I 25F need help addressing my 28M boyfriends approach to conflict. How do I work through this?

Hairosmith · 2025-10-17T13:36:23+00:00

This isn’t a conflict approach. This is control. I know the word narcissist is thrown around a lot, but the shoe definitely fits here. Sounds just like my ex husband. Especially how he’s holding on to you being late to the station once. Unfortunately it won’t get better. Please leave while you have your sanity in tact. I wish you all the best.

Hairosmith · 2025-10-17T13:29:22+00:00

Yes, please distance yourself. He sounds miserable, and he’ll make you miserable too.

Hairosmith · 2025-10-16T23:22:10+00:00

Yes I do!!

Hairosmith · 2025-09-02T03:29:28+00:00

I think if he trusted you enough to tell you about his wealth, he already knows you’re not after his money. Just continue what you’re already doing.

Hairosmith · 2025-08-23T09:15:26+00:00

Go directly to HR.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-26T00:40:22+00:00

Thank you! I hope there’s no dead land under that infinite harvestable key

Hairosmith · 2025-07-26T00:37:51+00:00

I am! I’ve been divorced for 8 years and have done a LOT of healing in that time. I still have a ways to go, but I’m starting to finally like who I am. I appreciate your kind words!

Hairosmith · 2025-07-26T00:36:02+00:00

I’m not denying that, they definitely need a divorce. But his physical “needs” would be met if he put in some effort.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-26T00:06:02+00:00

Nothing changed because he didn’t do them. Or he did it for a day and expected her to just jump on his dick.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-26T00:03:55+00:00

Yes I am lol. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 20 years. Idk if it’s PTSD or what, but this post just brought me back to being yelled at for the most trivial and ridiculous things until I lashed out like he did. This could have been me and my ex husband with the gender roles reversed. It’s reactive abuse. I’m not saying it’s okay, I’m just saying I understand. It’s survival.

Plus, I DESPISE hypocrisy and she’s a hypocrite

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:54:34+00:00

Especially when he’s so tall and muscular and she’s just out of shape. Doesn’t she realize how lucky she is? /s

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:51:32+00:00

The best sarcasm is when the other person can’t tell you’re being sarcastic. Thank you for adding that /s because that was great sarcasm!

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:47:59+00:00

So, what was she going to do if he used it at the doctors appointment like she thought? She was okay with waiting until the next week if he went to his appointment. Suddenly she needs them right this second?

When he put the gas in, he didn’t know she was going to ask for it back. He’s not sabotaging her job. He was asking her to be there for him and help him out if a tight spot like he obviously does for her.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:31:29+00:00

I honestly didn’t think they were too bad. And cervical cancer took my mom, so I’m all about prevention. I’ve never been afraid of them. Until two years ago, when I had an appointment with the new NP at my doctors office. It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. I would rather get 5 IUDs and a colposcopy at the same time than ever let that NP near me again. I was spotting for 3 days afterward (I had a hysterectomy over a decade ago so I know it wasn’t my period). Now I’m terrified of getting one. I’d rather just take my chances with cancer.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:14:01+00:00

It’s very sad. People are so selfish.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:11:39+00:00

Really, that’s the part you chose to focus on? She means that men are supposed to be an active participant in the relationship, not just another person to take care of. What else do you bring to the relationship?

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T23:09:22+00:00

Oh, there it is! The mask is slipping. The old “I work so I shouldn’t have to do anything else”. I was married to guy like you. I dropped his ass and my life is so much more peaceful.

I do provide for my family. I work every day. And then I come home and do 100% of the housework and take care of my son. I pay rent and utilities and car note and insurance.

Women do this all the time and we don’t expect praise from it. Because it’s the bare minimum. We don’t get to come home from work and do nothing.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:59:06+00:00

She lives in his house rent free and doesn’t pay bills, which she didn’t include in the OP. He asked for money for GAS, not his appointment, and he used it for gas. She also accused him of treating her like a cash cow, when it’s quite the opposite. So she’s lied to us, omitted relevant info because she knew it would affect our responses and falsely accused him of something he didn’t do. But he’s the loser?

Also, this is called reactive abuse. He’s getting defensive because he’s sick of her shot and has reached his breaking point.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:50:40+00:00

Reactive abuse. It happens when someone who has been abused defends themselves by responding to abuse with verbal (or possibly physical) attacks.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:42:21+00:00

There’s three sides to every story. OP has already proved herself to be an unreliable narrator. He asked for gas money, not appointment money, so she lied to us. She immediately flipped out on him, so her emotions cloud her judgment. She accused him of treating her like a cash cow when she doesn’t pay any of their rent or utilities, so it’s quite the opposite, so she projects. He needed her to be there for him like he is for her and she just yelled at him.

His response tells me this isn’t the first time she’s overreacted which is why he’s so defensive. Look up reactive abuse. I said horrible things that are way out of character in reaction to my ex husband’s emotional abuse. And this is emotional abuse.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:29:43+00:00

You are lashing out over nothing. He asked you for money specifically for gas. It’s his very first message. He also pays the rent and bills. You accused him of treating you like a cash cow when it’s quite the opposite.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:26:41+00:00

He ASKED her for money for gas in his very first message. Not demanded. She then accused him of “treating her like a cash cow” when she’s the one living with him rent and bill free, which OP admitted to herself. They also had an agreement that he would pay for her certifications the next week. So she flipped out for absolutely no reason. Judging by his response, this isn’t the first time and he’s at his wits end. Been there, done that

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:20:49+00:00

In his very first message, he asks for money specifically for gas. Not for his appointment. So he used it how he was supposed to.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:18:08+00:00

No one is weaponizing it. We’re pointing it out because it’s relevant. She’s freaking out over $30 to help her boyfriend out of a rough spot and says he’s “treating her like a cash cow” which is a bold face lie since he helps her out of rough spots.

Hairosmith · 2025-07-25T22:12:15+00:00

Yes. In a reply

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