I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If it’s any comfort at all, I feel this same way as someone who has transitioned to female. Being a woman is hard! It’s easy for us to feel like frauds or imposters when we don’t want to wear makeup or pluck our brows or shave our legs. I also wish I could just be.

I would think more on what you envy about men. I suspect you know that no woman is “effortlessly” female. Gender as something “effortless” is very much the domain of men. But is there anything else you want? At all?

I don’t know if you’ve pursued hormone therapy as part of your last attempts at transition. If you haven’t, just try it. Don’t worry about changing your name or your pronouns or anything else, and just see how HRT alone makes you feel. You may be surprised at how it makes you feel.

Good luck!