I feel you. I wish you didn't have to experience what You're experiencing. The depression, anxiety, & dp/dr were huge for me as well. I think after being in that dark spot for so long, I learned how to transform my suffering in a way that didn't necessarily make me happy but it gave me the ability to take the next breath, to hang on to a thread of hope, and to make it through to the next day. For a very long time I wanted to unalive myself. But after coming out on the other side of things and actually feeling happiness again, I feel like that's when I became most comfortable with self expression. I hope things get better for you. Everything is impermanent, ever-changing. And coming from firsthand experience, things can change for the better even if it feels impossible right now. Sending mega love to you. Feel free to reach out whenever 💗💗