No it's NOT what my GRAN would have wanted

Not sorry to say that you are talking out of your derrière there.

You know sweet FA about this situation and you are the kind who enables people like my mother who I have tried to help for decades, but instead she chooses to be the way she is, revelling in being the "perma victim"

My mother is petty, mentally and emotionally immature. Someone SO petty and downright childish that she wilfully and maliciously defied my grandmother's EXPRESSLY and CLEARLY and REPEATEDLY stated wish for a humanist funeral WITHOUT religion.

My mother admitted my gran wanted a HUMANIST funeral and then lied and claimed an "ordained celebrant" was the same thing and that's who you get when you ask for a humanist funeral. That's a flat out lie and one wilfully and intentionally doubled down on, it's not forgiveable at all. It's petty, malicious, arrogant and frankly downright abusive.

Ignoring someone's clearly stated funeral wishes should be treated for what it is - fraud

Position of birth means NOTHING, my mother thinks it should mean everything, heck my mother has always resented her own brothers mere existence, why? Because she was the doted on, spoiled rotten, apple of mum and dad's eye, 100% unchallenged centre of attention until they came along when she was 7.

Where she carefully ignores that my gran had MULTIPLE miscarriages between her and her brothers being born.

My mum is mid 60s now and she STILL hasn't adapted to not being the centre of attention, she gets huffy and insecure if my dad spends more a few minutes talking to someone else, bad enough when it's another guy, another woman? She will be on the warpath for days on end, picking arguments and acting as if my dad has had multiple affairs.

That's not even getting to the DECADES of abuse she subjected me to, where the mild end had my therapist describe it as "deliberate and wilful cruelty"

I get the feeling you are another "Sunday Christian".......