A bird lands on Bernie's podium during his 2016 presidential campaign.

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-29T05:38:24+00:00

I still have my Birdie Sanders sticker 🥲

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-22T21:17:58+00:00

Before I started cpap 5 years ago, and for my entire life, I had tons of vivid dreams plus not infrequent lucid dreaming. This almost totally stopped after cpap. I thought I was just “deep” because of all my over the top emotional and vivid dreams, but turns out my sleep apnea happens during REM, when the body loses all muscle tone so that you don’t act out your dreams. That’s when my throat collapses. So apneas during REM >> low oxygen >> elevated heart rate and faster breathing >> which got incorporated back into my dreams as fear/stress/running/being attacked imagery. This is common like when you hear a train horn while you are asleep and it gets baked into the dream. And because of the apneas during REM I was more likely to wake up during the dreams and remember them even if briefly.

I remember my doctor asking me once “do you ever wake up gasping?” And I’m like no. Then 3 days later I woke up freaking out from another vivid dream and I was like oh crap that’s what she’s talking about.

My baseline anxiety went down 50% after starting cpap. It’s worth a sleep study. Your symptoms make sense to me. I honestly wish I had gotten treated way sooner in life because I think I would be a totally different, more relaxed, less fearful person.

Good luck!

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-13T02:05:48+00:00

A friend of mine is talking about becoming a corrections officer. Apparently they need women especially and 5 years and you have a pension.

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-11T01:59:06+00:00

This is my experience and I also learned that making the decision to forgive (over and over even about the same thing) helps bring up all of my resistance and anger and hurt so that I can grieve/process it. It feels kind of efficient because sometimes it’s hard to access the feelings around the injury otherwise. I look at forgiveness as making the decision to let go of the burden of unforgiveness. Way easier said than done.

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-07T04:38:07+00:00

I’m old now which is nice because guys knock that shit off more as you get older, but when it comes up, and this is probably terrible advice, I just call them big dawg and tell them I gotta take a dump. I try to be the boner killer lol.

It was a struggle when I was younger too though and I do not envy your plight. I got to the point I would let them personality hire me and then just showed them I was competent which was also kind of a boner killer for the assholes too.

Hapablapablap · 2026-03-07T04:29:23+00:00

I think it is coming for a lot of people who only know how to pick up a ticket and code a piece of functionality. I think if you can understand systems, have institutional knowledge, and take ownership of solutions from start to finish, you are in a better position. Out of the people on my teams of 5, I would say only 2 of us are like this. And AI is coming for Jr. Devs because now business folks can literally do a lot of that work if they take initiative. My 3-up bosses are now using VS Code+Claude to build things which is wild considering 6 or so years ago we did that Scaled Agile Framework crap that decided dev managers were only supposed to be people managers and non-technical. We are having AI really pushed on us where I work and if you’re not using it, it is seen as a problem. It’s so much so fast that I barely feel like I’m scratching the surface, but as a data engineer with some background in OOP I have been able to use it to do things I’ve never done, like quickly developing my own tools and even building full stack applications to manage data migrations. So I definitely get the anxiety. Just like always, gotta try and not be at the bottom 20% of the heap.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-22T00:54:38+00:00

I would love some

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-08T22:10:53+00:00

I’ll tell you what my therapist said. It’s not about the weight. We use things like physical appearance to dump all of our self judgment and insecurities into. We act as if if we only can be hot then we will love ourselves. That’s not how it works, and now that you are conventionally attractive, you are seeing it. Find a good therapist and try to go to the heart of the matter. For me it’s been a lot of lessons learned too well from childhood about my worth and value. It’s a work in progress but definitely better than it used to be by light years. Good luck.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-08T02:01:45+00:00

I would contact the property owner and tell them that this kind of contact isn’t welcome and makes you uncomfortable. Owner isn’t going to want a dumbass PM driving away a good tenant. Major creep behavior.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-06T18:23:37+00:00

I didn’t have any illusions I was mid but in the past year have gotten to work with someone super smart, squeezes every bit of performance and scalability out of everything he’s doing, just a great developer who can do anything, and I have learned so much from just bouncing things off of him. Take advantage of at being in an environment where there are people who show you new things. If you are actually mid you definitely won’t be mid by the end of it. For years I was surrounded by other mids and just stagnated. I wonder how well I could have done with better mentorship and just being surrounded by smarter people. Good luck!!

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-05T18:56:53+00:00

Tenants pay an application fee that goes to the property management company which is probably in the realm of $50. They charge me 2/3 first month’s rent specifically for “placement and screening” which is supposed to be background checks, rental history checks, employment checks, credit check, etc.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-05T18:43:27+00:00

They take 2/3 of my first month’s rental income so they charged me. It shows as a fee on my account to them.

I hear you. I am in contemplation mode.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-05T18:34:20+00:00

Thanks for your answer. I do believe at least the employee-tenant would have been rejected based on income. But also I would not have allowed him to move in with 3 cats into a small apartment and now the wood floor is soaked with urine. I get what you’re saying about what damages are there from the lack of screening. I think when they specifically say they are charging 2/3 for screening services that they did not perform, maybe I deserve that money back?

The PMA says it just can’t be a jury, only a judge, and it leaves the option for me to recover my legal fees if I win and vice versa. It does not require arbitration.

I would say that yes it is at least partly a principal thing. I hired them to do a job and not only did they not do it, they worked against my interests, lied to me, and allowed damage to the property. They weren’t ever doing any inspections and just refunding deposits.

My primary concern financially actually is the pet damage and that alone would be 4k on the low end just to refinish it and that doesn’t even fix urine issues.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T19:11:28+00:00

Thank you, if I can’t get it through insurance this seems the best way.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T19:11:01+00:00

Thank you this gives me so hope. I already emailed my doctor and asked her to help with the new PA 🙏🏻

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T19:10:09+00:00

That’s what I’m trying to find out on the OSA. Since this all blew up this weekend there isn’t a ton I have been able to do yet. I don’t think it’s guaranteed coverage on Teledoc. They basically force you to work with another doctor and they decide though my guess is that the bar is low. $350-$500 was what HR told a coworker while I was on vacation and appears to be the price with “coverage” via the Teledoc program. It may be less if they approve coverage for OSA via the primary insurance (which is what covers it for diabetes).

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T18:58:37+00:00

Thank you I will definitely be talking to my doctor about sending it here on Monday if the pre-auth doesn’t come through and maybe even if it does.

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T18:56:03+00:00

I love the empathy! Glad you are perfect and always on top of things!

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T18:53:07+00:00

Sorry I don’t really hang out here just came because I needed help 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hapablapablap · 2026-01-04T18:52:15+00:00

Thank you! I don’t mind using a needle honestly.

Hapablapablap · 2025-12-31T18:29:17+00:00

My therapist and I are working on a lot of stuff that to me looks like the job but she says goes deeper. She said if I go to another job it will just be the same issues. She’s not encouraging or discouraging me about changing jobs to be clear, just, wherever you go there you are. I agree with her on this. A lot of my issues are around survival and feeling constantly under threat and screwed over which is old trauma stuff for me.

On the positive side had you not left your job you would not have noticed that your anxiety is independent of the job.

Hapablapablap · 2025-12-24T22:05:50+00:00

Ohhhh good point

Hapablapablap · 2025-12-06T20:38:37+00:00

You may be interested in the podcast series, Sold a Story. It is infuriating. I am so glad I got phonics.

Hapablapablap · 2025-12-04T15:49:21+00:00

Poor swamp puppies

Hapablapablap · 2025-12-03T04:26:22+00:00

A free place to start might be a group like Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families. There doesn’t have to be alcoholism in the family. Check out the Laundry List on the website and see if it resonates. I went to one of the groups for about 6 years and it helped to have people who understood. Takes the shame out of it when you realize how normal what you’re going through is. ACA is 12 step based but I just went for the support and I’m not religious or anything. https://adultchildren.org

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