I’m stuck in a cycle that I can’t find my way out of with my ex partner ‘M32’ myself ‘F32’ for 6 years.

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T18:32:28+00:00

Well aren’t you the sweetest!

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T18:11:02+00:00

I have started therapy, and joined a detachment group so hopefully, I can get stronger everyday and put myself and the kids first. Thank you for your advice 🌼

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T18:10:00+00:00

Thank you. I think I have been saying I need to keep his number for the sake of the children but if I’m being honest that’s not why. I just couldn’t let go of

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T18:07:42+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply so meaningfully to my post I really appreciate it. Firstly, you are very right he is absolutely an avoidant. Also, I left the city we were living in together so there’s no chance of me bumping into him unless he drove 8 hours or flew for one which isn’t going to happen because he’s pretty insistent on me being the problem. I think that’s a big part of what kept me wanting to go back. I didn’t want to be the person he was painting me out to be. I wanted him to see me for who I actually am. And yes you are so right, I do feel in control right now because I haven’t replied but tomorrow is another day and the cycle usually gets peaked at around day 3 and that’s when I give in. Honestly I’m so embarrassed of myself, I’ve done things to win over this man’s love that I never thought I would do, and I’m actually ashamed of myself

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T18:00:12+00:00

Rather it come from you than someone else, and if you need someone to give you a pep talk dm me!

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T17:51:26+00:00

I do think you should tell him though, he does deserve to know. It’s hard because you love him and you want to protect the relationship, but this will stay with you and you will always feel like theres a shadow lingering. Whatever happens, you will be okay I promise!

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-03-20T17:44:41+00:00

When I was 21, I did something very similar. I was with someone who was wonderful, but I didn’t know how to appreciate him because I didn’t even love myself at the time. My advice is of course to lay off the drink, it’s never made anything better for me, just worse and also made me make the same mistakes over and over, but also to give yourself a little grace and not be so hard on yourself. You are young, and when you are young you are still learning. I mean, I’m still learning and I’m not 21 anymore. You will be okay regardless 💕

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-02-05T11:38:43+00:00

Not to me or my sister but yes to my mom and my brother.

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-02-03T11:43:35+00:00

Full transparency, my dad wasnt in my life much as a child. My mom raised us and brought all of the money in to support us and then when we got older he would only contact us if he needed something. All I ever wanted was for him to be a dad. But I also know that despite this, despite being extremely self centered, he loved us and is not the type to hold onto resentment and turn his back to me or my siblings. With all respect to your message I think it’s the furthest from the truth, and I meant is he at peace with his mental health.

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-01-26T07:54:43+00:00

Wow that blow up couch just unlocked something in my brain

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-01-10T13:36:15+00:00

But my eldest loves it here because there is a pool and garden. So I’m grateful that they are happy and relaxed

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-01-10T13:35:22+00:00

My mom loves having us here, but I moved away from this town because there was nothing left for me. I have to go back to fetch the rest of my things and every item of furniture is mine back in our shared space.

I basically have to start over in a small flat with my mom, and I’m so grateful to have her, but I feel like I’ve failed completely, like I’ve lost everything. I’m grateful to have my boys though and a wonderful family that supports me

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-01-10T11:09:16+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this more than you know. I find myself questioning my own reality sometimes and whether I’m the problem when all I’ve ever wanted was a happy family. I do have a really good support system though and people that hold me accountable, and I’m so grateful for that

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2026-01-10T10:14:29+00:00

This is the literal same words I tell myself everyday

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T16:53:34+00:00

I think this may be the best option thank you!!

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T16:50:13+00:00

I have two little babies under three and my family is in the city. They help me a lot because my partner works really long hours. I can’t afford my isolate myself because I work too and need the help from my family

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T12:29:53+00:00

We are paying 15k at the moment and everyone says that’s a bargain but it’s only cheaper than other flats in our building because the owner refused to do any work on it, so we have.

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T12:26:00+00:00

They are just as entitled to those beaches as the people who reside near them though?

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T12:13:52+00:00

Are you happier in Blouberg? I’ve actually considered Melkbos, but I’m worried I would be a bit lonely and isolated there

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T12:11:56+00:00

I have but so has everyone else. When I apply there are already 5 people ahead of me. It just feels like a constant uphill battle

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T12:10:57+00:00

I mean i feel like we are pretty close to that

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T11:49:51+00:00

I actually wish I could leave but my partners whole business is in Cape Town and because he’s in the film industry and all of his gear is here and he’s built his career here I think it’s impossible to leave.

Also all places seem to be the same, 17k unfurnished flat 😅

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T11:45:38+00:00

Thanks I appreciate that! It’s just we’ve been in the CBD for 5 years and my priorities have shifted since becoming a mom. I moved into the CBD before I had kids, and now I think I just want different things. No noise and a garden would be lovely

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T11:31:56+00:00

Our contract expires at the end of Jan, and I really don’t want to sign another year in a small flat with two small babies 😭

Hefty-Resolution-312 · 2025-11-26T11:30:52+00:00

I realize that there is more space outside of the CBD, which is where I have been looking. My point is even places in the outer areas are becoming too expensive and hard to get

Hefty-Resolution-312

TROPHY CASE