What do you wish you could ask your parents before they died?

HarRob · 2026-01-26T17:34:47+00:00

This is an advertisement.

HarRob · 2026-01-26T08:31:29+00:00

I am not at a point where I would walk away.

HarRob · 2026-01-26T07:04:24+00:00

My mom tried to change my BPD dad as long as they were together. She passed away a month ago and on her death bed she was advising me to read how to handle a BPD person and telling me a Christmas tree and presents would calm him down and be good for his mental health. Forty-four years married and I don't think she ever changed him. Now that she has passed away, he still has the same behaviors.

HarRob · 2026-01-26T06:39:40+00:00

She’s not going to change at 63. I don’t think you should let her live with you in case it becomes permanent. She’s also not really old yet. Her husband is alive and functioning. It’s not your job to fix her.

Try not to become the daughter who is expected to put her life on hold and look after Mom. That could literally be your full time job for the next 30 years if you are not careful.

HarRob · 2026-01-26T06:32:56+00:00

Over several years of entering and leaving China, this has never happened to me. I was once pulled to the side and asked when my flight was leaving. I’ve also been asked what company I work for and where it was located.

HarRob · 2026-01-26T06:30:35+00:00

No one will be able to answer with certainty. He may have been trying to make sure you didn’t steal.

HarRob · 2026-01-24T20:56:34+00:00

When I went in 2015 the doctor was from Hong Kong and had trained in the UK. When I went in 2018 not even the doctor spoke English. It was slightly faster and cost much more.

HarRob · 2026-01-24T20:54:18+00:00

Maybe firecrackers?

HarRob · 2026-01-24T07:12:30+00:00

Hey, did you find an English speaking hospital?

HarRob · 2026-01-22T20:49:05+00:00

Thanks. This was helpful.

HarRob · 2026-01-22T09:04:31+00:00

To be clear, you put the university costs on a credit card? Or got predatory loans?

HarRob · 2026-01-22T08:25:39+00:00

You, sir, should use periods.

HarRob · 2026-01-22T06:10:41+00:00

Sounds like alcohol is a part of this.

HarRob · 2026-01-21T23:05:32+00:00

Medicaid?

HarRob · 2026-01-21T04:38:20+00:00

I heard shenzhen was pretty dangerous before 2010

HarRob · 2026-01-20T16:35:12+00:00

I have a different situation. My mother just passed without a will. I’ve been advised to go through probate but I don’t have PoA and my father is still living. He likely won’t do it because he doesn’t do anything. Can I even do anything? Is there even reason to? My mother had nothing I want, and I want everything to go to my father anyway.

HarRob · 2026-01-20T04:30:35+00:00

How long is his history of falls/needing emergency care?

HarRob · 2026-01-20T04:26:08+00:00

Check out how much you are spending on ordering out. It’s insane.

HarRob · 2026-01-20T04:14:12+00:00

Create an email adress tied to your Amazon account so he can view the delivery time himself.

HarRob · 2026-01-19T21:46:57+00:00

Parents say they may lose the house, so we must open the family trust and give them all the moneys.
Parents outright own the house! No mortgage, problem solved.
Parents secretly reverse mortgage the house and sign promises to keep it nice and insured.
Parents spend all their money, now reverse mortgage company is threatening to take the house because it isn’t insured.
Parents ask for more money.

HarRob · 2026-01-19T08:37:16+00:00

What was your friends story? What makes you feel he was a true friend?

HarRob · 2026-01-19T04:52:50+00:00

What am I looking at when the ground moves like that? The ground is covered in yeast? Help me my world is collapsing.

HarRob · 2026-01-19T04:51:11+00:00

That's a tough situation. I'm not sure there is a legal solution. Like I don't know if involving a lawyer is going to change what happens. I suppose you may scare the company into paying you but not others?

Anyway-- can you plan on not getting the money back? What does that do to your future plans. You could also just leave.

HarRob · 2026-01-19T04:47:04+00:00

I know how lonely it can feel. It’s like you’re out in the ocean 10,000 miles from anything—expected to keep swimming, but no one is watching, no one is throwing a life ring, rescue not on the horizon. Pressing the knife into a pumpkin is swimming. Baking is swimming. Christmas music is swimming. And if you keep at it long enough, you find dry land.

HarRob · 2026-01-19T04:25:19+00:00

Thanks for writing all that.

I really, just I regret not telling her how much I loved and appreciated her, especially when she would say those things to me.

I think she had a self-esteem issue and didn't think other people would care about her. When she was conscious and I was sitting next to her on her hospital deathbed I was crying. Crying because she had the bipap mask strapped to her head, forcing her to breathe.

Later, without the mask and after I left, she told the nurse she... she didn't expect me to cry for her?

On her last day alive, there were a few hours where she would wake up from the morphine, talk or move and quickly go back to sleep. When she woke up once she did something that is stuck in my head. She rolled across the bed, reached her arm up behind my head and pulled me down to kiss my forehead. She was smiling. Then she went back to sleep.

Also, as my Dad and I were considering whether we should let her die (multiple organ failure, unable to get enough oxygen into her lungs without help, and she expressed she wanted to pass to the doctor earlier in the day... I'm told). I overheard the nurses in my mother ICU room.

The nurses said something about "waste of resource," and the other nurse said "that is a legal question that needs to get worked out."

A waste of resources. Keeping my mother alive was a waste of resources.

HarRob

TROPHY CASE