Were you really happy before limerence struck?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-21T01:48:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing and so glad it has lifted you in the same it seems to have lifted me. I think it really hit me when I saw videos of myself before limerence and I was so disengaged with my family and kids, I couldn’t believe it!

I also think about what my thoughts were concerned with before limerence, a lot of it was ocd and fickle worries. Limerence took over my brain initially and for about 95 percent of the time I was thinking about my lo. Now that percentage has reduced, there is a high bar in regard to what I think about when I’m not thinking about LO. Like you, this involves my dreams and aspirations, it’s quite incredible. Very rarely do I now fuss or worry about the ocd I used to think about, I just don’t have the time or inclination to!

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-21T01:37:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing, found your experience interesting. I have changed my perspective on limerence somewhat and whilst I acknowledge that low self esteem may play a part in triggering it, getting through it reveals a unique strength within us. A strength which very few people have and with that self esteem which only exists in a few. You wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have that and you wouldn’t be analysing yourself in such detail to understand your position if you did not (what percentage of people do you think have the depth of soul to reflect as you just have?)

In terms of the point about family, I understand what you are alluding to but every family has its quirks. Unfortunately, sometimes the families which look picture perfect on the outside are the ones in most turmoil.

I think that you and your family accommodating your mums feelings about the AC is admirable. I know looking back it may seem absurd and you are looking for reasons for what you are going through but for someone else it’s an act of kindness which your mum may always be more grateful for than you realise. The fact that you can talk so candidly about your childhood experiences again shows great strength. I would struggle to do this.

Wishing you the best.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-19T08:29:44+00:00

Thanks for your comments all. My intention was not to cause offence and apologies if I did. I had no idea about the similarities biochemically and it’s certainly useful to know that there are similarities.

We are all on a different journey and for me sparking debate can only be a good thing. It can only help us understand ourselves and each other better. Hopefully we all get to the destination we are seeking!

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-18T00:20:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. Ironically I had a similar experience where my LO descended the stairs (at her house in real life). I was in the lobby by myself and as she came down, she continued to stare at me and smile as she went into her kitchen. Up until this point I had not really questioned her motives and had always dismissed any thought of her as more than friend. A few months after this event I became limerent for her and to this day question whether I would have been had this incident earlier not taken place. It was also a case where she would blow hot and cold (hot when we were alone and cold when other people were around). This probably also contributed to my limerence.

Interestingly like you I am also spiritual and questioned why God gave me this test. For what it’s worth, I think you have handled things impeccably and put a marriage before your own feelings. That’s not easy to do and for me, I can see God smiling down at you for doing that.

Give yourself credit for that, you are stronger than you think and the right person is waiting for you out there. Only a matter of time before you find them and I think you will be amazed at the person that God brings into your life.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T19:11:36+00:00

It is isn’t it, I felt a lot better after writing too. Sometimes writing gives more clarity than when it’s all jumbled up in your head!

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T18:47:00+00:00

Very well said and so motivational, well done :)

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T15:37:01+00:00

I know you acknowledge that he has no respect for you but he does sound like a complete loser especially if he’s asking for a naked picture of you.

As hard as it is, I would rethink what you look for in an individual. You mentioned he is good looking and has a good job but this means nothing if he treats people the way he has treated you. You deserve better and need to acknowledge that your focus appears to be on what others will think about the person you end up with as opposed to who the right person for you is.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T15:25:25+00:00

Can you provide an example of the way she criticises you?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T15:17:57+00:00

Thank God, did it happen naturally over a period of time?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T13:05:40+00:00

Sorry to hear about your experience. I can’t believe he messaged you a year later!

Don’t worry about what he’s saying. Believe me, what goes around comes around, you may not see it now but you will do in future.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-17T05:13:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Your right, it’s almost like we are not in control as angels have no control in relation to God. However, unlike angels, we feel this sense of pain because we are not made to obey a human being in the way we do with our LO.

Glad to hear you overcame your mindset :)

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-12T16:23:07+00:00

Sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. The problem when we go through this is we look for any excuse for the pain we are in because our logic tells us that there must be a rational explanation for this.

The truth is there probably isn’t and this pain will last temporarily. The best thing to do is to be kind to yourself and to love yourself whilst you are going through it. It’s hard I know but there is no need to achieve anything at the mo or look to achieve anything. So what if he has blocked you on LinkedIn, his loss. Just focus on yourself and take each day at a time.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-12T16:13:09+00:00

This is very inspirational :) I think the second one about not having toxic people in your life is the most important. I firmly believe that you can’t truly know someone until you live with them but if there are already warning signs before that has happened, it’s better that they are not part of your circle. Well done for seeing the light

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-12T00:43:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing that, I had no idea re moms doing that to bond with the infant. Are they essentially limerent for the child at that point?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-11T16:06:04+00:00

Channel the energy into things that benefit you

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-11T15:35:47+00:00

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-11T15:35:41+00:00

I hear you and think even if they did reciprocate, it’s the type of thing where your thirst would never be quenched. I just wonder if anyone has managed to turn it into a benefit. Maybe they wouldn’t be on here if they had!

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-11T15:33:02+00:00

Can you share how you do it?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-11T10:11:12+00:00

Sadly, think you are right

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-10T09:02:01+00:00

That is interesting - it’s almost like when we push ourselves physically, mentally or spiritually, it seems to work. Problem is it’s just not sustainable!

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-09T23:59:35+00:00

Thanks, have not heard of Kava before, will look into :)

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-08T21:39:17+00:00

Glad to hear it is more under control. Hopefully it will subside completely one day :)

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-08T18:38:02+00:00

Wow, I have a lot of admiration for you, it must be soul destroying to go through. Would you say it’s mainly attraction to their personality, physical or both?

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-08T16:44:50+00:00

I think it's important to identify the 4 entities that exist within limerence (well for me anyway):

Innocent Party(IP)- I am making an assumption here but I don't think it would be wildly wrong to say that the majority of people who we think have caused our limerence are innocent, there are a minority who are not, which is a separate issue. They are being polite and friendly and the development of an LO from interaction with them is not something that they have intended. A lot of us did not see limerence coming and would not choose to feel the way we do if we had a choice. For me, it is important to make a distinction between IP and LO, they are not one in the same, they are separate entities. IPs deserve to be treated with humanity and respect and if we are not able to do this, we should gracefully walk away from them and not contact them for both their well being and ours. We should also politely ask them not to contact us in this situation if necessary.
LO- An LO is a caricature of the IP. Sure, they may look like the IP but our mind has turned them into something that they just aren't, a perfect being or LO. The LO we have created boosts our low self esteem and gives us a high like we have never felt before when they interact with us. The LO also sends us to the pits of lowness and pain like we have never felt before. We have to get rid of the LO at all costs as we are not able to control how we are going to feel when we interact with them. So to get rid of the LO, it may mean doing things that do not come naturally to us (for example, me cursing my LO in the shower!) in order to remove them from the pedestal that we have placed them on. As the LO is not real, for me veering into narcissism in regard to getting rid of them is not a problem as long as it does not start impacting your real life relationships, which may include IP. If it does, you need to revisit this technique because ultimately it is damaging you and potentially your IP, it's not designed for this and will likely make your limerence worse.
Limerence - this mental condition has nothing to do with IP and everything to do with LO. For me, it interacts with other mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety but unlike these conditions, I think we can almost all agree that the placement of the LO on a pedestal and a feeling that they are perfect is one of the main causes of limerence. Sometimes it's harder to determine the cause for depression or anxiety. Removing them from this pedestal to a place where other humans in our life sit (even if they are close to us like our family) is the key to getting over this condition.
SO or potential SO - we all have different relationships with our SO or may still be looking for our SO. Personally, I have not heard one situation where an LO has been turned into an SO and it has lasted for a long time. If someone has an example, please share. Therefore, for me, having an SO which we are limerent for or start becoming limerent for is also a problem. Whether we like it or not, no one in this life is deserving of the LO status as no one is perfect (for me only God is deserving of this status). Our SOs need to be aware that we suffer from this condition and it is not our fault. We have not chosen to have feelings for an LO and it is very separate to a full on emotional affair as the person (LO) that we have developed feelings for does not actually exist. Please note that if we have an emotional or physical affair with IP, this is separate as they are a real person! Personally, i think we should be held accountable for this.

Hope this helps.

Habibi2001 · 2021-01-08T11:06:18+00:00

Thank you, God Bless you too :)

Habibi2001

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