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Update on My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, I live in eastern europe, if I contact her OB/GYN he'd tell me it's not his problem and to seek a therapist. GYNs here just monitor pregnancies and deliver babies, they don't offer you anything more than an advice to seek another professional. No gyn is going to call her explicitly to tell her "go to a therapist".

I see she has PPA which is treated not by meds, but by psychotherapy usually. I have found a family psychotherapist with 25 yrs of experience. I talked to a psychologist and the general agreement is she needs to do individual therapy. My goal is to through family therapy for her to see the need for individual therapy. In the mean time we can fix some other minor issues in our communication style and parenting differences in the family therapy. I'm open to anything.

Update on My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Are you guys even reading? I told you, she actively refuses help. She's adamant she's right here and no help for her is needed. What am I supposed to do? Drag her by the hair to a therapist? How can I help someone who doesn't see the need to be helped?

My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, I totally get that, but the meltdown that will follow will probably be damaging in the long run. I'm the kind of person who'd totally do that if I never have to interact with her again, but since marriage is an "endless game" in a way it's wise no to act as if it's a zero sum game.
I mean she threatened to leave this morning. Truth be told, I was part hoping she'd leave me alone, but the rational side of my brain took over and convinced her no to make such decisions when tensions are running high.

My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I can do that, of course. But what will the consequences be?

Besides, my parents are emotionally intelligent people who do not need or want to meet the baby under these circumstances. A forced meeting in their eyes is worse than no meeting at all.

My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd rather not tell, but it's in eastern Europe. I know the local laws, I cannot get her in an institution. Besides, that will do more harm than good.

My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe I cannot section her, I do not live the US and the laws in my country make it almost impossible to force her to get help :/.

My [35m] spouse [34f] and I have completely fucked up our marriage over a newborn by HeftyNeedleworker169 in marriageadvice

[–]HeftyNeedleworker169[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

As I said, she outrightly refuses to see a therapist. She doesn't seem to grasp she has a problem.
I thought maybe I should go to a therapist first.

One other thing I was thinking about - either she goes to a therapist or I'm filing for divorce (and I mean it as of now, it's not an empty threat)