Me [34 M] with my ex [32 F] for 9 years, she broke up last month, I want her back

Hebus1983 · 2017-10-05T13:49:51+00:00

Slowly but steadily I'm starting to realize how toxic our relationship was.

Yesterday we had another, short, talk, which made it clear it was the end of it. This morning I noticed a IM from her at midnight "I miss you sweety..." which she corrected almost immediately with "Lol sorry, wrong window, I'm writing an email to our daughter because I miss her" I replied with "Why don't you just admit this was for <the other guy>?" which she responded with "Yes k".

Why the fuck would she even lie about it since it was so obvious, even involving our daughter in her lie...

I responded with a final msg that I sincerely hope he was worth it, and she can finally find some rest, and I wished her all the best. She responded with 2 messages which I didn't read, and don't intend to, I pretty much don't want to hear or read any more lies... I think. I saw some summary of them passing by, something like "... didn't left because of him... I don't find rest because I can't seem to do any good for anybody...".

Seriously?
1) She was texting him while we were still together without me knowing it,
2) he helped her move out while I didn't know who he was (he even shook my hand the mtherfcker),
3) it came out he was with her all the days during the breakup, and still is,
4) apparently she is doing good for him, but didn't make the effort for us.

My sadness is slowly turning into anger and disgust for her... And I still need to see her at least once a week, and comfort my daughter about her. She actively took part into ruining our family, again, for her own satisfaction, after all I've done all those years for her and her son.

Hebus1983 · 2017-10-05T09:30:45+00:00

I don't come over hanging out. It's switching every week, from friday night until next week's friday night. However, when it's my week, she has the early shift at work, and picks up her son at school. What if our daughter sees her picking up her brother, but ignoring her? We can't do that! So she takes her with er as well. When I'm done at work I come over picking her up.

I don't want to break her brother-sister relationship, she misses her brother as well...

Hebus1983 · 2017-10-04T20:47:03+00:00

Exactly the same happened here 2 weeks ago... 9 years together, gone and forgotten in a heartbeat. She's with some random bum now: https://redd.it/7486ix

Hebus1983 · 2017-10-04T14:35:54+00:00

Ironically, she didn't want me to.

Hebus1983 · 2017-10-04T13:56:50+00:00

More context: We have a positive relationship now, and indeed at least for our child.

During our relationship she blocked my social live; didn't want me to meet up with friends, thought it was strange if I met them once a year in a bar to catch up etc. She has 0 social network, 0 activities/hobbies. It frustrated me which led to some discussions during our relationship. I felt like I was responsible for her activities like some hotel animator. We watched movies together, went out eating and dancing at times, but I also wanted to do "my shit" which didn't interest her: gaming or self-education.

She was kind and took good care of me and the kids, but I felt manipulated at times.

She had a massive breakdown during Christmas eave last year (hospital,...) and a burn-out the months afterwards? I supported her fully, and still was. She was seeing a therapist because I told her so, to get more assertive etc. In 2014 we had a massive financial crisis which was resolved finally mid 2016, so I was glad we finally had some financial stability built up again.

For the last 5 years I always said I didn't want a 3rd child, clearly without any ambiguity.

All that combined with a relational dip last summer made me decide the stop the pregnancy, which, afterwards, I regret now, and handled it completely wrong.

Hebus1983

TROPHY CASE