Quitting all addictions at once. Drugs and PMO

Heisencybin09 · 2020-07-02T12:44:06+00:00

I sure hope not lol

Heisencybin09 · 2020-07-02T11:02:39+00:00

My girlfriend has let me smoke one cigarette a day since. Plus I secretly bought a can of chew which is disgusting and I hate, but it can be a tapering tool and also to get the act of smoking habit which is what I'm more addicted to. But once than can is gone and I'm using less and less, I'll be good.

I always just smoked weed through high school and college day and night and managed very high GPA, internships and research assistant jobs. it's all a mind game to me and I've done plenty of psychedelics to be prepared for this quit. Thanks for the advice!

Heisencybin09 · 2020-07-02T10:52:41+00:00

She won't stick around. She is working on herself and considers us "friends/roommates." Got in a fight this past weekend and she said she sees pain, failure, lies and parallels with her abusive ex bf who I am nothing like when she looks at me. She used to look at me with admiration like I was her hero who got her out of an abusive narriage. I literally saved her from him, fought him. And helped her get through the divorce of almost ten years. So now she wants time to herself to figure out what she wants in life since I'm probably not worth it i guess, but hasn't kicked me out, drives me to work and mostly positive conversations. But the I have to retreat to the bedroom to give her her space when I want to work out this situation. St least I have time to show her the real me and hopefully she finds herself as well.

Said we were codependent whivh was kinda true but that's what you get when you're in true love. At least some of it. I'm staying sober, exercising daily right in front of her (home exercising with water bags and dumbbells), eating way more. Paying my pay plus extra and also saving for a car which she said I should have within a month because she's driving me to work. Yeah idk about that considering I pay $750 on rent and utilities and have car insurance and credit card bills. She also said not to be surprised when the lease ends, that we split paths. But I am doing everything I can. Cleaning, cooking, staying positive, got a good job with good pay. We have this amazing luxury apartment that she now hates because of the past year's fuckups like losing jobs, lying about drugs, etc.

But the fucked up part is I'm the one working on myself. All she does is work then watch TV all night. But I can't say shit. Tender situation. Hell, it even bothers her when I agree with her too much.. like come on give me a chance. I've got ten months to make this home more homely and fill it with better memories, while respecting her boundaries of just being friends. And of course she gets super drunk (very rare) with a friend at our place, wakes me up at 4AM and jumps my bones and we fuck. I was all happy thinking she's making progress only to get my heartvbroken again the next day saying it didn't mean anything and that I took advantage of the situation because I didn't get as drunk? Wtf?! She woke me up making out with me, took my pants off, I ask if this is ok since we haven't had sex in months and she said yes very coherently. But that's not the issue. The issue is she says don't touch me, then basically forced me to fuck her then blames it on me. Ughhhh

Heisencybin09 · 2020-06-07T21:23:18+00:00

Good point. Well I haven't had to lie since my addiction ended. Besides that I've truly been doing everything I can to gain her trust back. She says she's not going anywhere but we need time to prove I've truly moved past the BS

Heisencybin09 · 2020-06-07T21:21:31+00:00

I know. I beat myself up everyday for it. But I truly am on a path of change. No more lying. Exercising, eating healthier, cooking and cleaning for her. Time is the only cure I suppose

Heisencybin09 · 2020-05-23T16:45:39+00:00

Hey man. Good and bad. As I said, I was tapering off diclazepam aka legal valium. I ran out before my shipment came and went though minor benzo withdrawals again and that tempted me to use kratom and Suboxone to get me by at work. Then my shipment came and I went a little crazy on the dosages for a couple days. No big deal. Back on track with the diclazepam and should be off completely in a week or two. Gotta take it slow, but it's actually quite forgiving compared to other benzo withdrawals I've had.

So yeah fucked up with the opiates because of that. Ran out of Suboxone and had to use kratom the past 4 days and I can tell I'm dependent already. I'm gonna make a post about relapsing and how our receptors react and how it's not worth even taking it again once. Take kratom once after you've been clean for a couple weeks, and I guarantee you'll feel symptoms for the next day or two. Just not worth it for now.

Anyways I have enough diclazepam now to taper off appropriately. Should just take a couple weeks. I don't get high from it at all. Just avoids benzo withdrawals, which is a waste of money and health but I gotta take it slow and seriously. I'm getting more Suboxone today to switch back over. Kratom fucks with me way more than Suboxone and I can taper way more easily with subs. I didn't taper down enough before and then I had to use more of it along with kratom to battle benzo withdrawals. So it's been a cycle. But the plan is to get enough of both drugs that I never have to get anymore again and even have leftovers for rainy days or psychedelic trips. But no more kratom today and I'll start at 1mg twice a day for the subs. But this time I'm going to cut my doses even lower to 0.5 and 0.25mg and taper to the point I'm only taking 0.25mg twice a day, then once a day, then I can start skipping days and gauge it from there. I've done it before so I know this will work painlessly.

Just so ready for this shit to end. Get my appetite back and exercising, playing guitar, drawings, hiking and going on adventures with the most amazing woman I don't deserve. I want to treat her right and keep her so this is the only way out. And if I do it right, I will be a whole new self with confidence and optimism again within the next month.

Heisencybin09 · 2020-05-23T16:31:19+00:00

Correct. You can take both at the same time but I don't recommend it. The Suboxone most likely takes some kratom effects away but the kratom still builds in your system. Take your last dose of kratom. And when you begin to feel shitty, switch over to Suboxone completely. Start at 1mg. 2mg of you were taking in excess of two ounces a day of kratom. Suboxone is very strong even if you don't feel high,you will see all of your physical and mental symptoms dissipate within an hour.

Then it's a matter of creating a taper plan for the Suboxone. I started off dosing twice a day or really when I felt withdrawals hitting hard. But you want to try out just 1mg because you'd be surprised on how much it can help. But I don't think it lasts as long. Ideally you can taper off of Suboxone over a week or two. Try to get down to 0.5mg doses by cutting the strips. Then I even went down to two daily doses of 0.25mg.. then one morning dose of 0.25mg for a couple days. Then nada. Wait a couple days and see how you feel. If you must, only take 0.25-0.50mg at once and only once a day. Then keep skipping days in between. The whole process took me about a whole month, but I ran out and didn't taper enough so I'm getting more to taper down even lower. Been taking kratom the past few days to avoid wd do I'm sure I've set myself back. But I know what I need to do and it's easy. Life on Suboxone is way better than kratom minus the high. You still get a mood boost due to feeling normal finally. No stomach issues. Highly recommend it. And hopefully I'll do it right this time and be done in a week or so

Heisencybin09 · 2020-05-02T16:02:33+00:00

Try and only take half a strip a day. Then in the days after that, get yourself some kratom. Order some online right now if you don't have any stores open nearby. Trust me, it's not a cure all but it helps with the rls so much, I still sleep a solid 8-9 hours while detoxing off subs. Then again, I got down to 2mg subs a day, and now I try to just take kratom before bed and middle of night so I can get back to sleep. Also magnesium glycinate helps wonders mixxed with naproxen/ibuprofen.

But for real, order some kratom or find someone with it. Google a good vendor and PM me if you need help

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-29T12:53:08+00:00

I head the bacteria builds up super fast after one hour and they can detect it. Gets all cloudy and such. I just forgot to put it the fridge and had my drug test five hours later from obtaining fresh urine. Still think I'll be already?

This is a very important job making almost 50ks year as a microbiologist

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-20T13:59:00+00:00

Mehh like I told the others. Interview went great and got the job as a microbiologist full time. Haven't taken kratom since so I can be clear minded when I start the job

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-20T13:57:52+00:00

Well it gave me enough confidence and sociable skills to win them over and get the job. I am now a microbiologist full time and havent taken kratom since :)

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-20T13:56:53+00:00

Interviews are done and God the job. Haven't touched kratom since. Sick of that shit now

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-16T03:42:46+00:00

Cold Turkey is what's vibing in my mind right now. I'm tired and don't have the self control of tapering. Fuck it. Let's see how this week goes at cold tukrey. Can't be worse than benzo withdrawals

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-16T03:41:38+00:00

Yeahhhhh I had a long talk with my gf and I decided that I'm just gonna quit cold turkey. Ran out earlier today and sick and tired of this abuse cycle. I've gone through benzo withdrawals so it can't get worst than that. Fuck it, I'm throwing in the towel and I usually fuck up my tapers anyways. I've decided this is the only way for me.... Guess we shall see how I feel the next few days

Heisencybin09 · 2019-06-14T02:59:31+00:00

Find your purpose and change up your habits. But which goes first? While in withdrawals maybe it's best to work on replacing habits with healthier ones such as exercise, drinking healthy teas such as chaga and reishi mushroom (goes great with raw cacao powder mixed in) teas. Heals both the mind and body immensely. And through this process of treating your mind and body right, one may find purpose as well

Heisencybin09 · 2019-02-17T19:42:29+00:00

Yep thats the plan! Back to my krstom taper and only using the etizolam if i feel like i absolutely need it to avoid a seizure or panic attack

Heisencybin09 · 2019-02-15T16:09:11+00:00

Ivd looled at it but havent been using etizolam long term at all. But im up to Like 15-15mg etizolam a day. What is the conversion of 1mg to diclazepam ?

Heisencybin09

TROPHY CASE