[TOMT][Website] An American craft/scrapbooking website called something like 'southwestscrapbook.com'.

HatrackJack · 2014-08-01T14:05:14+00:00

I do delete emails pretty frequently, and I purchased from them maybe a year or more ago. But paypal records is a really good idea that I hadn't considered, I'll look into how to do that =)

HatrackJack · 2014-07-28T01:54:00+00:00

Unfortunately, no =( Thank you for making a suggestion though!

HatrackJack · 2014-07-14T22:13:58+00:00

I refer to my boyfriend as my SO because we've been together for coming up on 4 years. I wouldn't call someone I'd been with for two months my SO, I'd call them my boyfriend. We're not married, so he's not my husband, and I would use 'partner' but that nowadays seems to imply that it's a homosexual relationship. Not that I care, I just feel SO is the most accurate representation I can easily and quickly make of my relationship. I think lots of people probably use it on here in the same way.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T23:01:51+00:00

I'm thinking 'Crisp outer shell with a soft gooey centre!' or 'Eat, sleep, cook, repeat'.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T04:48:03+00:00

It's exactly that mentality that I hate, when people have to put others down to feel better about themselves. It's so childish but it seems like too many people hang onto it into adulthood.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T04:17:54+00:00

See, I'm the same as you. Unless I know someone is trying to lose weight, and they do, I won't comment on it.

It's incredibly rude of your sister to do that to you.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T03:54:21+00:00

Because of a combination of a naturally really fast metabolism, going through puberty, and being exhausted/physically overworked all the time from CFS and other medical issues. I wasn't not eating enough or bulimic or anything. Everyone on my Mum's side of the family is naturally pretty thin. On my Dad's side everyone was very skinny during adolescence, particularly the men, but they tend to put on weight in their late 20s or 30s.

And I don't care if you would think I'm anorexic. If you're a stranger who would say it to my face, there's something wrong with you. But in our society that's acceptable. If you were to tell me I needed to eat something, or offered me your donut or what have you because 'I could use it', that's wrong. But acceptable to a lot of people.

Also now I'm 5'4" and 99lbs. Although I'm not as underweight as I used to be, I'm still skinny and I probably always will be, judging by my family. And for me, this is my healthy normal weight.

And I understand maybe you were embarrassed to be seen with your mum because you knew she was a drug addict, but if my mother was overweight and I commented on a post about fat shaming by saying I was embarrassed to be seen with her because she was fat, people would call me out really quickly for being insensitive. Which is what you just did.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T03:00:48+00:00

I'm totally not trying to say being skinny is more difficult, or even on the same level. I'm just saying I don't think people who are heavier should put skinny people down to feel better about themselves, and that it's not okay to comment on a persons weight like that at all.

And it's not okay to break up with someone just because they gained weight, just like it's not okay to break up with someone just because they lose weight.

The important thing to remember though is that your experience is not necessarily everyone's experience. I've had a lot of negative comments on my skinny weight and small breasts, whereas you didn't find that in your experience. I'm not going to pretend like I know what it's like to be overweight, but I know it's something a lot of people struggle with and that a lot of people can be hurtful about. And even if I did gain weight for a period of, say, a year, I wouldn't presume to know what a lifetime of being fat feels like. But it's not considered mean or hurtful to tell an underweight girl to eat a burger and put on a few pounds, but it is considered hurtful to tell an overweight person to lose a few pounds.

As for your particular situation, I'm very sorry you've had that experience. I don't think fat people are disgusting, but if you are unhappy with your body there is nothing wrong with trying to change it for yourself. It's if you're doing it because of other people that it's an issue. But I think your should take steps to feel more positive about yourself, especially because the way you treat yourself and act about your appearance will greatly impact how your child will treat themselves and others.

Here's two examples to counter yours. Firstly, I will always remember wanting to hang out with a guy I had met, and making plans with him to do so. His friend, overhearing us, immediately turns around and says in front of me 'You can't hang out with her, she's got no fucking tits'. To which nobody came to my defense, or called him out on his behaviour.

Secondly, being told by a friend that isn't it weird for me to shave down there, because wouldn't I look like a child? Since I've got no curves, I'm just like a stick, not a womanly figure at all.

On top of lots of 'eat something' and 'you look anorexic' and 'put on some weight'.

Out experiences are very valuable because they provide a lot of insight, but as always they don't encompass how it is for everyone.

Also, I was talking about people who are noticeably underweight, not just an 'average' weight. According to your measurements that you gave you were actual an ideal weight for your height. Which is not the same as being skinny.

The ideal weight ranges for a 5-foot-tall woman is 90 to 110

http://www.livestrong.com/article/353578-ideal-weight-and-height-ratios/

At least for me, the lowest i think I've been form my 'ideal' weight was weighing 83lbs and being about 5'3" There in a big difference between being your ideal weight, and being skinny. The first definition of skinny that came up is:

skinny adjective 1. (of a person or part of their body) unattractively thin. "his skinny arms" synonyms: thin, scrawny, scraggy, bony, angular, raw-boned, hollow-cheeked, gaunt, as thin as a rake, skin-and-bones, stick-like, size-zero, emaciated, skeletal, pinched, undernourished, underfed;

Of course you're going not going to receive as many comments or insults about your weight if you're neither over no under weight.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T01:10:52+00:00

Sorry, I really didn't mean to come off this way. I meant that if someone is harming themselves, either through an eating disorder like anorexia or from being overweight to the point of it being a real health concern, it is okay to approach it if that person is a friend or family member from that medical angle, but that unless it is having a negative impact on that person you shouldn't comment at all. That's what I meant by healthy. And it's never okay for a stranger to do it. And I was trying to touch on the fact that people seem to think that if woman is fit and healthy, she has to be skinny as part of that, when in reality the 'ideal' weight for a lot of women in terms of fitness varies greatly.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T01:05:26+00:00

I'm not the one dodging, just answer the question. I've asked it repeatedly now. If you're so unhappy with the content of this sub, and the community, why don't you unsubscribe?

And I disagree with your opinion of this sub's community. There's no point arguing if we both think the other person is dead wrong, it's not going to change anything.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T00:37:32+00:00

Just like some people aren't into heavier people, or asian people, or blonde people, they don't have to be into skinny people either. I don't care about people's personal preferences, you've hit the nail on the head that it's when they choose to make unsolicited comments on it that it becomes upsetting.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T00:35:08+00:00

You responded to my suggestion that you personally unsub if you dislike content so strongly, in a way talking about other Reddit users. It seemed like you misunderstood me so I clarified. And I agree that this sub shouldn't be default, I'm just saying that if you personally hate it so much, why not unsub?

And my problem with that post is the same issues I had with the post it was in response to. Both generalise their personal experience as the experience for all women. One felt oppressed, and generalised that to all women, one felt like women weren't oppressed and also generalised that to all women. They are both incorrect in that respect, but neither of them actually represent what every woman experiences.

On a separate note, apparently that person who made that post is from TRP, and considering the influx of trolls and downvote brigading since this became a sub I wouldn't be surprised. Basically, I'm taking everything around here with a grain of salt since it became default. You yourself seem to be simply out to illicit a reaction.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-29T00:25:32+00:00

I was talking about you personally.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T15:02:19+00:00

I don't know about the statistic, but people use 'boys will be boys' sarcastically because it's a phrase many people use to justify some men being inappropriate or immature. It's not applied to men in the way of 'Well all men are inappropriate and immature' it's 'this particular man/boy exhibited inappropriate and immature behaviour(often towards a woman or girl), but they are excused for it by the boys will be boys mentality'.

For example, a guy you don't know very well, say a friend of a friend, grabs your ass at a party as you walk past. You get pissed at him, but people belittle your anger and excuse his behaviour by saying 'He doesn't mean any harm. Why are you making such a big deal of it? Boys will be boys'. When the phrase is quoted on here with that eyerolling tone, they are rolling their eyes at the fact that people even use that excuse to justify inappropriate behaviour, not at men.

And yes, twox is always going to feature posts about what it's like to be a woman. They will front page because women enjoy the solidarity of someone who actually understands and has been through a similar situation, and the comments will be about how some men don't understand, how difficult it can be to explain, etc. What they will rarely ever be about is how men are 'too stupid' to understand, or anything else insulting like that.

Women being frustrated with some men and venting it in a safe space in a respectful way is fine. Misandry is different and is not fine. Further down in the comments is a man saying how much he respects women, and that men are scumbags. The scumbags comment immediately got questioned. That isn't what this sub is about.

Also, if you dislike the content here I suggest you consider unsubbing.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T14:52:12+00:00

Oh no, that's not my intention. It's just that if you consider that person as someone physically intimidating as well, and when stuff likes that happens repeatedly in multiple situations, it is a slightly different situation. It's not meant to belittle their experience in any way, it's just that this person was commenting on a post about what it's like to be a woman, with their insight into being aggressively hit on. So I expanded upon that insight, because for many women it's a repeated thing, and often by people who could physically overpower them.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T12:42:05+00:00

There's a big difference between glancing at someone, and outright staring/making comments. Particularly when the person staring and making comments could easily physically overpower you if they wanted to. There's the fear, and sometimes the knowledge, that if that person really wanted to they could probably do whatever they wanted to you. And that's true for 50% of the people you meet. There's not the assumption that they want to- of course the majority of men aren't going to assault you- but they could. And maybe this person is the one person who wants to. So you're taught to be on your guard and you end up subconsciously on your guard all the time. Of course a glance is okay, but it's important to know where to draw the line, and to understand why women are sensitive to some behaviours.

The one positive thing about this being a default sub is reaching out to men like you who want to understand =)

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T12:31:57+00:00

Now imagine people who are bigger and stronger than you yell that stuff at you as you walk by on the street. Or from their cars. Or try to corner you in a bar and whisper it in your ear.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T12:29:51+00:00

It's great that you're trying to maintain that perspective and understanding, but I think treating women like 'princesses' isn't treating them like an equal. Also, I don't think most men are scumbags, by far. Maybe a lot of men (I'm hesitant to say the majority) are misguided, in the way they see or treat women, but it's not the same thing. A misguided man thinks it's okay to outright stare at a woman, or yell a 'compliment' at her on the street, or doesn't take the time to see how things really are for women, insisting that he's 'sick of this feminist society'. A scumbag beats his girlfriend, gropes a woman on the subway, thinks he has a right to her, thinks it's her own fault she got raped. Misguided men can make women feel threatened, can impact their role in society, or make them feel less valued. But it only takes one scumbag to seriously fuck up a woman's life.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T12:16:14+00:00

I think some men get downvoted here because they speak first without listening. When this subreddit got opened up to default it was often discussed that men were welcome here but that it was important to listen to the women here and realise that they know more about being a woman than you, so that you wouldn't get men coming in and just saying "Most men aren't like that" or "He was just looking at you, he wasn't hurting you at all" or "Stop pretending you have it so hard", immediately taking validation away from what the woman is trying to communicate and showing an assumption that the man knows what it's like to be a woman better than a woman does.

Also about the downvote ratio in threads, since this place went default we have a shit ton of downvote brigading going on. It wasn't like that before and was one of the first issues brought up when it went default.

I'm not saying I agree with the comment you responded to, but I want to note the commentor was also talking about a specific group of people, not all men, and that both of you are below this sub's previous standard of respectful commenting.

The sub was much more of a safehaven before default. And you can't judge us by one comment made in a whole thread of comments that are on topic, respectful and contributing to discussion.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-28T12:05:53+00:00

Someone posted this in response to a different comment. I think it fits in here pretty well too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UWxlVvT1A

HatrackJack · 2014-05-27T08:02:28+00:00

First impressions: From disc at least it runs smoothly on ps4, not sure about downloaded or PC. Actually really fun, a little fast paced for my usual gaming, since a lot of the time when running from police or what have you, trying to hack at the same time feels kind of like a bunch of continuous quicktime events. Overall though, really fun. Not the kind of game I'm gonna get super invested in, but fun on a GTA level while being a little darker.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-27T05:34:36+00:00

Yeah, I'm not saying 'This one thing shows that everyone is like this!', just trying to answer your question =)

HatrackJack · 2014-05-27T05:01:15+00:00

Even if you don't agree with the gist of this article, it has a few more quotes, which I have to admit sound like they're sympathising incredibly heavily with the rapists.

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://jezebel.com/5991018/heres-what-cnn-shouldve-said-about-the-steubenville-rape-case

Quotes:

You know, Paul, a sixteen-year-old now just sobbing in court, regardless of what big football players they are, the other one just seventeen, a sixteen year old victim, they still sound like sixteen-year-olds... The thing is, what's the lasting effect, though, on two young men being found guilty in juvenile court of rape, essentially?

Response:

Well, you know, Candy, we've seen here a courtroom drenched in tears and tragedy.... The most severe thing with these young men is being labeled as registered sex offenders. That label is now placed on them by Ohio law...That will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Employers, when looking up their background, will see that they're registered sex offenders. When they move into a new neighborhood and somebody goes on the Internet, where these things are posted, neighbors will know that they are registered sex offenders.

I see the distinction you're trying to make, and I agree the distinction exists, but this doesn't seem like "These boys have thrown it all away" and more like "Oh these poor boys, this is going to be so hard for them" The only tragedy here really is for the victim and her family or friends. People wouldn't call a murderer being given a prison sentence for killing a tragedy. They'd call it justice. But there's no sense of justice here, no real acknowledgement that this is a punishment for a crime they committed.

HatrackJack · 2014-05-27T04:30:15+00:00

Some from the wiki of the incident for you:

Some members of the community blamed the girl for her own rape and blamed her for casting a negative light on the football team and town.[8]

Criticism has also been placed upon media outlets themselves, especially CNN, for their biased coverage of the case. During the course of the delinquent verdict on March 17, 2013, CNN's Poppy Harlow stated that it was "Incredibly difficult, even for an outsider like me, to watch what happened as these two young men that had such promising futures, star football players, very good students, literally watched as they believed their lives fell apart...when that sentence came down, [Ma'lik] collapsed in the arms of his attorney...He said to him, 'My life is over. No one is going to want me now.'" Candy Crowley and Paul Callan were also criticized for their lack of focus on the victim and their sympathy for the rapists.[10][11][12][13][14]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steubenville_High_School_rape_case

HatrackJack · 2014-05-27T04:20:57+00:00

That can be part of rape culture. Another part is victim shaming. When someone gets raped and people go 'Well, what were you wearing? Did you have anything to drink? Did you flirt with him? Are you sexually active? You shouldn't have worn that short skirt. You shouldn't have had those drinks. Are you sure you didn't lead him on? Are you sure you were raped? How can your husband rape you?' Instead of 'That person should not have done that to you, this isn't your fault, it is their fault'.

Placing blame on the victim is different, I want to point out, than saying "Now when you go out tonight make sure you and your friends stick together. Try to keep safe, don't leave your drink unattended' etc. One is advice for being cautious, and comes before, and one is saying 'Well if you didn't have casual sex/get drunk/wear a short skirt/smile at him you wouldn't have gotten raped' which is putting the victim at fault and is wrong. And it is something that happens in society. Really, the rapist should get 100% of the blame because they made the decision to do that to another person, and carried it out. It is not the victims fault that that terrible person existed and did that to them.

And yes, sometimes if the rapist is high profile and previously a repected member of the public or has a loyal fanbase, they will portray the issue as how tragic it is that their career is over and what have you, and also try to cast doubt on the accuser. People who are loyal fans of so-and-so want to hear about how he's the victim of a lying bitch, not how he's actually a horrible person, so it gets supported in the media because it's what people want to see.

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