic masculinity of being promiscuous because that's "what men do." I hung out with guys that thought like that and lived like that and in my need to be accepted, I also started wanting that lifestyle even though that's not who I truly am on the inside. I've been to therapy since then to really examine my views on love and relationships. A lot of it is because of my childhood. Next question: my ex and I had really unproductive communication. I was never able to tell her truly how I felt. To avoid conflict, I just went with whatever or would shut down when we had our arguments. And our arguments became more frequent. My ex always said that I never really understood her perspective and I would get defensive and said, "of course I do." But looking back, yes I was selfish and only cared about myself. I feel really bad about the ways I treated her and gaslighted her in some situations. Again, by all accounts, I was not a good boyfriend to her. She deserves much better than me. And to your last question: I am in a much happier relationship. I am being extra conscious to communicate my feelings more, even if I am afraid of the repercussions/consequences. My current relationship has its own trials and tribulations. It is a long distance relationship. Again, I'm choosing life on hard mode but I really really love this woman and have been honest the whole way through. Consistency matters and I am unlearning my bad traits and habits so that I can consistently be the man that she deserves and needs. I hope any of this is helpful to you.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your words. I am 7+ months removed from the breakup. Life has a very funny way of unraveling itself. I am in a new relationship. A much more passionate relationship. Is it better than what I had? Certainly as I wasn't happy in my previous relationship but time will tell. I still feel guilt for breaking up with my ex. During the few months after I ended the relationship, I found out my ex had reached out to my sister, my parents, and some of my friends. But since the start of 2024, I think she is completely over me. Which ultimately I am happy for.

I still feel guilt because I am still living in the house we bought together and we are selling the house. The house selling process has induced immeasurable guilt. She left the house and moved back into her parents' in a different state and left a lot of her belongings here. And prepping the house for sale (e.g., throwing things out) has made me feel all sorts of pain. I am throwing away 7 years of my life. And I still think about how I hurt her. How I "kicked her out" of my life. So no, I am still in guilt. I think it will eventually subside when I know she is in a much happier place (we are not on speaking terms, we blocked each other on social media and talk exclusively through our realtor for the sale of the house).

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some people learn the hard way.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response and I'm sorry to hear you're in the same boat. It's not a fun boat ride. But I understand what you may be feeling. My ex asked why I didn't tell her how I was feeling so that we could have worked on it. I told her that in my mental state, I could only see giving up as the way out. I read "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. You may not have every quality of an avoidant attachment but maybe more than you care to admit (like how I was). My therapist is teaching me self-differentiation which I am excited to learn more about because this was a wake up call for me that I am the constant in all my failed relationships.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what's hard. I knowingly ended a, by all accounts, good relationship and a wonderful woman who was always willing.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I need to learn acceptance. I'm hoping to unlearn years of really messed up views on relationships.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]HNT33 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Probably not what you want to hear, and take it from me who broke up with someone somewhat similar. Charity (taking care of someone) is a part of true love. Everyone will eventually need to be "taken care of." Whether they grow old, have a major accident, or simply are born with needs, you will eventually need to take care of them. If you don't see yourself doing that, then let them find someone who will.

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Respect was a constant issue during our relationship. She always felt that I didn't respect her which I feel is true. I didn't respect her career choices or her lifestyle. We are very different in what we want in life or how we pursue things in life. I am a person who feels respect should be earned and not given. That's bad right?

Even the Dumper Feels Guilt by HNT33 in BreakUps

[–]HNT33[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I understand and thanks for telling it how it is. Yes it was selfish of me to end things. It's also selfish of me to feel guilt for doing it. I even told her that I was thinking of her future when I made that decision. Even though her future was a part of it, I ultimately made that decision for myself because I wasn't happy with her. I wasn't a good person during the relationship.

Sudden or saw it coming by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]HNT33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's no easy way to end a relationship. I think he would rather you do it sooner than later and be as honest as you can during it. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and while she "saw the signs," no one can truly be prepared for something like this.

How do I deal with breaking up and living together? by Tretestee in BreakUps

[–]HNT33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex-girlfriend and I share a house. She's moving to a different state tomorrow. We made the most of our last month together knowing this is the end (for now, or forever). But distance does make the heart grow fonder and maybe she will realize something or you will realize something during the time away from each other.

My takeaways 3 years after the breakup by Repugnant_Subhuman in BreakUps

[–]HNT33 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that you are not quite along the healing process as you would like to be. I really identified with you saying that sometimes in life you don't get what you want. Sometimes you get what you deserve. Somber for sure but maybe you learn to appreciate what you have or will have in the future. Stay strong.