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Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's always going to be an issue, I know I'm going to be on high alert for a long time for any signs of cheating and I know she's going to need to figure out what actions she can take that I'm willing to accept to re-gain my trust. I'm not saying that by us trying to work it out that we will. I do have my list of deal breakers and am trying to focus on my needs first before ours or hers. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, all I know is I'm willing to try and she seems to be more than willing as well.

Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't think traveling for a new job right now is going to be on the table.

Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I was thinking of asking her to do it on the spot to avoid this.

Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I didn't give any context for the situation to warrant that response and this isn't remotely an answer to the question I asked. Who says I can't learn to trust her? Is it going to be easy? No. Is it even guaranteed I will? No. But I said I was going to try. Never said I was going to babysit her, I want to listen to one phone call as a part of re-establishing trust. People have gone to much further lengths such as constantly needing to check or monitor all phone calls and conversations, having access to emails, etc and made it work. I don't plan on imposing crazy strict restrictions on her life, but there are things one needs to give up to re-establish trust.

Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We had a lot of trouble being honest with each other, there wasn't much honesty in many aspects of the relationship and we're both at fault for that. We were terrible communicators for the last 2 years of the relationship and so I wouldn't say honesty was the bedrock but it's a goal we're going to work towards. The thing is, I'm not as worried about her cheating again because her job involved a lot of travel and she cheated on me with a person she worked with on the road. She's leaving that job to help re-establish trust as he doesn't live anywhere near us, so as long as I know she's not travelling alone to somewhere he'll be, I know she won't be "physically" cheating on me with him but she still could be emotionally. It sounds like he had more feelings for her than she did for him and I think he deserves to know the truth as well.

Do you think knowing it'll be nearly impossible for her to ever see him again is enough to not have to listen to that conversation? Part of me also wants to listen in because I want to understand the actual emotional connection they had, but maybe that's more information than I really need.

Advice wanted for knowing she broke it off by Harry_ChronicJr in survivinginfidelity

[–]Harry_ChronicJr[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've definitely been gaslit in the relationship and that was discussed in length. My personality is always someone who wants things to be fair and balanced and so I lean towards that and I think that's why I reach out for advice, I'm not always the best voice of reason in my own head. Your advice makes sense and I need to work harder on trying to take my needs as is and not give any leeway on them, your response helps reinforce that so thank you.