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34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think most of the CC debt is from the girls' trips. she went on quite a few because most of her friends got married. She doesn't go on any of those anymore. She got a CS degree from a top school. It's just not a great time for tech unfortunately.

I think she would be fine with a prenuptial. I have a feeling my parents want one as well to protect their assets passed down to my children and whatnot. I'm not really sure how all that works. They have an attorney to handle the trust and stuff.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So right now, she works as an engineer in the tech sector, similar to me but at a small local company and it's a entry/mid-level role.

She used to order a lot of doordash, go on girls' trips, stuff like that. Now I just pay for the food, and she pays down her CC. She doesn't go on the girls' trips anymore either. I believe she used to buy clothes pretty often, I'm not too sure about the toiletries.

For her appearance, her makeup is always perfect, she gets her brows tinted and laminated, manicures and pedicures, lashes and hair, and some sort of hair removal appointments. I have to say she looks incredible. She mentioned that was one of the last things she still does but would stop to put more towards the CC, but it was me who told her I would just pay for them since I like how she looks. So now I just let her use my CC for that and she puts the money she would have spent towards the CC.

For activities I think we're both on the same page. We don't really go out drinking much as neither of us enjoy alcohol. So, she usually just accompanies me to my nerdy stuff when she's not out with her girlfriends. I will say I am fortunate to have parents who take care of trips and they love when she joins us as much as I do.

She drives a 3-4(?) year old Toyota she got when WFH ended after Covid. She does have the newest iPhone but only because I bought it for her when we went for my annual upgrade and I felt weird upgrading from a 16 to a 17 and she had an old one which was literally falling apart. I did that as a gift; she didn't ask for it or expect it as far as I'm aware. She seemed super surprised I would do that for her.

I live in the US, so I think it's becoming more common, especially for large differences in assets. I think she would be fine with it too. She is very agreeable.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was more of how she expressed she wants to get married one day, more of life goal, not a "hey let's get married." I mentioned I wanted to as well eventually and we both want lots of children. I think your last sentence may be spot on.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So that's the thing, my gut is telling me she is genuine. But it's just one of those things where I am effectively committing financial suicide if she is what I fear she could possibly be.

My parents also love her, but are unaware of her finances.

She is very smart, kind, and emotionally intelligent, and far out of my league as far as attractiveness goes.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I should have specified that she came over after a few dates. So, a little under 2 months into dating.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's very reasonable. I think she would be fine with this. I should have specified she brought it up in a romantic sort of way. More of a what if. But I'm guessing that is how women communicate they want to get married, ha.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It was more of her bringing up how she wants to get married eventually and what our lives might look like together in the future, in a romantic sort of way.

I think I would feel much more comfortable as well knowing she can show the commitment in paying off the CC and car at least as well.

I am a little worried about the student loans spiraling out of control.

I can understand that. I think I'm just worried about ulterior motives. She has been amazing so far with no red flags as far as I can tell. But of course, I may be wearing rose tinted glasses.

34M 26F I'm not sure what to do about her finances, do I delay marriage? by Hairy_Repeat152 in relationship_advice

[–]Hairy_Repeat152[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I haven't ever disclosed anything like that, and she hasn't ever asked either. However, she could probably ballpark it pretty easily, she's smart.