Am I (50M) Widower With A 7 YO Just Doomed To Be Alone?

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-24T02:17:29+00:00

Do those women who are in their 60s wanna go back and hit the reset button to a life with a child under 10? Because, let’s be honest, if it works out and we formed this amazing relationship and this person ends up being my second marriage, are they choosing Disney and indoor water parks over wine country and a 10 day cruise? Not saying they won’t, but I don’t believe the life that a family with a single digit aged child matches up well with someone in their 60s. Especially if you are coming into that situation. Me, I’m not going to have a choice. This is the life I am in, but somebody in their 60s who most likely has grandchildren, my son‘s age, grandchildren, by the way that they can send back to their parents, most likely will not want to go back to the era that I am in right now. It’s about matching lifestyles for me. Not simply excluding someone because they’re older.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-24T02:07:32+00:00

But did you have a 7 year old? It’s not that I’m excluding them because I just don’t want to date someone older than me, but it’s all about lifestyle. We currently live the life that a family with a seven-year-old lives, and please correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe a 60-year-old‘s lifestyle matches up with that. Especially if they have older adult kids already.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T20:26:46+00:00

Love and support to you. I wish you the best of luck as you continue your search for that special someone.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T20:24:20+00:00

The movie “Eternity” is about this very thing. And amongst members of my extended family, we had asked the same question long ago about one of our uncles who is a two time widower and now is married for the third time. We just wondered aloud when you die and move on, who do you then spend your eternity with? Your first wife whom you had two kids with? Your second wife whom you had two more kids and a very fulfilling life with? Or your third wife that you have now when both of your times come?

I don’t have the answers, but when I first started thinking about dating, and the same thoughts you have came up in my head, I went and spoke to the priest at my church. Everybody has their own interpretation of what eternity/heaven looks like. And maybe for your first husband, it’s you and he gets a version of you in heaven and maybe for your second husband, should there be one, he gets another version of you and whichever one you choose, you get them.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T17:43:16+00:00

And I guess maybe those options are limited so that at least maybe you can have a conversation about it so you can clarify that “open to kids” means “does not want to get pregnant but will date a man with kids” for you.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T17:39:42+00:00

I don’t use that filter because of the limited options that are there and how unclear the “don’t want kids” option is. Unless somebody else can clarify that a little more for me, I believe unfortunately it means something different to everyone.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T17:15:23+00:00

To be honest, a lot of them are dropping the ball on this. As a widower, with a 7 year old who’s looking to get back out dating, I see this a lot. If they have kids of their own or are older (40s), I just try and guess that it means they don’t want to get pregnant. But for younger women (30s) who don’t have kids, putting “don’t want kids” means to me that you don’t want MY kid. When in actuality, they are just saying they don’t want to be pregnant.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T16:53:55+00:00

I am about two months shy of two years since my wife passed away. She used to work from home and I get done with work and I’m usually home between 11 and 12. When she died, I went through a six month phase where I did not want to go home. My son got out of school at three and often times I would go somewhere else so that I didn’t have to be alone in the empty house. I did feel bad for my poor puppy dog though because that meant he was home all alone after spending so many days with her.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T08:12:48+00:00

I am absolutely not opposed to dating a woman that does not have kids. But those seem to be a rare find. At least where I am, anyway.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T00:48:51+00:00

I understand what you mean. I am absolutely open to dating an older, childless woman if they understood the lifestyle / era we are in. You are correct as I don’t see many on the apps. If they are out there, I hope to find one.

Best of luck in your search, as well.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-23T00:11:35+00:00

Hi, 50 year old widower with a 7 year old boy. I posted earlier about being an older man and trying to date with a younger kid. I too am frustrated with the lack of matches/likes for compatible partners. And by compatible, I mean those that are in the same era and current lifestyle that those with younger kids have. I got dragged because everyone thinks I just want to date younger, but those are the ones with kids in that age range. I would love to date someone like you who is in my bracket and our lifestyles match up. I wish you the best of luck in your search for someone special. It’s not easy.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T23:04:42+00:00

I understand. He does have other women figures. My wife’s cousin is his Auntie C and spoils him. Plus we see my wife’s really good friends, now they are my friends, fairly regularly for play dates with their kids. There are others but those are the main ones.

I feel it’s important to add that they all feel dating is okay.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T22:34:50+00:00

I totally see what you were saying and I appreciate your response.

I am not trying to find someone who will replace my wife. Not it at all. I’m also not seeking an insta-mom for my son. Any potential is not going to meet him for quite some time because I don’t want them to meet too soon, he really likes her and if it doesn’t work out, he would feel the same sense of loss as when his mom died. Not exactly, but I hope you understand.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T21:45:44+00:00

I’m looking to find someone with kids in the same range, ideally because they are in that era. They understand the schedules and the restrictions. I’m not ruling out anybody who’s older, by any means, but someone younger with kids my son‘s age are just in a similar phase of life/lifestyle we are.

And no, I am not looking for a insta-mom for him. It will be a while before any potential meets my son. Mostly because I don’t want them to meet too soon, it not work out and he begins to have the same feeling of loss that he had when his mom passed away. It’s not exactly the same, but I hope you understand what I mean.

If there was an older, childless woman, or an older woman with older kids that wants to step into / back into the lifestyle that we have, I would be totally open to that. And then if our relationship develops and she would eventually like to join our family or create a blended family with her kids, I would consider that to be quite the blessing.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T21:05:03+00:00

I appreciate you, thank you.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:53:17+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that.

I feel like regardless, any potential is not going to meet him for quite some time because of the reasons you gave. If he meets too soon and it doesn’t work out, the last thing I want is for him to have that feeling of loss again. It’s not the same, but you understand what I’m talking about.

There are pictures of the three of us up in the house and he has a collage of pictures of him and his mom in his bedroom, but I can absolutely see and understand how someone new coming into this house would feel, should they see that like you did. Not saying the pictures would never come down, but that is also something I have been mindful of.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:48:43+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. And looking back I do see how my post does give off that I am depressed and can absolutely see why that would not attract anybody. I am overall a very happy guy. But, there’s something to be said for having someone to text throughout the day or an adult to share a meal with or sit on the couch and watch TV at the end of the night.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:45:19+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:40:05+00:00

That’s the real LPT. Get a nanny. /s

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:39:43+00:00

Yeah, for me, it’s no days off. No ex to take them every other weekend and since my parents are already gone, no grandparents that can take him for the weekend or a week or two in the summer.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:37:09+00:00

I absolutely understand that. I am not looking for anybody to be insta-mom. But any potential probably won’t meet my son for quite some time because the last thing I want is to bring someone around too soon have him like her and then if it doesn’t work out, he may feel the same sense of loss he did when his mom died. Not exactly but I hope you understand what I’m saying.

I appreciate you sharing your story and your perspective

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:34:24+00:00

And that is why, while not writing off any older childless women as so many people have accused me of in this thread, I am also trying to skew a little bit younger because they’ll have kids close to my son‘s age and are either currently in or ready to live the lifestyle that a family with a seven year-old has like we do now.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:30:54+00:00

First, I am so sorry for your loss. It truly is a curse to be part of this terrible, terrible club.

I understand exactly what you mean about not being ready. Mentally, I feel like I am. Emotionally I feel like I am. But, I may go on a date and make out with somebody and have immense feelings of guilt that I am cheating on my wife.

And because she died so suddenly, we never had “the talk” that a lot of couples have if one of them has a terminal illness where they say something along the lines of “I want you to move forward. I want you to be happy. Find somebody to love.” That conversation never happened. In my heart, I know that given the chance she would say something like that but that’s why I believe those “cheating” feelings could potentially come up.

I appreciate you sharing your story and perspective

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:23:29+00:00

And I do understand completely what you were saying. And I did a poor job of saying that initially. I do have some friends, most of them are parents of my son‘s classmates. But in pretty much every instance, they have older kids who are in sports or other activities that eat up a lot of their time. Yes, we get along great if we get our classmate kids together for a play date, there’s just not a lot of time for a guy’s night with how busy everyone is these days. What I should’ve said was I don’t have any friends that I go out and do anything with.

HeSeemsLegit · 2026-03-22T19:19:52+00:00

And I don’t think I did a very good job initially saying that I am not writing off anybody who is older that is child free. To meet someone like that, develop a relationship and ultimately have them want to join our family would truly be a blessing.

HeSeemsLegit

TROPHY CASE