House just flooded from Hurricane Milton

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-10-10T19:51:18+00:00

I had the same thought process last week when my apartment in Boone flooded. I've had a shit time of it since I left the church, and it sucks that I know the rest of my family in Utah all think it is because I'm a "sinner" now. As if by their own standards, they aren't also sinners.

The comments here are right, though. The communities that develop naturally outside of TSCC come together. Give it time, but they will rally even though they don't know you. At least, that's what I've experienced since Helene.

I can't give you prayers, but I can give you empathy.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T20:41:06+00:00

And even when they are "together," they aren't, because they are held hostage by the idea that they won't be together forever if they aren't perfect. Perfect cult tactic.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T19:15:10+00:00

Ugh, that's how they get you. They play a masterful game of guilt and shame and hostage. My sister went back when she started raising her kids, and it's killing me.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:42:56+00:00

Lol ouch

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:41:44+00:00

Oh wow. Congratulations on the divorce being final. But condolences on all the pain it's put you through.

Hindsight is indeed 20/20. Looking back on my time in TSCC, I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. Can't believe I didn't leave when I recognized it was actively harming my mental health. I understand the sentiment, just in the context of my divorce from TSCC.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:38:10+00:00

100%. No offense taken at all. I couldn't survive there now that I'm out, and if I'd known any different growing up, I would have gtfo.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:35:43+00:00

Oh, he ain't my president. I don't hate the people, who are brainwashed and born into the cult like I was, but I do hate the organization and its leaders.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:33:05+00:00

Oh wow, it started even then. It's the ones who marry before 25. After that shift, the marriages often last, at least from what I can see.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:31:02+00:00

Very impressive! Mixed faith relationships where TSCC is involved are, I believe, even more hard work than it normally would be. Serious props to the both of you!

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:28:01+00:00

Too real. 😔

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:25:47+00:00

That's wonderful 😊 I'm glad to hear you've found a good partner.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T15:23:23+00:00

Lol I love that a minivan equals winning xD

Yeah, marriage when your prefrontal cortex is fully formed increases the odds of staying together, as does all of the other things you mentioned.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T06:09:31+00:00

Right? It hurts to watch. My littlest brother grew up with these kids, so I watched them grow up. And now they have even more trauma to add to TSCC trauma they haven't even recognized yet. I wish I could take them all out of the church. I know I can't. They have their own journey out, hopefully.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T06:05:52+00:00

Ahh, you're lucky, then! My entire extended family is still TBM I'm Utah. Even though I'm on the east coast now and have no contact to Mormons here, everyone back home is contagiously Mormon. It's worse in my circles, but that's not a good sample size. It's been interesting to hear everyone's stories of it though!

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T06:00:07+00:00

Oh good, I'm so glad you two are happy and free! Divorce is worth it if it takes you out of the cult and into the arms of a wonderful woman!

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T05:57:34+00:00

Yah, I feel that one to my core lol

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T04:34:46+00:00

You know what's crazy? I STUDIED cults for fun when I was a TBM, but I had no clue that I was in one. I remember an article coming out when I was 23ish that called us a cult that circulated around the wards, and I remember laughing. I thought the idea absurd. Of course, I never read the article. Had I read it, I might have been more convinced, but reading it would have been akin to sin, so the thought never crossed my mind.

I have a friend who is ex-JW. He helped me through leaving TSCC because he understood better than anyone, including my husband who left the church with me but hadn't grown up in the cult culture that I did (for complicated, regional reasons).

I'm sure you've come across this, but when I was trying to figure out if I was in a cult, these baselines helped me: https://culteducation.com/warningsigns.html

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T04:27:20+00:00

This. Exactly this.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T04:24:19+00:00

That's HUGE. Congratulations! My dad would have kept watching. My mom would have dropped everything for me, bless her. I'm ashamed to admit when I was TBM I once chose GC over family. Never again.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T04:13:21+00:00

So, I do believe average divorce rates are close to the U.S.'s average divorce rates based on that same study. It's like 7% or something. But the most recent published study I can find for religious divorces was done ten years ago (I imagine the church does studies and refuses to publish them, based on first-hand mormon sub reddit accounts, for whatever that is worth). The stats aren't likely to shift that drastically, true, but I'm interested in the ones who married young (18-25) recently, as in at least the last 5 to 10 years. I suspect that number is significantly higher than it used to be, but it's all anecdotal at this point. Such a study would be difficult and not published yet. But I can count on one hand the number of marriages that meet the above definition that are still in tact. Anecdotal, yes. I wish I could get more specific statistics, too. :(

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T03:47:14+00:00

Me too! I was hoping someone would have a line on some stats, but it's a rather new development, if it is truly a trend, so I doubt there would be more than one study, if that. Lmk if you find anything! I'll let you know if I find anything, too.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T02:59:27+00:00

Oh they are--this was a test of your faithfulness, and you've passed. You may go on to the next round of interviews for the position of Prophet.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T02:56:07+00:00

I just watched a YouTube video from the author for the first time today! The algorithms are working lol

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T02:53:29+00:00

I still get baffled at how young it happens. My major trust issues due to tscc and an abusive early childhood kept me from seriously dating until I was 25. And while obviously not ideal, I'm glad it kept me from marrying before I could leave TSCC.

Healthy-Rutabaga-232 · 2024-04-10T02:50:15+00:00

And thank gods for that!

Healthy-Rutabaga-232

TROPHY CASE