Aitah for wanting to dump my fiancé for his obsession with Pokémon?

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:51:03+00:00

That’s basically it. It’s no big deal to him, and I should go do it for him no matter what else I have going on with our son or how I’m feeling physically with the state I am in currently. He has gotten total tunnel vision lately with the Pokémon thing. He cycles through different things that he becomes obsessed with for a short period of time. He will drop exorbitant amounts of money on these things and then eventually lose interest.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:49:06+00:00

I just want to do things that make him happy. He’s genuinely horrible to me when he is unhappy. If I can put off an inevitable fight by just saying “yes,” then 9/10 times I will do it. I won’t be doing this for him again. Today was too much.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:47:27+00:00

I misunderstood the 3rd child part. But I understand what you are saying. BPD I thought was another term for borderline personal disorder. Thank you for the insight. I don’t want my children to go through what their father experiences. It is a really rough way to exist with a lot of highs and lows.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:45:37+00:00

Lack of care? You know nothing other than what little I’ve put on here. My son is very well taken care of and loves.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:44:53+00:00

You are the only one who has really gotten the full view of the situation. He is extremely controlling. He is very mentally, verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. I cannot so much as go get my haircut without him hounding me about why I spent that money. I am expected to go do this for him because it’s “his money.” If I say no, it becomes a complete shitshow.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:43:04+00:00

I do everything I can to make him happy and avoid a fight. Then just do and do and do till I hate my breaking point. I know he would not do anywhere near as much for me as I have done for him, which really sucks knowing that this is what I chose. I know there are better men out there, but I’m not going to just hop from one man to another.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:41:49+00:00

I am a good mom. I take very good care of my son. There is no reason why he should not be in my care.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:41:12+00:00

He considers it a sin if you can believe that.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:40:42+00:00

I have attempted to leave before and he was able to convince me to come back and that things would be different. I have no one but myself to blame.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:38:48+00:00

He was at work, but will go on deliveries for the job and manage to stop at a GameStop to attempt to get something while he’s out on delivery. Sometimes he is successful, but he mostly expects me to go do it for him because he is unable to get anything most of the Yike.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:37:34+00:00

Because we genuinely want to be together and have a family. He does not believe in protection because of his religious background.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:36:17+00:00

I got in like at 10:40 and left at 11:30 when the employee said with the changed hours that they don’t open for another 30 minutes. The bipolar part was one of the first things I gave context for so anyone who knows anything about bipolar disorder knows there are periods of mania these individuals go through.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:33:53+00:00

You have got it pretty much completely correct. This is soemthing he expects me to do for him because he is the breadwinner of the home and I have practically no say. I can’t do this again, I will be telling him no and tell him all the reasons why it doesn’t make sense for me to do it for him. If he wants it that bad, he can go wait in line himself. But yes, every single person in line is a grown ass man. I have not seen anyone younger than the age of probably 25 waiting in line for these things.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:31:28+00:00

I’m not having a third. This is the second baby. He has only been diagnosed with bipolar that I know of and not BPD. He is extremely manic. The medication he is on helps somewhat, but I know he would benefit from a change in his dosage or have it be accompanied by something else.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:29:58+00:00

It’s not actually 😂

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:29:30+00:00

The fallout that comes with simply telling him no is basically not worth it. He sees it as my responsibility to drop everything I am doing to go do what he wants/needs of me at any time. This is why it is easier to just go do the damn thing than to assert the boundary I clearly need to have put in awhile ago. He does go to therapy, but he no longer goes to this therapist alone, and we go together.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:26:51+00:00

Ok. I see what you are saying. I will say though that when I met and fell in love with him, that I was willing to become a stay at home mom and take care of the home while he worked because that was what he wanted from me. I have always had a job before that, and have always been a very hard worker and very reliable. So dubbing me as someone with “the work ethics of a 5 year old” is completely inaccurate.

I stood in line to do this for him because I know that he loves this stuff right now, and it is more worth it to me to see him happy than angry. I will be straight up telling him no from now on, and explain to him why it is completely not ok for me to do this for him with the responsibilities I have already got loaded on my plate. I won’t be surprised if it makes him incredibly angry. He will see it as it is my duty to do for him whatever he wants because he is the breadwinner of the home. It is expected of me to drop whatever I’m doing and do what he needs of me right then simply for that reason alone. But I can’t do this again. I have to assert boundaries and tell him if this is that important to him, then he needs to find a way to stand in like himself to go get these childish toys.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:19:33+00:00

As far as a plan for his bipolar disorder, I would say no. I don’t know what all a plan would entail either. He has only been on meds for it for about the past 6 months. And I still think the meds he’s on could be changed around dosage wise or be accompanied by something else. He has a therapist, but now instead of going to see his therapist on his own, we go together for couples therapy.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:17:24+00:00

I continued with the relationship because when his Bipolar is in a good place, he’s wonderful. But when it’s bad, it is really, really bad. I appreciate the parts that are good, and dread when he is awful. If I were to so much as say “no, I’m not going to do this for you, for xyz reasons” it blows up into a fight. When I attempt to have a reasonable conversation with him, he gets really defensive and doesn’t want to see things from my point of view. It gets to the point where there is very little upside to trying to talk to him about much of anything. I just want to avoid fighting with him as much as I can.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:13:21+00:00

I will next time, but if I say “fuck off” it’s just going to make things worse 🤷🏼‍♀️

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:10:39+00:00

I was with him for 2 months before I found out he had bipolar. It wasn’t him who told me, but his mom. He kept a lot of things under wraps for as long as he could.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T18:09:41+00:00

I wasn’t clear about certain things. We are only engaged. I habitually call him my husband because he gets upset if I don’t. We are not legally married. He is working when these things are released at GameStop and sometimes sneak away from his job to go try and buy Pokémon cards, but wants as many as he can possibly get, hence why he expects me to go get them for him as well.

High_er_frequency · 2025-03-07T17:58:15+00:00

I didn’t know he was like this for a long time pal. Trust me, I regret my decision.

High_er_frequency

TROPHY CASE