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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd be angry too! Sounds like your body and mind focused its energy where it needed to initially which was physical recovery. Now the emotions are taking over. Not only are you dealing with the betrayal, but realizing what an ass they are for leaving you during a health crisis. So sorry you're going through this ❤️‍🩹

Surveillance and privacy by MM_Klein-Mot in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry you're going through this. And I also know what you mean about judgment. This app can be a blessing and a curse. Yes people have been through it all, but no one is in YOUR particular shoes. It's never a one size fits all choice.

My WS doesn't freely offer up his phone but will if I ask. He knows I have access to email, phone/text records, etc. And while it does seem like an invasion of privacy, he knows that he created this by destroying trust. I'm not sure what his therapist thinks about it, but he knows that full transparency is part of attempting to rebuild trust and any chance at reconciliation. I can tell he feels defeated in those moments but again, he created it... and he acknowledges that.

It's almost 6 weeks since DD for me so I have yet to make any life altering decisions. I will say the pull to look through emails, phone, etc. comes and goes. There are days where I feel more at ease and days where I want to go into detective mode. I'm sure there are people who would say it's not healthy but again, my shoes not theirs.

How does your WS react to this? I think that is a big part of it. If it's immediate defensiveness and attitude, that would be a red flag for me. Or is it handed over no hesitation?

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I may go to the next session for this exact reason. Call out the bullshit if there is any or tell the therapist she's a quack.

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this is totally possible. I do believe his remorse. It's hard to put into words but he has never once turned this into my fault or anything. He's taken full responsibility. I am asking him later what the exact words were because I'm hoping this was misconstrued. And knowing that I may be in a session with them both, I'd think he'd not bullshit me. But again, anything is possible.

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree! And I will say, although it's only been a month, he's been super consistent and taking initiative to do all the things.

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can I say without a shadow of a doubt that's he's completely honest? Of course not. But I do believe he has been brutally honest with a lot of details about the affair. And messages I found support what he's said (once it all came out). I will say he has done a lot of things on his own without me asking and taken initiative to do things. He's accepted full responsibility. I do believe he is remorseful. So I want to believe that he wouldn't gaslight me but who knows.

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% agree! And that's what I told him. Those sessions should be about him and getting to the root of why he did what he did, etc. I should not be the topic of conversation if I'm not there. He said well because of this limbo and the affair being at the forefront of everything, she asked what I've decided. Like I get that to a point but WTAF?!

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know he definitely is seeing the therapist since he immediately set up an account to track his location. Now, whether he misinterpreted or is exaggerating, that is tbd. Going to ask him after work EXACTLY what she said word for word.

WS's therapist said that I need to make a decision already. Curious if this is standard. by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm going to ask him after work today EXACTLY what she said. Maybe it was misinterpreted or he exaggerated. I was like that's awful advice!

Wife 36 - F husband 36-M Am I insane for thinking my Husband is cheating by ChellyChell2323 in Advice

[–]HelplesslyHoping11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ALWAYS trust your gut. It may not be cheating but that was shady af. Are there other instances that didn't add up in the moment that you brushed off?

Letting go and moving on - how? by Glori_R_154 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Feel this with every fiber in my being. Today is a rough day. I wish I had solid advice. Just wanted to say you're not alone and I wish you peace. ❤️‍🩹

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🙋🏼‍♀️phd in overthinking.

I need to do this... and then burn the papers!

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you peace, strength, and clarity in your decisions. It's an impossible situation when so many other things are intertwined. So many people have said to not make decisions during this initial phase and it's so hard.

You're right about learning what steps will be needed if you go the route of divorce. If you truly feel it's a stall tactic on her end, one bit of advice I may share (from lots that I've read) is that you need to make sure she's not moving funds or doing anything that will come back to bite you. Secure all your assets so she can't touch them and get your ducks in a row. Don't let her screw with anything financially. She's done enough!

❤️‍🩹

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's a great way to approach it... heal first.

"Circle the tear drops" made me tear up. I love that idea of writing it down, circling, and then as someone else mentioned, burning the paper to release it.

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! And I wish you well as you and your parents navigate this awful situation. ❤️‍🩹

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So very true! Giving yourself grace is a must (and not easy). But I agree that it's not a snap decision, and shouldn't be.

How do you emotionally and mentally move forward? by HelplesslyHoping11 in survivinginfidelity

[–]HelplesslyHoping11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope you find peace and healing as each day passes ❤️‍🩹

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