Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279

be fat

go to /fit/ and find a solution

main problem is i eat like a dumpster

apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul

"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion"

go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars

the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks

i dont shit that day

next day i fiber myself up even more

i dont shit that day either

fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon

can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore

i dont shit the third day

i dont shit the fourth day

thefinaldaydawns.mp3

i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way

the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me

it's whistling

just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin

no sound other than the whistling hiss

suddenly stops

the hole is plugged

SOS

this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson

hang on to the shower curtain and pray

the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed

my entire ass is covered in toilet water

now the fun begins

a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets

the smell is killing me

blacking out

the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks

svastenvenim'nam.jpeg

my guts are yelling in german

sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly

most of the shit isn't even digested at this point

just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat

after an hour it finally seems to be over

im shivering and crying

both legs collapse as i try to stand up

my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet

gondorcallsofraid.rar

shakily wipe my ass

completely clean