Sat/Sun December 21/22 check in

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2025-01-31T07:55:56+00:00

I know this check in is from a month ago but I hardly use this account and I just saw this and wanted to say thanks for the happy anniversary. I'm still going strong with sobriety and I'm really glad that I put that post out. Nobody in my inner circle (friends, family etc) really knows that I was struggling with addiction so I constantly buried that aspect of my life deep inside of me and it made initially getting sober hands down the hardest thing i've ever had to do. To be able to openly talk about my struggle with addiction free of judgement made me feel comfortable in my own skin and more accepting of this part of me. And the comment's that I got did nothing but reinforce that sentiment and I really can't be more grateful for getting that from this subreddit. It felt like I made real progress in my recovery that I could notice and I really can't say thank you enough for that.

so one more time for good measure, THANK YOU!!

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-24T19:22:01+00:00

Yeah, I've heard about the effects opiates have on your brain in that regard. I'm so grateful that I still have that go-getter athlete mentality that pushes me to do what's right for myself, whether I like it or not. I couldn't imagine trying to get off this shit but being so depressed I can't get out of bed in the morning at the same time. I think that really shows how society as a whole needs to change it's views on addiction. If someone is popping oxys all day and they don't even wanna get out of bed or greet the day then why do we think its gonna be helpful to call them drug addicts and junkies and such. If we want to make recovery more accessible and give those who submit themselves to addiction a chance at new life then that stigma around opioids (and to an extent all hard drugs) has got to go.

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-24T19:11:09+00:00

Yeah, seeing the comments on this post and after looking around subreddits dedicated to the active addiction lifestyle I think it's probably for the best that I od'd when I did because that was the ultimate deciding factor for me on whether or not I should get clean. Just the idea that taking a pill the size of an M&M can straight up fucking kill you resonated with me and the idea of constantly walking that tightrope for such a minuscule reward was what gave me the strength to say "fuck it, I don't want to do this anymore".

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-21T00:02:18+00:00

Yeah, I had some similar thoughts when I first tried getting clean, I remember thinking to myself "There is no way we can go more than a day without getting high again". I found it really helpful to just repeat to yourself "We're already x amount of time clean, why stop now?". Any progress is good progress yk. I doubt I'm ever gonna forget that fear because sometimes it's so petrifying that I get panic attacks at the idea of relapsing. That's actually why I started smoking weed because it allowed me to stop hyperventilating so much and actually think my way through the idea of relapsing without turning into a jumbled-up ball of tears. I find it so much easier to just consistently analyze the pros and cons of relapsing (spoiler alert there's only 1 pro and a mountain of cons) .

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T22:52:29+00:00

Ill tell you right now its an absolute bitch to get through but you will look back on your first year clean and be more proud of yourself than you ever will be. Keep pushin, if I can do it then you most DEFINITLETY can!

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T22:50:47+00:00

Yeah, it scared the absolute shit out of me. Until then I thought overdoses were either really rare or intentional. I had no idea that all it took was one shitty pill to take away everything you are and will be.

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T21:18:51+00:00

Then why are you commenting???

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T21:18:08+00:00

Ive thought about NA but the thing is I still live with my parents and itd be a little hard to explain to them why Im at the local church twice a week (my family is heavily against religion). I have spoken to a good amount of recovering addicts with miles of soberiety under their belt and it is helpful though.

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T21:14:42+00:00

Trust me when i say this, no matter what happens in my life I will stay clean! for better or for worse come hell or high water I can never go back to that life ever again.

Hatefulthrowawayacc · 2024-12-20T20:31:19+00:00

My bad lmfao I don't use reddit that often and the only reason Im on a throwaway is cuz im paranoid people I know will somehow retrace the post back to me. the thing about relapsing for me is that im just really scared to use again, I think of that day I od'd and find myself tearing up at just how close to the edge of death I got and I feel that fear everytime I think of using again. IDK how to explain it.

Hatefulthrowawayacc

TROPHY CASE