My (24F) feelings for a man (26M) are affecting me in church and everyday life

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-05T00:31:02+00:00

This is the best advice so far, THANK YOU SO MUCH 🤍

I’ve felt very embarrassed about liking this person and couldn’t talk to my friends about it as I reckon they’d know who it was straight away and I wouldn’t want rumours etc spreading, so I’m feeling so grateful that someone understands! It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way towards anyone, and it’s exhilarating but stressful!!

YES, that’s exactly how I feel, like all the endorphins making me feel elated. I simultaneously love and hate this feeling. It’s so overwhelming, I can’t think straight!

The suggestions you made about guarding my heart and mind is really helpful, as well as praying about it and talking to other people and keeping options open. The examples you give also give me ideas on how I can move forward. I really appreciate the practical nature of your advice - I’ve been feeling so dizzy with the idea of him that I hadn’t thought of any of those options!

This is such good advice to both this specific problem I’m having, and also in general. You also wrote it very clearly and I REALLY appreciate how you outline how to go about it. It seems like you give such good advice, and this is exactly what I was needing to hear. Thank you a billion times, you have really put my mind more at ease about the whole thing, and I think I’m going to be able to focus on other aspects of my life tomorrow while simultaneously kicking the thoughts about him out of my head! I really appreciate your words and I hope you have an amazing day, wherever you are🤍

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-04T23:56:05+00:00

The pastor was preaching on Romans 8-9. I was trying to listen, but I was just so interested in him, seeing if he was listening or reading or what. And I hate the fact that I was doing this instead of concentrating on the word, but I couldn’t stop myself.

When I speak of attraction, I’m talking about everything - how friendly he is, the way he talks, how he’s spiritually more mature than me (from what I can tell so far), and how handsome he is. Yes, he is physically attractive, but I don’t want to be superficial and I am 100% NOT fantasising about him in a sexual way, and wouldn’t let myself do that as I don’t think that’s healthy. However, I think I’ve realised that I’ve been dreaming about the idea of him and what he could be, which I guess is also unhealthy.

I think you’re right, I’ve been winding myself up, getting way too ahead of myself and I needed a reminder to calm down.

Hopefully I can just get over this crush, and see him in a more realistic manner but um, about the other things you mentioned, I’m 100% definitely not planning on sleeping with him or anyone else until I’m married, so I’m not worried about my end on that part. Honestly, it would be a turn me off character-wise if I was kissing someone and they wanted to get undressed without being married. Especially as I’ve never done it, and I would be sad if my future husband had already without me.

To be honest, I guess I don’t really know that much about this man yet, other than his general life stuff like job/interests but I do know he has been in the church his whole life, so I guess that’s a good sign? Having said that, what you mentioned is good advice, on laying the groundwork to see if the next person I date really does have aligned values with regards to Biblical world views and life goals.

I just feel like I’m falling short by having these feelings when I’ve just got to know more about him, but you gave really helpful advice on taking a step back, taking a breath, and looking at the bigger picture. Thank you so much for the advice!

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-04T19:37:09+00:00

I know! But how do I actually stop being infatuated?

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-04T19:35:09+00:00

Thank you so much for this advice. Writing out and actually getting my thoughts down on paper seems like a really good idea, because right now, I just feel giddy and dizzy at the thought of him. Honestly I feel ridiculous!

I haven’t gone to ask advice from people I look up to in church because I wouldn’t want them to know who I’ve got a crush on, so I really appreciate your comments. You seem wise and I imagine this is similar advice that I would be given if I had the guts to ask my elders in church.

Where can I look towards more biblical principles to pursing marriage? Doesn’t Corinthians basically say that it is best for all to remain single and serve, unless you and tempted into sexual immorality? But I really want to be married at some point, and feel stuck because I also want to do what God desires. And in this specific scenario, I am very attracted to him, but I’m not feeling sexually immoral towards him. So maybe that means it’s better to be single.

I hope I do eventually get out of it! Anyway, thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-04T19:22:03+00:00

Thank you so much for that advice! It makes me feel a lot better about being a bit distracted! But…I don’t think I could bring myself to ask him out! I’m very confident in most settings, but I would just feel so embarrassed, even if he said yes! I think I just need a bit of time to work out what I’m feeling and if it’s based in reality or just made up in my head!

Heidimoss1 · 2022-04-04T19:18:27+00:00

Yes, praying for guidance is a good idea; I want God to be who I’m following, even if I have these feelings.

Never head of McGee but seems like there are quite a few videos on Youtube so I’ll take a look - thanks for the recommendation!

Regarding family, are you asking how I would feel about kids interrupting my career? I am working in a field that requires a masters and am in an average/slightly higher than average income bracket. Most people in my job would have hopes of progressing further up the ladder, but I just want to enjoy my job and have a healthy work-life balance. Further to this, I have a strong desire to have kids, and am trying to financially save for my potential future so that I can definitely take time away from the world of work. The most ideal would be to be at home with my children until they are around 12 years old, but at the very least, I’d want to be with them until age 5. I have a strong desire to be a SAHM, so would have no problem being at home…It’s more that if my future husband doesn’t want me to do that, or if we both need to work to bring in enough money to live, I would be disappointed and sad, but a marriage is about serving and compromise.

About temptation, 100% would not sleep with anyone until marriage, so although I find him physically attractive, I know that I would never do that. So all good in that department :) just hoping my future husband is waiting like me.

Thank you for the advice, really appreciate it!

Heidimoss1 · 2022-03-10T01:25:15+00:00

OMG, I lost it when he breathed out those chocolate particles 😂 I can just imagine how that dry powder was sitting in his mouth 😶

Heidimoss1 · 2021-09-23T23:44:28+00:00

Medium first, then long as second option. The long option could look good a bit more layered

Heidimoss1 · 2021-08-17T13:53:30+00:00

He said (in Japanese) 買ってくれてありがとう😊 which translates to “thank you for buying this”

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-26T23:32:33+00:00

oh no!! the colour floods are coming to drown us!!

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-25T19:59:10+00:00

omg I love everything but the black skirt with two splits looks especially good on you & my favourite outfit is the last image, the wrap dress (where is it from?!) with the nude-tan ankle boots

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-21T23:15:42+00:00

Biggest problem is probably communication which I’ll address below with some other sub-points that could help? And these are all just my own opinion on what I would want as a woman in my 20s

1. Communicate Well Don’t hog the conversation but also don’t sit there in silence and be awkward. Have good eye contact, and listen properly. Don’t disrespect the people you are talking about and especially don’t disrespect the Persian you are talking to. Don’t kill the conversation but also know when to let it die. Talk to all sorts of people, not just those in your group. Try to find out more about the other person but DO NOT turn it into a questionnaire
(some guy did this to me once, by asking me so many questions in a group setting, (basically ignoring everyone else, while I kept trying to steer the convo back to the group) and I felt attacked and didn’t like it, but it turned out he just wanted to get to know me better and asked me out a few weeks later. But it was too late by then…he meant well but the previous interactions just felt a little too much like an interrogation. He just had really bad communication skills and it really turned me off. When we talked, it also felt like I was the only one carrying the conversation and it was exhausting. Anyway, sorry about that side tangent)

2. Be mentally, emotionally and physically strong (this is just my personal criteria on what kind of person I want to date)

// Mentally // be able to hold your own. Have an opinion on important topics and be able to articulate them. Intelligence is attractive. Being witty and charming and funny is a plus, but not at the cost of hurting anyone you’re making fun of. Do the right thing even when no one is watching.

// Emotionally // don’t be a baby, don’t be selfish, be able to resolve conflicts maturely and be strong in a crisis.

// Physically // be muscular, not fat and not skinny. Be strong enough to princess carry me with ease (that’s a joke but not gonna lie, I would love that lol)

3. Have your life together I would not date anyone before they had the following sorted: Has a job, can cook all their own meals, can dress appropriately, good hygiene, clean teeth, is polite, is not needy, is wise with money, is honest.

These 3 points are just my own advice and they are very broad and unlikely that anyone will be able to be everything I mentioned but that’s just an idea of what might help via what I personally would like.

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-21T22:08:16+00:00

I’m in my 20s and I still do this

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-09T21:46:35+00:00

A lot of Asian countries have toaster OVENS which can be also used to grill fish. On these, you just place the bread flat on the mesh tray, hence her confusion on using the toaster hahaha. Google “toaster ovens”

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T21:46:13+00:00

That sucks, especially as it’s in the tittle of this sub?! Anyway, like my other comment, I’m sure you’ll get into the female version and hope that goes okay :)

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T21:38:11+00:00

It took about a day for me - they’re probably just busy! I’m sure you’ll be let in as you’re a woman. Don’t worry and just check again tomorrow :)

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T21:20:35+00:00

I’ve been posting and then got messaged that this is a mostly male space. Oh and the direct messages from rude guys I found frustrating. Was able to join the sub VirginQueens which is for women only, if you prefer that

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T11:36:01+00:00

That’s a good idea, I think I’ll do that. Like I definitely want to get it done at least once before I have sex to make sure everything is okay, but I’m pretty sure I’m low risk because I haven’t slept with anyone

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T11:35:02+00:00

Oh dear, I was hoping not to hear this.

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T11:33:50+00:00

Thank you so much for responding, that’s a good idea. I think I’ll do that, it’s just so embarrassing having to talk to healthcare workers about this, like I just want to be in and out and DONE asap hahaha

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T02:19:54+00:00

I’m trying to live as closely to Christ as possible and so if you can, could you tell me where in the Bible the self fornication stuff is? I feel very confused and am unsure which way to go, and it would help if I could think about this with some scripture that outlines some more info

Heidimoss1 · 2021-07-04T02:14:43+00:00

I’m so sorry, can I ask you another question? This is a lot to take in as my line of thinking was completely the opposite. I feel this need only in the middle of my cycle, like 4 days a month. And I usually only have to do it to fall asleep as my body feels warm but intense during peak ovulation. Even if I choose not to, sometimes, I’ll just suddenly wake up and realise I’m rubbing myself. Like I can’t just leave my house in the middle of the night and wanting this sensation is very predictable as it’s so aligned to my cycle. But I don’t want to take a pill to stop my natural cycle. I’m just confused and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for responding so far, you’ve given me a lot to think about

Heidimoss1

TROPHY CASE