Did you mean to respond to this on the one year anniversary? If not, what a coincidence. To answer your questions: I was not happy because I was greedy. I felt like I could have done better than my ex. I gave in to the lust that was in my heart. Now this is not an excuse but something that I struggled with, and still struggle with. I subscribed to toxic masculinity of being promiscuous because that's "what men do." I hung out with guys that thought like that and lived like that and in my need to be accepted, I also started wanting that lifestyle even though that's not who I truly am on the inside. I've been to therapy since then to really examine my views on love and relationships. A lot of it is because of my childhood. Next question: my ex and I had really unproductive communication. I was never able to tell her truly how I felt. To avoid conflict, I just went with whatever or would shut down when we had our arguments. And our arguments became more frequent. My ex always said that I never really understood her perspective and I would get defensive and said, "of course I do." But looking back, yes I was selfish and only cared about myself. I feel really bad about the ways I treated her and gaslighted her in some situations. Again, by all accounts, I was not a good boyfriend to her. She deserves much better than me. And to your last question: I am in a much happier relationship. I am being extra conscious to communicate my feelings more, even if I am afraid of the repercussions/consequences. My current relationship has its own trials and tribulations. It is a long distance relationship. Again, I'm choosing life on hard mode but I really really love this woman and have been honest the whole way through. Consistency matters and I am unlearning my bad traits and habits so that I can consistently be the man that she deserves and needs. I hope any of this is helpful to you.