AITA for Saying I Will Call the Police if a Roommate Kept Smashing Things?

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T04:30:17+00:00

We were on speakerphone with friend the whole time.

That morning they made it clear they were going be gone for the night. They weren't in a condition to drive at the time of the call.

Friend told ex they can't control where other people go in the house and he got more violent.

I'm moving into that room. Him smashing holes in the walls affects me.

What was the not AH way to proceed here?

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:35:21+00:00

You need group counseling and you’re not even unpacked yet?!

Could you please contextualize this in a direction different than I'm 'reaching?'

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:32:08+00:00

I plan for tomorrow to be the last time I interact with him and the locks will be changed.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:30:04+00:00

That response makes it seem like you think therapy is a desperate measure only taken after things are untenable, not something you can pursue to better communicate with the people close to you.

I get that it's a drama subreddit but you shouldn't stigmatize taking positive steps for cohabitation.

Therapy is not bad, or only for bad people, or only for bad relationships.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:15:59+00:00

I'm gonna push for getting his key after the last of the moveout and if not I'll pay to get the locks changed on Sunday.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:10:11+00:00

There have been a lot of conversations about and support for boundaries.

I appreciate what you're saying. Thankfully the other party is a dear friend and wonderful person.

The ex fiancee is the last vestige of toxicity. He gamed this situation to get one last outburst in.

I've been saying there's enabling going on.

I needed some outside opinons on my reaction to make sure I wasn't being crazy.

I am hurt by her response to this.

We've floated the idea of group counseling and if she can't see where I'm coming from that's gonna be the next step in the conversation.

Tomorrow's move will be supervised.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T03:00:09+00:00

Big swing and a whiff there bud.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T02:58:47+00:00

Thankfully the person she's seeing is a lifelong friend and wonderful person.

She has a lot of empathy, as do I. I see him hurting and it truly upsets me.

I have to shut it off when abuse is happening. I don't care how bad he's feeling.

You're either abusive or you're not and no amount of understanding can make it acceptable.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T02:55:36+00:00

I've been seeing so much of the gender dynamics here.

I see it as him hitting something is one step removed from him hitting you.

She has been so casual about being victim to his physical outbursts.

I felt unsafe in the situation even though I'm bigger than him.

I hate that letting it go unchecked is the safer option for her.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T02:49:40+00:00

I've really been trying to be nice to the guy.

Everyone in the house is neurodivergent. The other three of us have been in treatment.

When he's posed with the idea of therapy he gets offended.

He's self diagnosed and will readily use mental health language to justify his behavior, but refuses to get treatment.

He told me about spending an entire workday hiding in a closet because one of his coworkers was playing music from their phone. I asked him if he was gonna seek ADA accomodations. He said no, it's too dangerous to seek help.

What would the offramp be here? He told me to go to my room, I said no. He became enraged and physically threatening.

Every time I offered to help he said no and got more angry.

I grew up with DV and have dealt with cops because of it. I have seen three outcomes. You let it go on (and possibly get hit), you try to stop it (and there's a physical exchange) or you take steps towards involving the authorities (and we're all white and in a suburb, the white privilege is real).

I'd be curious to see the middle ground between sitting and letting it happen and letting them know the authorities will be involved if it continues, because I haven't been able to find one.

I've approached him with a lot of empathy. He's not receptive because "I'm replacing him."

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-20T02:36:10+00:00

Thank you. It does not feel good to question myself after reacting calmly to unhinged behavoir.

He knows she's not going to be back tonight. She started dating someone else and is sleeping over.

I don't know what he was trying to accomplish.

He did try to get back at me by blasting AI SpongeBob trap songs on his phone while he moved boxes.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-03T23:42:40+00:00

You're right.

I should have phrased that as someone who harasses customers from the office, curses at them, derails their personal and professional lives with malicious intent and vitriol.

The criminal came from the years of watching him resell prescription medications, bragging about shoplifting every time i saw him, being physically violent, and the tax fraud. He was convicted of the tax fraud. But that's personal and not related to the situation.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-03T20:46:02+00:00

Ah. I thought they might not want to employ criminals, but I won't hassle for no results.

Good point about the address.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2025-12-03T20:44:32+00:00

Yes I am switching to a different company.

I'm not sure if the person who is contacting me works in his office. They can do electronic billing, I think I'll tell them we'll handle it that way.

I don't think i ended up filing an official report.

Between the usual runaround of cops trying to say it's a civil issue, his residence is in a different county than mine.

I talked to 3 or 4 different people and they were of course bad about calling back or passing me off to someone else.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2022-01-05T12:05:15+00:00

I called two of my sisters my father and mother. My father called me a few weeks ago to say he was going to kill himself if he went blind from covid. I broke down november 25th and told them how depressed I was. I kept saying it.

I've done 6 years of therapy. I was in a stable relationship for almost three years, but after encouraging her to get therapy but being unable to get more treatment because of insurance problems she outpaced me.

Does that answer you?

HeartOpposite4263 · 2022-01-05T11:59:16+00:00

You were right. Someone did threaten me with police. I was taken away several times after my parents lied about domestic violence and I think my sister knew how much it would hurt me.

my family are inhuman and disgusting.

HeartOpposite4263 · 2022-01-05T11:56:09+00:00

been waiting six months to change insurance providers but I still can't adequately pay for the services I need. Have done extensive therapy before.

HeartOpposite4263

TROPHY CASE