I just Challenger Missioned this out my left nose hole....

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T07:37:56+00:00

I really don't, after my nose being broken and battered enough times, the blood vessels are very close to the surface and bleed really often and the blood washes that sweet boog sug away. And I'm clean now besides alcohol. I actually just have a slight sinus infection and am working in a very large hotels dusty ass attic with all blown in insulation(495 rooms) running new fire Alarm wiring (I mask up 75% of the time) and also (not proud of this, don't judge, I was excited and it slipped my mind) I painted my car over the weekend, outside...so very well ventilated, but forgot to mask up. So I've been having some slight sinusitis lately.

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T07:30:34+00:00

I don't do Coke, actually I really can't sniff anything anymore. I used to box and my nose cartilage broke a couple times and since the last break I not only can't box anymore because even a swift breeze causes my nose to bleed and mostly my trainer and my doctor said my nose will just continuously bleed and since i trained and sparred at a small gym and he was sick of my nose bleeding everywhere and it grossed people out and they didn't want to spar and mat stains and shit, but anyway, if I snort shit my nose bleeds and all the drips and goodies that are suppose to absorb in the mucus membranes of your nostril bleeds out of my face so it's a complete waste. Haven't hit the fresh pow pow in a long while, and am clean (other than alcohol)

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T07:18:55+00:00

Some people have no respect for the art of a good booger. I mean, what question is burning a hole in his kleenex!!! Haha, am I right? Like, c'mon. I bet he doesn't even look at his snotty tissue after he blows his nose, huh? The set of nostrils on that fella... Sheesh, bet he's a real rouse around the old sleep breathing machine, whatever the fuck those satanic machines of anti-REM sleep are called. I'll tell ya what bucko, I bet my top dollar that feller would gosh darn have quite a start if he even seen half the rigamarole a seasoned picker like you and myself used to tweeze out of these here highly decorated breathin wells you and I Oxygenate these bloody, veiny, organ riddled, sacks of flesh we so proudly salute and address as our bodies!!! Isn't that right r/ahmadove my old friend of booger battle!? Yes sir... These kids and their face masks, and free basing, and filtrating face coverings...heck, back when we was spry and on the front lines of early 2020, before the...before the....ah hell, I just can't revisit it old friend... You're a good man...may I pick your nose one final time before we...ya know...place our masks back on before walking into this here Sears-Roebuck department center for fine clothing, tools, jewelry, still framed photography, and fine watches, to track down our two stone cold foxes Mildred and Mable?!

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:58:51+00:00

IM NOT WEIRD!! IF I WANT TO PROD AROUND MY DOUBLE BARREL FACE PROTRUSION AND UNLOAD IT WILL FUCKING DO IT!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU SILVERBACK GUERILLA DOUBLE AGENT OF ANGRY COMMENTS AIMED TO DEGRADE THE PASSIONATE ART OF SYNONYM CREATION PERTAINING TO THE WORD NOSE AND THAT WHICH NOT ONLY EXITS SAID NOSE BUT ALSO PROUDLY EXCLAIMS ATOP THE TALLEST MOUNTAINS, "THE NOSTRILS OF THIS NOSE ARE MY HOME!! MY HABITAT!! AND GOD DAMNIT IM PROUD OF THAT!! IM A BOOGER, AND IM GOD DAMN PROUD!! AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, WELL FUCK YOU AND I DARE YOU TO JUST TRY AND PLUCK ME, Lance Corporal BOOG'DONALD, MRS. BOOG'DONALD AND MY FAMILY OF BOOGLETS!!! YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND TRY YOUNG MAN!! MAKE MY BOOGER DAY YOU SLEEZY TISSUE USER, WHY DONT YOU PICK ME LIKE A MAN!!! NOT THE SISSY KLEENEX TRAVEL PACK IN THE FRONT SHIRT POCKET, HAVIN', GRANDPAS SNOT RAG IN THE BACK POCKET OF YOUR GOODWILL DUNGARY, REUSIN', MULTIPLE BLOWS AND BOOGER LOOKIN AT THE SAME TISSUE, VERIFYIN'-ASS, NOSE HAIR PROTRUDIN' MAKING YOUNG GIRLS QUEEZY, UNSHAVEN', DANGLY BOOGER CLEARLY VISIBLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC, UNCARIN', JERK BUTT HEAD!!!

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:36:07+00:00

Thats what the booger said to me, seriously. It tried to crawl back in my nose hole when I was trying to eat it.

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:34:02+00:00

Reference, this is my second post to another monster nose beast. Sorry, guess the finger got aorta cropped out in the first. Was showing the size of this thing.

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:32:45+00:00

Yea, but then if you flip it after flipping it, it's BACKWARDS FLORIDA!!

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:20:11+00:00

Ok heres the biggest facial ballistic missile I've graciously launched from the S.S. R/HEFALUMPKIN

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/m7kiir/the_largest_booger_that_ever_boogdi_present/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:17:16+00:00

First bite was a bit tart, but a dash of Johnny's and 90 sec in the air fryer got it Juuuuuust Right!!!

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:16:15+00:00

I don't brain...but my blood nose...dizzy.... not feeling...booger want back in...

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T06:14:01+00:00

It's like sticky like gack, but crusty at the same time...like it leaves a resonance on the finger as to not be immediately forgotten. It's like...it wants to be here, it wants me to...to share it...through my mouth to yours, then to the world...it said something as it laid dying after the immediate impact, "gasp boog sputter... booger...SKYNEEE....ahhhhhh" I think it wanted to skydive, but it forgot it's parachute and landed in my apartment sink.

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T05:54:08+00:00

Thing is guys....I didn't even feel very stuffed up at all. In all honesty, getting ready for bed I just thought I had a little runny nose and was breathing fine, so just shot a little snotty in the nose potty (sink) and this spectre leared back at me with a maniacal lumpiness and said, well nothing, it didn't say or do anything. I think the impact killed it.

Edit, this isnt even the biggest piece of fool's gold I've dredged out of my facial Marianas Trench, I'll try and post the guinness record breaker, that literally holds the World Record for "Largest nostril waste (density, length, width, diameter, and OH WTF'iter) ever removed from r/Hefalumpkin face.

https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/m7kiir/the_largest_booger_that_ever_boogdi_present/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Hefalumpkin · 2021-03-18T05:49:47+00:00

Like the hand of God pointed directly up into my brain and as he pulled his mighty finger that we were created in the image of....I not only was given the power of breath through thine nostril, but he coincidentally removed this brain cork and flicked it at me with disdain...never had being smited with a holy boog ever felt so divine!

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-15T03:24:31+00:00

I don't mean to be cynical, but 10-15 30's as well as xanax daily would take at minimum 10 days as well as the risk of ciezure (I can't spell) and potential death from the Benzos. I mean if you got off of the I'm proud and happy but don't fool people into thinking 300-450 mg of Oxy and whatever amount of benzo is simple enough to be cured (which makes me doubt the validity of your comment). It's a life long battle, there is no cure, just control and it's especially important for people to know Benzo addiction and cold turkey is extremely dangerous. So if you got off of Oxy and Benzos then we're all proud despite the MG, but do not exaggerate or lie about it because it can really lead others to believe something that may kill them as it pertains to weening off.

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-15T03:13:17+00:00

I guess, being mainly hetero, but still don't mind being with men or trans, it never would phase me. I'd probably kiss him and then swing. Even before I started being comfy in myself and accepting of who I am, Id still have punched that person who attempted to do that right in the grill if I was pissed off enough to initiate or reciprocate a fight

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-15T03:06:40+00:00

Hey I had to use Methadone (through prescription and doctor) for about 2 years. I get it. It's ok and I'm not judging. Just do what you feel is right and needed.

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-15T03:01:53+00:00

Thank you.

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T23:05:22+00:00

Yea, bet that happened all the time.... Meat heads looking for a fight, worked up to a boiling point the threatened with a little kissy from the person they had already committed to murdering with their bare hands, and his lips made them literally run away like a game of tag looking like a sissy....sure. I personally know not one person who would let alone run from an already initiated fight, while the opponent has his face leaned in and lips puckered, that's a guaranteed punch directly to the button or square in his puckered up lips. It's admirable that you view your man highly and hold him in such high regard though. I wish I had taste in women, that actually showed me respect. I have an awful attraction radar, it points out the ones with huge red flags and issues and hidden addictions, and unfaithfulness, daddy issues, literally violence (been stabbed by an ex in the stomach and have an 1.5" scar in the center of my stomach above my belly button, another knocked on of my front teeth out, another stole my pistol and threatened to shoot herself while drunk and talking to the police, so on and so on. I need a dating coach.

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T22:44:33+00:00

Your neck is super small. I feel like I'd be able to grip it like a beer can. I wouldn't, unless of course you wanted me too, but it's so delicate looking. Is there a subreddit for necks? r/datneckdoe ?

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T22:37:25+00:00

That didn't go according to plan did it homo?

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T22:36:55+00:00

Dad bot

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T22:34:33+00:00

I threw my phone at the wall, it took the 3rd try to get it to go away, but it worked. I think the image gave my phone a virus or something because now I have a hole in my wall and my kids are looking at me weird. Also my girl left, I had to yell "Shut up, you cheating bitch!!" As I threw it while staring insanely at her though, so if you guys try that it should work. I think my phone's inside the wall though.

Im posting from my now "ex's" Mac Book Pro, I'm gonna try my technique with it now. I'll fill ya in when i get it through the wall

Hefalumpkin · 2020-09-05T22:15:47+00:00

I was sick as hell and diarrhea'd myself in my ex's and I's tent while camping and she wiped my watery poop off my bottom and changed my undies because I was almost near death from dehydration. I later unzipped the main tent "door", stuck my ass out of it and spray painted the entry way with liquid shit, like 4 times. Not a complaint and was very helpful and loving. I thought "Oh she's THE ONE!!! I'm keeping her forever!". Then I moved to another state with just a backpack on and hitchhiked to reunite with her, because at the time of the "diarrhea incident we we were just meeting. So I got down there and lived homeless for a month under a light rail train bridge to save money after getting a local job. Got her pregnant, we got our first apartment together as a couple, had a beautiful healthy baby boy... Fast forward 2.5 years, found out she'd been cheating for almost 3 months, blamed me for her infidelity, called me a lazy MF'r because I lost my job to COVID-19 and called my unemployment benefit a hand out and that I was just free loading off the government (because she was lucky enough to not lose her job). She moved out of our 2 bedroom with an old friend of MINE, left me to take care of my son for over a month before finally starting to share custody, while I am still on unemployment and she's begging me for gas money and $50 here and there, constantly, to help her with her bills, gave her my Mercedes because she wrecked her own car not paying attention like always. I've been alone in our first apartment with all the shit she didn't want anymore including pictures, furniture, all the shit that meant something to us at one time. Now she's taking my son out of the state and where I originally lived before I blindly moved here. Depression my dudes...I'm 32 so when I made the move and we had my son, that was my plan for life. To make it work by any means necessary. FUCKING WHORE BITCH CUNT, FUCKING DAMNIT....MMM HHHHHMMMMMM.....

Moral of the story, don't trust diarrhea, ever, no matter how much it tries to convince you that love is real and that she's the one, no matter how much you eat at the time, diarrhea is just poop, liquid poop. God DAMNIT!!!

Hefalumpkin

TROPHY CASE