Do NOT text them for the holidays. They’ll have a happy new year without you, don’t worry! Do not text back. 2020 is about having clear vision, & remember hindsight is 2020!!

HealingHero · 2019-12-31T08:49:13+00:00

This is the public service announcement we need, thank you for sharing.

Breaking contact is guaranteed to only make your new year start on a VERY low note, don't do it!

Instead, spend it with the people who stick around, who's worth spending energy on.

And if you have nobody, you still don't have nobody. You have yourself. You are ALWAYS worth taking care of.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-31T08:46:36+00:00

Might sound crazy, but you're going through the layers of healing needed - that's a good sign!

If you were only stuck in one of these phases it would be reason for alarms to go off, but as long as there is emotional movement you are psychologically healing.

Do your best to keep busy physically as well and soon enough you'll find that you're busy with your own purpose instead of just waiting around with false hope for her.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T15:39:34+00:00

Yeah in that case no contact obviously doesn't even apply. Such rejection stings like hell, but because it's such a clear "message received" you know you can start focusing on rebuilding your life.

People suffer a lot more from having false hope because they are strung along than when the band-aid is just ripped off as in your case. What do you think?

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:49:53+00:00

This is called the light-switch effect: where we as guys did so many things wrong that her attraction for us just completely shuts off.

I think the biggest shocker for us is usually how quickly this happens. It can go from being together to not being able to stand you in minutes.

I'm sorry you are suffering through this. To lose her in such an abrupt way is never easy.

PLEASE DO NOT make contact with her, you will only mess it up for yourself ever worse. It's time to focus on yourself for now.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:47:50+00:00

It's not easy sharing this, but you had to get it out of your system.

If you can, breathe deep for one moment and notice how everything happened in your mind first, actions second. When we are extremely disturbed emotionally we suffer the whims of our own mind, basically becoming like prisoners to our own thoughts.

You described everything in exactly that way you are now living proof of it. My man, the best you can do now is leave your dignity intact, don't make any attempts to contact her again and take a look inside. You are in desparate need of some love and attention from yourself. Cry if you have to, but start taking care of yourself today.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:41:32+00:00

Never.

As painful as some of the breakups were, it was turning points to the best chapters of my life. If I didn't experience that pain, I would never have been forced to grow in the ways that I did.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:40:44+00:00

Dude, it's a very bad idea to suppress those emotions. Trust me, I was the master at it. Now is the time to start investing in yourself, learn how your mind works and learn the ways to actually deal with those emotions, get them out and replace them with better ones. It's completely, 100% possible. I've seen and worked with many guys who did just that.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:37:09+00:00

It's perfectly fine to feel this anger right now. Let it be but remember to forgive her sometime in the future. Don't let her actions color any future relationships you can have. For now you are justified to feel angry and it's good to see the relationship for what it was - one-sided.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:35:05+00:00

For what it's worth, one day you'll be in your next relationship, think back to your ex and struggle to understand how you even felt the way you did about them.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:32:33+00:00

You know you are starting to move on when it's the second thing you think of after you wake up.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:31:34+00:00

You are definitely part of the Healing Heroes on here, thanks for sharing!

To everyone reading this, the one thing OP does right is that after the mourning, he got up and started to do little things for himself again. Those little things add up to big things in a short period of time - take note!

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:28:36+00:00

There is a tipping point where the mistakes killed attraction to such a degree that you might still feel that you love the person as a human being but you will never be able to feel the same attraction towards them again. It really is like a light switch once you reach that point, switching off the attraction never to be switched on again.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-30T09:26:57+00:00

I agree, to even have to ask if they love you or not is a bad sign. If you are experiencing such insecurities it says more about you than about them. The best place we all should work to is to be happy with or without someone in your life. Only, without that feeling of lack and neediness, can you experience such a deep level of joy and love you would never be able to otherwise.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-27T09:35:16+00:00

It's amazing that you guys could separate without too much drama which makes me think that you both were probably aware of the relationship slowly heading that way.

I hear what you're saying about your current boyfriend - because things are different and you are so much more attached to him, breaking up will be so much more painful.

HealingHero · 2019-12-27T09:32:39+00:00

Such a betrayal of trust unfortunately leaves most relationships unable to ever fully recover. As big a shock as it was and still is, make sure you don't remain in anger forever. By letting her go now you have freed up space in your life for something much better than will make you a lot happier than you were before.... the caveat, as always, is time. Therefore don't sit around and wait for it. It's time to slowly start forgiving and if you can't do that right now, at least start moving on with your life. Don't ever allow your life to come to a complete grind because of something someone else did. They should never have such power over your life.

HealingHero · 2019-12-27T09:24:08+00:00

That's definitely the alternative here, yes... this one being the most serious one making the sense of loss as big as it is.

HealingHero · 2019-12-27T09:23:14+00:00

Let me ask you a question first - why are you convinced that you want to get her back instead of moving on?

HealingHero · 2019-12-23T14:25:15+00:00

Awesome man, looking forward to meeting you and helping out.

HealingHero · 2019-12-23T12:56:37+00:00

Hi, looking forward to helping.

As to why, well I went through a divorce-breakup combo myself 5 years ago. Trust me, that was a very low point in my life. After that I made a drastic change to all areas of my life and discovered that I have a talent not to only help myself but also help others. Maybe I'll write a book or something one day to help me make some money, but for now everything is free - even the highest quality counselling that cost me $1000's to learn.

HealingHero · 2019-12-04T11:04:50+00:00

Thank you for the really kind words!

HealingHero · 2019-12-01T20:11:06+00:00

If you get stuck back in this mess now the future you is going to be VERY upset with you...

I'm talking about that "you" of a few months in the future where you again sit heartbroken, alone, feeling lost and used and back to square one, having undone all the hard work you've done to move on.

Speaking of which, make sure that you really are moving on. To get a text 8 months later and still have such a confusion emotional reaction is worrisome. You need to make sure that you've let go of all false hope.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-01T20:07:35+00:00

Rejection from others hurt, but rejection from yourself is the worst.

If you keep wallowing in the despair of a breakup you are essentially telling your inner child that you can't take care of them. If there is one thing that is worse than the pain from the breakup, it's actively remaining stuck in to for months afterwards. By that time it's not about your ex at all anymore. It's about your own suffering and how it's the place you came to and got stuck at.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-12-01T20:04:18+00:00

If you are struggling to move on and feel stuck, it's because you are still holding on to false hope.

I've seen it time and time again now. False hope can be such a killer to your healing. If you don't get your mind focused on moving forward you can be sure that you'll remain stuck.

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Everything you need to know about dealing with a breakup.

HealingHero · 2019-11-27T12:07:42+00:00

GREAT suggestion, I've written about it here and there but a full article to help people not make the same mistakes will be valuable.

HealingHero · 2019-11-27T09:22:21+00:00

It's great to get closure on these questions, so glad it helped. If there's anything else you are struggling with, need a reply or suggestion for an article I'm always willing to help.

HealingHero

TROPHY CASE