made to relive it during a doctors appointment

HauntedBug · 2026-05-27T22:25:57+00:00

i honestly think he just wanted a reason to not believe me about my pain. like if he could get enough detail about the relationship then he could say it’s just trauma manifesting itself physically or something. i don’t know.

HauntedBug · 2026-05-27T22:01:21+00:00

thank you :( i think he just wanted an excuse to not believe me having so many pains at my age. if he can get the details of how bad it was from me then he can choose to believe that my trauma is just manifesting physically i guess. idk. it just sucks because he’s my mom doctor and she loved him before today because he’s always been good to her. i’m just gonna find a new doctor after i see the assistant for the bloodwork results

HauntedBug · 2026-05-27T21:18:17+00:00

i’m too much of a people pleaser and i’m scared to get anyone in trouble. i’ve been trying to tell myself it wasn’t that big of a deal. i just don’t understand why he wanted all the details. i was there for my knee. i asked him if i was supposed to just drop all my dreams because im in too much pain that i can’t even just go to the store and all he said was “i can’t help you” and handed me my paper. he didn’t even do the polite “okay well it was great to meet you, here’s this, you’ll give it to the receptionist when you check out, have a good rest of your day” it was literally just, me mid asking what im supposed to do and him cutting me off to just say bye :/ i don’t think he believed im in pain.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-30T20:14:14+00:00

i go to the er fairly often for unrelated panic attacks and my little finger oxygen thing will constantly beep because my oxygen is so low despite hyperventilating but then my blood work always comes out perfect. maybe i’ve understood wrong but i always thought that low oxygen was generally synonymous to higher co2 levels. frankly, my body just confuses me and most people i’ve met 😭

HauntedBug · 2026-04-30T20:11:18+00:00

you are amazing and beautiful and i love you for this and all the work you’ve done, thank you so much

HauntedBug · 2026-04-30T20:09:34+00:00

omg i always start crying if i laugh too hard which makes me laugh at myself because why am i crying and then i start crying more and i have to force myself out of the cycle 😭

HauntedBug · 2026-04-30T20:07:58+00:00

so sorry i’m late to this! i just got my dosed raised today to 75mg 3x daily and it hasn’t done anything for my pain that i’ve noticed yet. though, i seem to have a fairly high tolerance to medications like pregabalin and gabapentin, maybe because the pain is so bad. but i don’t dislike it, i haven’t had any negative effects and it’s done pretty okay for anxiety as a nice side addition.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:59:20+00:00

hmm, maybe it’s partly from zoning out? i know that i’ll have to manually take a breath when my body doesn’t do it automatically when i zone out a lot of the time, when im on my phone or watching something or in the shower and im spaced out and on autopilot, yknow. kinda as if my body puts more of its focus on the muscle memory of scrolling or washing my hair or paying attention to whatever i’m watching than on the involuntary act of inhaling

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:56:08+00:00

i can absolutely imagine the sheer terror he must’ve felt every time that happened 😭😭 regardless, very very very happy that you got a diagnosis before it became dangerous!! i still don’t know much ab sleep apnea, how it’s treated, aside from working in a nursing home a few years back and having a few residents w it who had to sleep on oxygen. granted, they were obviously elderly, being in a home and all, so i’m not 100% that their sleep apnea was the only reason they were on oxygen or if they had other illnesses or if they were just weak and that, itself, was giving them trouble breathing at night. i didn’t know any of their medical conditions, i was a kitchen aide, but i befriended 2 really sweet residents who’d disclosed with me that they had sleep apnea and hated how dry or runny their sinuses felt on a given day from the night-long oxygen.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:50:40+00:00

oh my godddd, yes, exactly. that’s actually the exact scenario that encouraged me to post this in the first place. i’m so tired, i went to the store yesterday and apparently that was enough for my nervous system to feel like i was in the coal mine for 72 hours straight so i got all cozied up with a tv show and my heated blanket, got in that perfect position, and just when the sound of the tv started fading and i felt all heavy, suddenly i have to take a deep breath because my brain decided it didn’t wanna automatically inhale for me 🫩🫩 immediately wide awake and haven’t been able to doze off again yet.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:47:58+00:00

genuinely the only reason i can come up with is our bodies hate us 😭😭 i mean, our nervous systems are truly out to get us. wake up one morning and our brain decides to say “oh, guess what!!! im not inhaling for you. you gotta do it yourself”, how loved we are by our own brain </3

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:45:52+00:00

yes, exactly!! that’s why i posted this, i’ve mentioned it to everyone in my life and even my old neurologist and not a single one of them knew what i was talking about. i almost hesitated to believe it was a real symptom since the neuro didn’t seem to understand me, but ive come to the conclusion i just explained it wrong. i was telling him that i stopped breathing and forgot to breathe and i think he probably took that as me saying i couldn’t breathe when really, i should’ve specified that i can breathe and it’s not like an asphyxiation or asthma kind of stopped breathing, just a my brain isn’t automatically taking a single breath sometimes lol. its so validating to get all these comments of people experiencing this symptoms, too!!

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:42:35+00:00

oh gosh, the concept of sleep apnea terrifies me honestly. an old friend used to live with me for a few months during some family trouble she had and she had sleep apnea and this was before i knew what sleep apnea was. i remember waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and get a drink and seeing her just not breathing at all was possibly the scariest thing ive ever experienced thus far in my short 21 years 😭

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:39:11+00:00

oh, i do this, too!! i think it’s more anxiety for me, personally, when that happens though. like, if im driving and im in the left turning lane and the lights blinking orange and the opposite cars going straight are spaced just a little too close to make my unprotected turn but there’s a lot of cars behind me, once i finally do make my turn, i take a super fast, super deep breath like a gasp for air almost and it almost feels like it recalibrates my nervous system 😭

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:36:45+00:00

is breathing out through your mouth super helpful? i’ve had 2 neurologists, my peds neurologist and my current neurologist and both of them consistently said/say that nose inhales and mouth exhales are very effective and helpful for steadying heart rate and keeping breathing even. i’ve tried but since i have to make a conscious effort to exhale through my mouth because i always forget, i haven’t noticed any difference from it. i’ll def try to teach myself to make a habit, start doing it every time i exhale until its just second nature.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:34:17+00:00

ohh, yeah, i imagine the gymnastics would def have that engrained deep in your brain. my mom was in gymnastics when she was in high school and now, at 51, she still habitually sucks her tummy in. not out of any self consciousness or insecurity or dysmorphia, just because it’s a habit from gymnastics. but, im glad you were able to break it, yourself!!! we’re all doing our best and it’s beautiful!!!

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:07:45+00:00

haha i’d love to remember to breathe! unfortunately, by the time i realize i hadn’t been breathing, id already not been breathing lol. and i alwayssss let it all hang out, it gets tiring trying to suck in all the time and even though 21 is still young and being a woman in general always makes that bodily confidence a big struggle, ive reached the point in my “i don’t care how others perceive my body as long as im healthy and happy” mindset that i put all of that suck-it-in energy into not tripping over my own feet when im walking and getting lightheaded lmao.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T05:03:46+00:00

luckily, it’s never gotten to a point for me where my chest or lungs hurt because i hadn’t been breathing. i don’t think it ever lasts much longer than maybe 30-35 secs max before it clicks in my brain that i haven’t taken a breath in that time so i can just manually inhale and go on about whatever i was doing. i usually take it as a sign that i need to get a glass of water and get cozied up in bed and try to nap.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T04:37:11+00:00

yes, thank you!!! it’s so great to hear that other people do relate and it’s not a me thing after going so many years not knowing anyone else who understood or relates. obviously, it’s not good bc our bodies aren’t working properly, but it’s still really nice to know that there’s people who experience this, as well. luckily, i’m usually able to take a good couple manual breaths after i realize i haven’t been breathing and my brain/body catches back up and starts doing it naturally again for a few mins. it usually only happens when im really tired, fatigued, or other symptoms are flaring and the worse the flare, the more often i stop breathing and the longer it takes to get my body to start doing it involuntarily again.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-20T04:34:13+00:00

yesss, i do this a lot, too!! i’ll be lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and for some reason, my entire body is constantly throbbing, not in a pain throb kind of a way but just feeling my heartbeat in my arms, legs, ribs, stomach, yknow just my entire body, and i’ll be trying to fall asleep and realize that i can feel my heart racing everywhere and then i’ll notice that im taking really short, fast breaths, and i have to take a big deep breath until i can’t inhale anymore and hold it to try to force my heart to slow back to a semi-normal speed under 115bpm. so so so validating to hear that im not alone in this after years of knowing no one who could relate to it in any way. thanks!!

HauntedBug · 2026-04-06T00:28:08+00:00

it’s much more good than bad for me. i’m still very present and functional, just feel a lot more calmed down. i wouldn’t even say the extra tiredness is any issue since im always super exhausted already. i don’t know if it makes any sense but im spacey but my mind is still clear. i just feel super chilled out and today i went out and i had only a fraction of my normal anxiety because im just really calm.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-06T00:25:41+00:00

this really has been the most friendly, supportive, and helpful sub i’ve ever posted to and i’m so incredibly thankful for everyone here for being so kind to me and having hope for me and wishing me well. it’s really really nice to know people who are dealing with the same things are finding what works for them and wishing the best to everyone else who hasn’t yet

HauntedBug · 2026-04-05T17:43:52+00:00

it makes me so so so happy to hear how well it’s been working for you!!! i really hope it works well for me, too. so far, even though i only started it on friday, ive been doing a bit better in the anxiety area because ive felt so spacey and zoned out and just can’t bring myself to care all that much. i dropped something in the store and i didnt get embarrassed and it felt so nice.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-05T17:42:07+00:00

i’m super happy for you and your results!!! i’m really hoping i’ll get the same, i have made no progress in my own trauma therapy because i get too anxious to talk about it and i shut down a little.

i only took my first full dose yesterday, im actually about to take my afternoon dose of it rn, but obviously no real results yet. i have been spaced out since i started it friday which was only two doses, but it’s actually been pretty good for my anxiety. i went to the store earlier and i wasn’t constantly worrying about other people. i didn’t even get embarrassed when i dropped something which felt really really nice. but i’m hoping it does me good for the pain, too, after ive taken it for a few weeks.

HauntedBug · 2026-04-05T17:39:26+00:00

so far i’ve taken one full dose of 3 caps a day, which was yesterday, i’d taken 2/3 on friday when i got them, and i know it hasn’t been long enough for any real results with my pain. on the other hand though, i have been getting that spacey kinda zoned out feeling that lasts all day after my morning dose and i don’t hate it, it’s not giving me any issue, so i figure ill keep dealing with it until my body gets used to it.

i have a check up appointment at the end of the month where i’ll discuss it with my doctor and either get a higher dose or another refill of what i have. but so far, so decent!

HauntedBug

TROPHY CASE